Teafriend

Hello, I am one of the ones who has been following this thread for a l-o-n-g- time and not posted. I think I did not post because it was so much like my own story twenty+ years ago... that I just wanted to be an observer... I really did not want to open that door to share. I apologize. I DO know however, that U has been MORE than upfront with his Lovely. ( there U, I named her for you ) Ok, so now I am going to say something that I should have... for a long time. U, As a woman who has walked in your Lovely's shoes, I want to say that she knows what you are doing, and she is struggling with her insides every day. DON"T GIVE UP!! I too had a "midlife" crisis. I had 3 children at the time...I was in an abusive relationship, blah blah... and I HAD to get out to make my own way to feel "acheived--other than a mom and an abused dummy" and to relieve myself of the daily grind of insults and belittlement and physical abuse on HIS tough days... ( that now I know was caused by the toddler within..J&K!!) To make a long story short... I did everything I could to make my then H jealous... to make him own up to his abuse.. while at the same time "finding" myself... when he started to finally admit to me his part in the fiasco of our marriage,( 3 years!) it was too late, I had fallen for a man who treated me well....HAD he started loving me and asking for forgiveness, it would have taken awhile but I KNOW in my heart that I would have gone back to him!! I know that to this day... I think that Lovely is doing what she is doing to get to KNOW herself.. she sees the change in U... and is fighting with all her being against it... but in her HEART she knows she wants to be there. It looks bad right now... but when she was showing affection to U, I really felt I knew what she was feeling... U, I want to say that in my book, you are doing terrific. The only suggestion I would make ( take it or leave it!!) is to send her little gifts that remind her of some good times...affirm her in some small way of her "finding" herself. She will see you are NOT fighting her being what she feels God called her to be...but are there for her in a real way. She is on the precipice( spelling?)... you keep after her... Be kind to me if you disagree Warmly,

Julie, How wise to stay dark. After reading the filth he dares to write ( does he not get it that everythingwritten is evidence?) You must continue to guard your peace...snooky does not have anyone's interest in mind but HIS...the moment he is crossed he turns viperish.. a very BAAAD sign!! Stay strong Princess!! Loving you from a good part of MO. ( btw-what happened to E?)

Thank you Hosanna for stopping by! Thank you for confirming me yet again! I did ask Prancer last night what was keeping him home... he had no answer. But that is not unusual... he can't ever seem to think beyond the silly conversational comment. His excuse for all the drinking is that work is tough ( it is!) and that he has to take out the workers that are in town... whatever! Last night I worked out at the gym and did not show up until pretty late, and brought a salad home to eat... he was acting like I should pay attention to him.. I just acted like he does and ignored him and stayed on the phone, ate and went to bed. He seemed suprised that I was so unreachable But today before he left he told me he would be home early tonight... a sign that he got my message. Any ideas to get him to have actual talks with me? Communication? On a funny note.. I am exercising... a lot! And changing my eating... so what shows up in the mail? A big Jelly Belly box from my cousin FILLED with candy and my favorite jelly beans Temptation!! So I am packing that up and giving it to my kids to take away with them to college. I am down 3#..41 to go! I am making this my journal on that journey too!

Dory, I am praying for you too.... Cross currents indeed! I am praying for a whale experience for him.

Thank you Sharon for stopping by! I am watching your thread.. I am so glad that Romans is trying to hear you and heal your heart...How old are your kiddos? Yippee on getting your degree! What is it in? This is my second run at a career.. I was a midwife for 25 years ..Prancer HATED me being a midwife! Even though I KNOW that is what God called me and gifted me to be...Prancer could never see it that way, ever. Prancer is still drinking, but not like it used to be....I am afraid of that re-occurring because if it does I am not holding onto this marriage again. I still hold my breath nearly every night, especially if he is not home by 6...I just HATE that! He was late last night, did not call.. one thing that I have asked for XXX times.. I did not say anything because I am trying to get a grip of my emotions... I NEED ideas on how to get Prancer to have real conversations with ME. He can do this with anyone else... what s the HANGUP?? Yesterday I exercised until I just could not do it anymore I have decided for the next four weeks I am going to do what I can to start losing the poundage I have put on the last two semesters... UGH!! MJ- Did you see my note to you? Ok, I need to scoot.. I am walking at the park this morning..only 40# to go..

Sharon, Your song/voice is beautiful..as I knew it would be! Thank you for sharing! I am glad that Romans is getting there for you. Ouch on the broken toe! Hope the shoe fits..( little pun there... ha!)

I have to laugh with you all... I have a Ford Windstar that makes me feel like I am in a ballroom with a glitz ball, the inside lights blinking all the time ..randomly.. and the wipers have a mind of their own but can't seem to work when it is raining. And the emergency brake light flashes to the tune of Jingle Bells.. the door lock does not open unless I use a spray on it each day, and most of the time I have to reach around to unlock it which has made the campus security come asking if I am breaking in... As SOON as I graduate, I am buying myself a car with a warranty

I am feeling lonely/depressed because Prancer can't seem to really "connect" with me. I can't have a MEANINGFUL conversation with him. He is great at silence and ""contemplation" and blaming ME for not being able to have a normal conversation..... because I am too confrontive ( about his inability to communicate past a grunt or two). When I am doing school, it is easy to let him off the hook because I can fill my mind with homework and housework...it is just too hard to always beg for intimacy. He works hard, cooks and shops, and I am grateful for that... but does that release him from meeting my other needs? Am I just being stupid? The Thanksgiving episode is along this line too... I just could NOT get him to communicate with me...I feel so disconnected but then I feel I should be thankful for all that he does do....argh!! When I told him how sad and alone I felt last night ( and told him how close to the edge I was) he told me he does not think it is fair for me to lay all that pressure at his feet, and that I need to see a counselor.... Then he said, he knows that this is not settled but he has a busy day ahead of him, can he go to sleep?

Thank you for being so steadfast David... it gives me such hope for the men on here! ( AND my husband who won't get on here!) Prayers for your strength... will continue! May the prayers for your beautiful be answered.. I am praying that her heart hears yours and that her head will follow quickly....

Hosanna, I am hijacking your thread.. that message is for me too! Please keep sharing how you are really doing... it helps me see I am normal! I am praying for you... even if I am not here on the threads, I am thinking about all of us on here. I have a book with our names...and pray for the things that are mentioned. Who thought healing would be hard after our husbands start to turn around??

Thanks MJ! You have a knack of making me feel better I think that I need to work on being so negative! I was letting my feelings lead me down a wrong path again...the precipice edge draws me too close... What has happened to Elis? I can't find her posts anywhere... what did I miss? I am coming to Montreal in May... are you anywhere near there? Wouldn't it be fun to meet?

Julie, Happy Belated Birthday! I just want to send a few (((hugs))) your way. You are doing fabulous! I am praying that your business will continue to grow and prosper and that you will regain the footing that you need ! You are awesome! BTW-- It is incredible about Snooky. He is a real baby. He is a broken water heater...mostly cold but sometimes hot when a surge of energy goes through him...

I can't hold my breath this long! Come back and post an update, whatever it is!!!

Feeling sorry for myself this morning... Several weeks ago I invited a LOT of people to a party for last night. I put a lot of work and effort into it. About 6:30 people started calling, not coming because of a headache, too tired after work, sick kid, etc..... So who showed up? One son, one daughter and her boyfriend. Yep. We had a nice time.... but I felt ummm-------you fill in the blank. On the good side, I passed all my classes with A's and one B. I missed that A by 0.6 pts!! Oh well Off to lick my wounds

Hope you are doing well MJ! Thinking of you!

Kimberly, Thanks for stopping by! And THANKS for the prayer... I certainly need it. Being in school at my age is.....interesting Today, I spent the good part of an hour talking to my SIL about her husband ( Prancer's brother) throwing drunken fits and causing her to wonder if it is time to leave her ten year marriage... I told her to come here to join me This is the SAME BIL who spoke to my husband and told him to straighten up... can you beleive it? I can....alcohol has been a huge factor in their family.( Men's) Prancer, for the most part, is still working on making me feel safe and loved. He has some digressions, but nothing like the past! Ill see where Looney's thread is...I need all the friends I can find! Dinner awaits..Prancer cooked, yippeeeee

This is finals week. Lots of pressure to pass. A test every day til thursday. So much turmoil in the classroom! Quite a few people dropped from failing drug/alcohol test. More learned they are not going on to the 2nd year program next year... all very upsetting. I draw a cross on my hand every day to remind myself NOT to get involved in drama AND to keep my testimony clean.... all things that are hard to do. At least people know where I stand ( from comments I hear... that I don't drink and certainly don't cheat!) However...I am a very lonely person. I try to be friendly and helpful...dear heavens, what does a person have to do to have friends in their life? Prancer has been helpful and kind since Thanksgiving. We are getting along pretty well all things considered. I am off to bed, I am exhausted.

Hosanna, You all are making good progress! Realizing problems is always the first step. Now if he can let you in completely! Praying for you... especially during the holiday season....

MJ, I too thank you for sharing the advice. I think that sometimes God gives to many people through the advice for one! I am praying for your son..as a parent of a borderline personality young adult, I can certainly understand how you are feeling! May God answer our prayers in amazing ways Loving you from afar!

Sheesh...alcoholics/substance abusers. Do you have counseling available for your H to go to? As a counselor yourself, you know that this is beyond him having self control. He needs help!! My Prancer has to go to the counselor because HE IS NOT capable of saying no to drink ON HIS OWN... Al-Anon gives them a reason for their drinking.. I don't like that program...too full of excuses, but it is helpful as far as healing some of the problems they have caused. I am so sorry you are going through this.. but unless you walk through the current now, you will never get to the other side!!! Keep being firm, we are right behind you!! Loving you from afar!

Hello Menomama! I just wanted to add something here our minister said... there is a big difference in aggressive vs. assertive people. Aggressive can mean that they want their way even when it is wrong and they push over anyone who disagrees with them. Assertive means more that a person stands for what is right and won't be moved by pleas and whiny-ness by others to get their way, especially WHEN it is wrong! This is a point that I have had to make several times....I can be assertive without being aggresive...because ( in MY experience) the mother-son issues deal more with aggressive. Make sense? I sure hope so! The women on here are assertive....they KNOW what is right and won't be swayed ( thank the Lord!) Just my .02

MJ, I hope that if you do get on tonight's phone call that something will touch Z's heart deeply. We need them to understand( and ACT for) our hearts and those of our kids too... Praying for you all!

I wrote this long letter about my Thanksgiving. I decided it really could be summed up in a few words. I just don't "get" myself anymore...

MJ I am in total agreement with you! (((MEN)))Prancer can't seem to see anything around him but what HE wants to see ( and that is NOT much! ) I have to guide, push, cajole,whisper, yell...to get him to see where he needs to be leading...ugh Thank you for your comment about my daughter. I pray for her everyday, and pray everytime the Holy Spirit brings her to my mind...the girls is going to be a LIGHT after she is done rebelling Something she said to me awhile back came to me...and I told her about my part, I am hoping that she heeds me... She told me that we are sooo much alike.. how true!! I told her that when I was young I did SOOO many things that I have spent a lifetime trying to forget/forgive myself for, and done out of anger and lonliness about my parents abandoning me to be in the care of a hateful brother... I told her that the quicker she FACES her problems and stops trying to drown them out with alcohol and whatever... the quicker she will heal. ((((sigh))))) Ok, off to school, two more tests today. Lord, May all that I studied, read, heard, come to mind today as I take these tests. May my mouth be like a steel trap keeping in all that I should NOT say to my fellow students, and let me be a LIGHT to those around me with my SILENT testimony. Lord, you know my weaknesses, may they become strengths for Your Glory. In the name of Jesus...AMEN!

MJ Thank you for your sweet prayer on my thread! I am praying for these men... that they will stop losing DAYS of their lives( by us going dusky!) with us because of following their heart's desire instead of Laying down their lives as Christ did for His bride.....may THAT message ring in their ears!! Our families DO need us to be together and strong in the Lord! Praying for you too!!