Jusdewit : (Jusdewit & Son-worshipper)

[MaryJane]

Son-worshipper wrote:

I'll be very glad to get back to the children. K and I have had fun, laughing a lot, mostly at ourselves.

 

Awww! This sounds SO nice!

[WannaBeaCrowntomyKISA]

I told them I was committed to doing the program with this ministry as you (SW) had found a place of comfort and validation.

 

This is good JDI, keep up this kind of talk and keep walking it out. You are on the right road.

 

We're rootin' for you guys!!

[jusdewit]

SW, I deeply sorry for the things I did to cause you pain and insecurity in your heart, starting with my persistant advances toward you that led to "heavy petting" before we were married. I want to walk through all these hurts with you and do what it takes to bring you healing and restore a beautiful spirit in you. I want to see you smiling again. Your beautiful when you smile.

 

I'm going to take a melatonin now. I'll let you know how they work.

 

I love you. Sweet dreams. OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Edited July 1, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

SW Said:

What was different about last night's call (06-23-10) that you'd never seemed to hear before? Do you remember specifically?

 

I was just contemplating / praying concerning this. I got a word or vision planted in my spirit. I was told to consider the pain, regret, and confusion I felt at the loss of my family: Now look and feel what you have put in your wifes heart. It was deeper and darker than I could bear. I now have to take each of these hurts and lift them off of SW's heart until they are all gone and burried.

Edited July 1, 2010 by jusdewit

[son-worshipper]

I'm 95% sure we'll go camping in PA w/ Eeyore, Her Density & the gang around July 4 near Cleveland

Pain appt. July 8 in NC

K.'s test results should be back by July 17th. Hopefully the neurologist will have a treatment plan by then.

Infectious disease appt. July 21 in D.C.

Extensive neuropsych appt. July 27-29 in NYC

 

Did you set up an appointment to talk to Joel today or tomorrow? What's the purpose of the call?

 

How are you coming with the letters to the children? Post them here so we can help you edit them.

[jusdewit]

Call Joel. He might not be able to return your call since he's in an intensive.

SW wrote:Did you set up an appointment to talk to Joel today or tomorrow? What's the purpose of the call?

 

SW, I don't know. Your the one that said "call Joel". What do you want me to talk to him about?

Edited July 1, 2010 by jusdewit

[Tigger]

SW,

 

This is not marriage advise, just an FYI.

 

The deal with your daughters reflexes is VERY normal, no worry. My second son has the same problem. I have had to tell numerous doctors how to get his reflexes. Most often they say I can get it, but they don't; I tell my boy what to do and viola, it works. You know us dumb moms don't know anything!!

 

His biological brother does not have this same issue, so go figure. When the hands are grasped, he consistently can get the knee to jump; 99% of the time without the hands grasped, nothing, Nada, zip, zero. I actually thought that it was a very positive thing that he had her do that; it amazes me the number of doctors who are totally clueless in this area.

 

I have not gotten to the point of having to research these kinds of doctors, but my opinion, not having seen this doctor is favorable. As for the neuropathy, if there is not the sensation issues in the legs, I would totally agree that that is likely not the issue. I know you like to be very private; me too, and you know why- sort of, after we talked. I would be very interested in getting more info. on the symptoms, and I am not trying to pry into your daughters personal life.

 

 

 

Well I need to get ready for the babies to arrive home. You are still in my thoughts, hope you make it to Eeyore's safely.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[jusdewit]

 

How are you coming with the letters to the children? Post them here so we can help you edit them.

 

 

to R2 (6 yo daughter) and G (8 yo son).

 

For a long time I did not treat Mom and all of you like I should have. I was not a husband or father like God said I should be. I talked ugly to mom, called her names, argued/fought with her, was mean to her. I also talked and acted mean to you and allowed you to do things your mother did not aprove of. Because of this Mom got so sad that she had to stop talking to Dad until I decided to start treating her better. None of this problem with me and your Mom is your fault, it is all my fault. I am so sorry for the things I did to make you and Mom feel bad. I am now learning and working on being a good husband to Mom and a good father to you, so we can all live together happily. I love Mom and you very much and can't wait to see you all as soon as we can.

Edited July 4, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

SW, Just got off the phone with Joel and he gave a few options for the Aug intensive and / or open house. Did you listen to the voice mail?

[son-worshipper]

You shouldn't have called me so early. You're lucky I was awake at 8:00 am! You knew how tired I was last night! I AM usually up by this time, but recently I've been able to sleep in...a true luxury. You want to present this to the younger childen today.

 

You shouldn't tell the children infinite details about the "things that caused Mom to feel very bad," but you should be more descriptive. Call sin sin. Tell them you talked ugly to me, called me names, argued/fought with me, was mean to me, etc...let them know what specific "things" you're referring to. You also talked ugly to them and was mean to them. You let them do things I wouldn't allow...you were rebellious. They're observant kids. They know what you've done. You don't need to whitewash your sin by being so vague.

 

I'm trying not to crucify you or make you crucify yourself to the children, but you should acknowledge your sin. Sin against me, sin against them, and most importantly sin against the Lord.

 

It's YOUR job to write the letter, or a least an outline of what you want to cover. Take the initiative. Go first, then I will respond.

 

Where we stand? Right now we're seperated.

 

You stopped yourself when you started defending. That was good! You didn't complain when I told you to put the letter on the forum and wait for constructive criticism. That was good too. You didn't get angry, you didn't yell, although you were frustrated. That shows some self control.

 

You know I'm trying to get the family ready to go to Dory & Eeyore's today. Stop pressuring me to do this right now. I realize you're trying to do the right thing and I appreciate your effort.

 

I'll have to consider the Aug. 11-15 intensive. Sure, I'd like to attend another intensive. We need it!.

#1 I don't know if I'll be in Alabama then.

#2 School will be in session if we're in AL.

 

I'm very frustrated with you right now. You're trying to do the right things, but I feel you're pressuring to do this today, when I'm trying to get everything ready for another trip. I have very little patience with you right now. It's as if you don't know when to stop, or when to shut up and leave me alone.

 

I'm ready for a fun relaxing weekend at Eeyore's!

[jusdewit]

You shouldn't have called me so early. You're lucky I was awake at 8:00 am! You knew how tired I was last night! I AM usually up by this time, but recently I've been able to sleep in...a true luxury. You want to present this to the younger childen today.

 

I called at 8:00 because you are usually up by 6 or 7:00. If you would have told me "I'm too tired or busy to talk, call back in an hour," or let it go to voice mail, I would have gladly complied. I thought you wanted me to do this today, or asap. Please do not cut off communication with me. I will do it with what ever conditions you set.

 

You shouldn't tell the children infinite details about the "things that caused Mom to feel very bad," but you should be more descriptive. Call sin sin. Tell them you talked ugly to me, called me names, argued/fought with me, was mean to me, etc...let them know what specific "things" you're referring to. You also talked ugly to them and was mean to them. You let them do things I wouldn't allow...you were rebellious. They're observant kids. They know what you've done. You don't need to whitewash your sin by being so vague.

 

I will amend the letter.

 

 

I'm trying not to crucify you or make you crucify yourself to the children, but you should acknowledge your sin. Sin against me, sin against them, and most importantly sin against the Lord.

 

It's YOUR job to write the letter, or a least an outline of what you want to cover. Take the initiative. Go first, then I will respond.

 

I did write the letter and was only wanting your input.

 

 

 

Where we stand? Right now we're seperated.

 

You stopped yourself when you started defending. That was good! You didn't complain when I told you to put the letter on the forum and wait for constructive criticism. That was good too. You didn't get angry, you didn't yell, although you were frustrated. That shows some self control.

 

You know I'm trying to get the family ready to go to Dory & Eeyore's today. Stop pressuring me to do this right now. I realize you're trying to do the right thing and I appreciate your effort.

 

 

 

I'll have to consider the Aug. 11-15 intensive. Sure, I'd like to attend another intensive. We need it!.

#1 I don't know if I'll be in Alabama then.

#2 School will be in session if we're in AL.

 

Just a thought. If your sister would not mind the kids staying there, I could drive up and pick you up. That is if you wanted to go

 

I'm very frustrated with you right now. You're trying to do the right things, but I feel you're pressuring to do this today, when I'm trying to get everything ready for another trip. I have very little patience with you right now. It's as if you don't know when to stop, or when to shut up and leave me alone.

 

I felt an urgency because I didn't know if I would be able to contact you for the next 4 days. Please tell me when this happens before you get upset.

 

I'm ready for a fun relaxing weekend at Eeyore's!

[/b][/u]

 

 

I am sorry for making you feel frustrated. Please communicate your wishes to me so I don't upset you in the future, (earliest and latest times to call, best times to talk to the children, when to hang up or call back). Please let me know when you want me to present the letter to the children. Do you have access to your sisters voice mail? Will you have access to WIFI at the get-together?

I love you. Be carefull. Have fun. (O X) x 20

Edited July 2, 2010 by jusdewit

[J_W]

JDI

Ya know, we were listening on the phones last night and both of you sounded better and calmer.

 

During the conversation you asked SW twice what time she was leaving out today and she told you that she was GOING TO SLEEP IN!

 

What you did by calling her this a.m. is a bit abusive and controlling (of her sleep and emotions).

 

Please apologize to her for doing this, and repent of it -- DON'T DO THIS AGAIN. Ward did this to June more times than we can say and it is hurtful to the wife.

 

SW has given you very good points for your apology (which is off to a good start - congrats for getting to it). This obviously does NOT need to be finished today, so please be respectful of SW.

 

If YOU need to go to an intensive, alone is not awful. Other men go without their wives after the first one -- it was, afterall, not SW who didn't "get it" -- it was you. So, don't pressure SW or require her to get the scheduling for it.

Our .04

[son-worshipper]

I was referring to D1 when I wrote: "It's YOUR job to write the letter, or a least an outline of what you want to cover. Take the initiative. Go first, then I will respond." I now realize I didn't specify that. You were pushing ME to tell you what to say to D1. You were pushing ME to tell you what to write. You didn't want to listen to my advice. YOU wanted to avoid the forum. You whined because it took you a long time to compose a message to the youngest children. You gave the impression you wanted to avoid spending you're time composing a letter to D1. You preferred to talk to him today, without the advice of those on the forum.

 

Concerning your early phone call, Ward & June posted:

During the conversation you asked SW twice what time she was leaving out today and she told you that she was GOING TO SLEEP IN! What you did by calling her this a.m. is a bit abusive and controlling (of her sleep and emotions).

Please apologize to her for doing this, and repent of it -- DON'T DO THIS AGAIN.

 

Yes, I remember this too. I told you I wasn't planning to leave any certain time because I was so tired. I told you I planned to sleep in. Yes, it was very rude to call me so early after you'd been told these things.

 

Why did you ask me where we stand? Is it not obvious?

 

JDI, you wrote:

Please do not cut off communication with me. I will do what ever you want if you will let me know before you get angry. AND I felt an urgency because I didn't know if I would be able to contact you for the next 4 days. Please tell me when this happens before you get upset.

 

It's NOT MY JOB to tell you I'm getting angry. You're supposed to live with me in understanding. You've lived with me long enough. You should know when I'm getting angry. You knew I was getting upset. The problem is you wanted it your way and you wanted it right now. You kept pressing me to get to this today. It's now 1:00 pm and I haven't done a thing to get ready. I'm so tired I have to take a nap before doing anything else.

 

I'm very irritated and frustrated with you for being so insensitive and pushy...and you don't even realize you're being this way! Ugh !!!!!!!!

[jusdewit]

I am still editing first reply. Please re-read.

Edited July 2, 2010 by jusdewit

[son-worshipper]

JDI stop blaming me when you're being insensitive and rude. I told you I was exhausted. I told you I was trying to get ready for the weekend trip. ...at least I'm supposed to be getting ready for the trip!

 

Stop calling me! I'm going to take a nap and don't need you waking me up, bugging me even more than you already have.

[jusdewit]

Concerning your early phone call, Ward & June posted:

 

Yes, I remember this too. I told you I wasn't planning to leave any certain time because I was so tired. I told you I planned to sleep in. Yes, it was very rude to call me so early after you'd been told these things.

 

I thought 2 hours after you normaly would be up would be "sleeping in". What time should I have guessed? I want to understand you but I need a little help from you. I would have gladly hung up and called back later if you would have indicated you wanted that. You said you were up. I'm sorry for upsetting you. You know I did not intend that.

Edited July 2, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

JDI stop blaming me when you're being insensitive and rude. I told you I was exhausted. I told you I was trying to get ready for the weekend trip. ...at least I'm supposed to be getting ready for the trip!

 

Stop calling me! I'm going to take a nap and don't need you waking me up, bugging me even more than you already have.

 

Do you mean don't call you any more? I don't know how you mean this. I have not called in the last couple of hours. I'm not blaming you, only asking for the smallest amount of help to avoid being on the forum for hours and hours, dealing with issues that could have been averted with a little clarification. I'm not asking you to pull the wagon, but if you see a rock in the path that might catch the wheel and throw the wagon off course, kick it out of the way if it is not too much trouble for you. I realy want to do this right. Any assistance you could offer to help me not upset you would be greatly appreciated.

 

I have got to go to bed. I have not slept at all since yesterday. I will finish when I get up.

 

I do love you and am trying to keep up, but am getting swamped. I'm sorry for the situations I caused for you.

Edited July 2, 2010 by jusdewit

[son-worshipper]

I wrote:

Stop calling me! I'm going to take a nap and don't need you waking me up, bugging me even more than you already have.

 

You asked:

Do you mean don't call you any more? I don't know how you mean this. I have not called in the last couple of hours

 

I repeat, not so patiently: Stop calling me. Don't leave me any messages this weekend.

If I want to talk to you I'll contact you here or on the phone.

 

Do you need further instructions? Do you want me to start yelling at you? Do you think raising my voice would make you understand any better?

Edited July 2, 2010 by son-worshipper

[J_W]

OMG

 

YOU are getting swamped, JDI? oh my.

 

What about SW and what ALL she has gone through for YEARS

and IS GOING through?

 

When are you going to put HER needs FIRST before your own?

 

This is what it's about... and your replies to SW are all about YOU and your timetables.

 

Please honor her by NOT calling her. ONLY contact her through the forum. This was the agreement last week on the conference call. ONLY contact her here. IF SHE wants to call you, she will. Put HER FIRST!

 

I can't believe you are still not getting this. Did you take the ADD test or get checked yet?

 

Praying for your family,

June of Ward & June

[JoelandKathy]

www.amenclinic.com I believe.

[jusdewit]

SW wrote "Don't leave me any messages this weekend.

If I want to talk to you I'll contact you here or on the phone."

 

This would have clarified your meaning. Thank you. I'm trying to understand; not annoy you. Do you not want me to talk to the children till after this weekend? If it is ok with you, and them, would you allow them to call me?

 

I love you

Edited July 2, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

OMG

 

YOU are getting swamped, JDI? oh my.

 

What about SW and what ALL she has gone through for YEARS

and IS GOING through?

 

When are you going to put HER needs FIRST before your own?

 

This is what it's about... and your replies to SW are all about YOU and your timetables.

 

Please honor her by NOT calling her. ONLY contact her through the forum. This was the agreement last week on the conference call. ONLY contact her here. IF SHE wants to call you, she will. Put HER FIRST!

 

I can't believe you are still not getting this. Did you take the ADD test or get checked yet?

 

Praying for your family,

June of Ward & June

 

 

Ask SW.

[son-worshipper]

I will check this site a few times over the next few days.

 

Only leave very very important (emergency or semi-emergency) messages on my cell phone.

 

I don't plan to answer the phone. I need a break from you. I'll probably get on the CC Saturday night as we've planned.

 

K. will be at my sister's. Call & check on her daily.

[J_W]

JDI,

Where is your apology to SW for calling her so early when SHE told you to contact her through the message board????

 

SW does not need you to explain/accuse. She needs to receive a sincere apology.

 

Calling her at 8am (KNOWing she was tired and wanted to sleep in) and then calling her three more times during the day yesterday REQUIRES an apology to SW -- this hurt her.

 

No wonder she has again told you to stop calling her phone.

 

Please step up to the plate and "own it" - this will help regain trust that you want to bring healing to your wife's heart.

 

Focus on the ways to bless her and to get "the list" finished and the (more personal) apology to the children completed.

 

praying,

 

June of Ward & June

[son-worshipper]

I don't see your revised letter to our youngest children or the draft to our oldest son.