damsel in distress

Truth, Don't know what is going on, but it sounds like your man is there for you, and that is good. I'll be praying for you too. Damsel

Mary Jane, Oh the ups and downs of this. Glad you are on a up. Long for the day when it is a permanent up. Damsel

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement Mary Jane. I have continued to feel devastated and confused. Crying a lot. The last two days Knight has done little things for me along the way. Today he has given me lots of hugs. At one point I asked him why he was doing this and he said that he had not given up, that he was just struggling. We read from Nair some this afternoon and then we talked. I have mixed feelings about the talk. Some good parts. Some sad parts. Some revealing parts. A few smiles and a few tears. Lots of hugs. Damsel

A couple of guys on the forum have a men's group based on this material I think. You could check with them for input. One of them is UndyingTrust.

Looney, My heart goes out to you in the mixture of emotions you are going through. May God console you in the down ones and lift you higher in the good ones. May He come along side you and your children in such a strong way that you all know without a doubt that He is there for you. Damsel

Ulysee, Don't think I have ever written to you before, but I always read your posts and pray for you. Have been thinking about you and concerned to not see a post for awhile. I wanted you to know that I noticed and that I am praying for you. Damsel

Ulysee, Don't think I have ever written to you before, but I always read your posts and pray for you. Have been thinking about you and concerned to not see a post for awhile. I wanted you to know that I noticed and that I am praying for you. Damsel

Thanks Mary Jane, But today dogged persistence is feeling depressing. I'm hoping that delayed gratification will indeed be worth it. Sometimes I feel like stopping all the "dogged persistence" and just smiling and trying to be happy and acting like everything is ok. Problem is, that's how we were living, and everything was NOT ok. Neither of us were happy. So I'm trying to keep my eye on the horizon. Damsel

Dory, So glad to see this. I am one of the ladies breathing that sigh of relief. We can take the bumps, hills and mountains, if we know that in the end it will work out. Aside from that, I also have a tenderness in my heart for any of the women here as I journey along side them, so I care about things being back on for your sake too. And we all know that our husbands are not actually happy when things are not going well in the marriage. Happy wife, happy life, right? Thank you for the words both you and Nemo have spoken into our marriage. Thank you for forging the trail before us. Thank you for not giving up. Both of you. Damsel

Truth, I am so glad to see you guys back here. Don't leave again. Don't get discouraged. You know you can find help here. I am so tickled to see your husband call you "Ravishingly Beautiful". How are you guys doing on the homework? Keep on being the Help Meet. Damsel

Hey Rejoicein, So glad to see you guys back on here. Don't let it stop this time. You will have bumps, but if you don't bring them here, how will you ever work through them. I have a special place in my heart for you two fellow Intensive mates. Always wonder about the other ones from our Intensive. Sure hope something good has been happening for them. Now, most important, don't give up. Don't quit. It will be worth it. Damsel

Mary Jane, In my braver moments I can do this. I want to get to where I believe enough in my worth, in God's purpose for marriage and in God's plan for a help meet, that I can do this all the time. I have been thinking lately that, even though it is so discouraging to feel like I have to initiate so much of this, that I do not want to "not initiate" and then our marriage not reach an OHM because I didn't put out the effort. I don't want to continue in a marriage like this, or worse, lose the marriage, and always wonder:" I wonder how it miiiiiiiight have been if I had done the work of a help meet, no matter how discouraging?" So I keep pressing forward. Some days more strongly and some days with more difficulty. But always trying to keep it moving. I am tired of feeling like a cringing, cowering pup groveling for crumbs. I am a princess. The daughter of the King. My father loves me and He gave me my husband, not for pain, but for good. God wants me (us) to have an OHM and I (we) deserve one. Onward! Damsel

Mary Jane, I certainly don't know why it has to be so difficult, but I have lived through the same cycle you just described, too many times to count. So at least I can say to you that it is nothing personal, it's just the way men are wired for some strange (heartbreaking) reason. It does make me think a lot about our role as a help meet. If God made women to need so much touch, and men to be so unlikely to give it, that's why we have to be help meets and teach (and teach and teach) them to give it. It can be very discouraging though. I'm trying to wrap my mind around another way of looking at it so that it seems something other than discouraging. I struggled for a long time with something similar. Whenever I went off to ladies retreats I would miss Knight so much and be so eager to see him when I got back. Most of the time he would barely spare me a glance. Oh, you're back. That was it. This devastated me. I started telling him each time before I left how I wanted him to receive me when I got home. I would remind him on the phone while I was at the event. I would remind him the last time I talked to him before heading home. At first it did not do any good. After many times he has started to do better at it. So, I encourage you to spell out exactly what you want when you come back together after being apart, even if for short times. Maybe on days when you need distance like this time, when you are feeling better and ready to head back home, call him and say, "I needed a little distance, but I am ready to come home. I would really like to be received well and feel like I make a difference in your life. When I arrive home I would like you to" .....(spell out whatever would make you feel good). Then keep telling him this over and over, and some day (hopefully) he will start to get it. Damsel

Mary Jane, Thanks for the prayers. I saw that you are selling off most of your land. I know that is a major change. I so relate that our husbands have other things on their minds while marriage remains at the forefront of ours. What is selling land in comparison to a broken heart, right? It is totally normal. God made us to keep up with nurturing the relationship. Damsel