Marriage in chronic fatigue

[damsel in distress]

[FallenKnight]

I know I need to make this commitment and I am working doing that. I don't want it to be just words. I have said the right words to you in the past and then didn't follow through because my heart was not totally committed to the words I knew were right, the words I would like to live up to but nevertheless failed to do. So, I'm working on it.

 

As for putting my heart and feelings out here on display that's against the rules. It's not about me it's about you. So, whatever I'm dealing with, I'll just deal with it.

 

I apologize for my attitude coming across as boring. I personally felt fine on the outing. I actually felt calm and at ease, enjoyed the peaceful walk around the lighted square. The girls seemed fine with me as the each came up to walk with me at times and hug. You can act silly and break out at times. That's fine but it's not me, especially not now in my life. Just because I'm not bouncing around with a half dozen teenagers doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. Quiet, yes. Serene, yes. Pensive, yes. Bad, not necessarily. But, I'm really sorry if it came across that way and ruined your evening. Though I image it was your interpretation based on all your pain from our relationship that led to that interpretation. For that I am truly sorry.

[FallenKnight]

Mary Jane, I'm sure you mean well. Didn't quite understand, though, where you're coming from in writing `oozing oppression` and `you sure need to get over yourself'.

[damsel in distress]

Soooo, how about, while you are deciding, you do the things you have already told me you are going to do along the way? How about while you are deciding, you treat me based on the fact that you keep assuring me that you do love me. How about you treat me in a way that makes it easy for me to help the girls have a great Christmas. How about you consider it a Christmas gift. It's really all I want for Christmas, as I told you. Gifts are only things. I want you. I want smiles, hugs, kisses. I want physical touch. I want you to respond with L.O.V.E when I (get up the courage to) share my feelings with you. I want you to be reading the books with me every day. I want you to watch the DVD with me each week. I want us to talk on the phone calls each week. I want you to write on the forum each week, not to explain things, but to ask for help. If you are having a hard time deciding to decide, ask for help from people who have been where you are and made it past that point. Those are the things I want for Christmas. How about it? Damsel

[Pure in Heart]

FallenKnight,

 

You are confused with wanting your own way..... and the WAY...you do things.

 

You can DO anything you want, say anything you want, act in any way YOU want....as long as you do it God's way. What does that look like for a husband then?? Has God not told you already that the thing you DO should be in acordance with the way God says to do anything. To walk in obedience to Christ... your flesh can not be in charge any more.

 

You have a voice...not any longer to use that voice to ABUSE, withhold, a voice that goes silent, a voice that speaks irritation, an indecisive passive voice, an accusing voice... but now your voice is to used to speak love and blessing.Your behavior now is NOT to abuse but your actions and words are loving.

 

You do get a choice.

 

Your rights to be YOU is that YOU make sure YOU DO evertyhing in a Christ-like WAY. That is the ONLY WAY God tells you to behave as a husband in a Christian marriage. YOU no longer as a man dying to himself can do anything YOUR FLESH WANTS TO DO. Or, in your case NOT DOING the thing you know to do. That is disobedience even if you were not married.

 

A man who dies to himself does not worry about what the "other" person is or isn't doing. You are a dead man...what does a dead man care if he gets anything?? He is dead...nothing effects him.

 

Ken Nair said to my husband...she is pushing your buttons??? Exactly!!! If you did not have any buttons to push she couldn't push them could she?? It isn't your wife doing anything wrong...it your flesh kicking up and proving that your flesh is still alive.

 

Your rights as a Christian...Christ-like man...is to now walk LIKE Christ. You either want to be this man or not. That is your choice. YOUR WIFE IS NOT making you choose to walk in your flesh...you choose the WAY you love her.

 

God's way or YOUR way. You get to choose. Life or death....yes or no...blessing or cursing....wide or the narrow...to withhold or give...to die or or save your own life....all of it your choosing.

 

One man fights not to do the thing he should do and another man fights to do the thing he knows to do. This is not new. Paul understood this long ago and recorded it in Romans. No big surprise that there is nothing new under the sun and men are selfish and seek their own comfort levels and decide in and of themselves what they will or will not do.

 

SO, you are in a battle damsel did not put you in. You have been in this battle since your first meeting with Christ. God is good to you in giving you a wife because now you are not left completely alone to figure out life and relationship alone...stumbling around in the darkness...now...you have a HELP-MEET. A help who surrounds you, aids you, protects you, points out pit-falls, down falls, stumbling blocks, ruts, and pot-holes. You frustrate God's will for her and cut her off from walking in her God-given role and design for womanhood. God is gracious in this.. as He gave you someone strikingly different from you... and at the same time someone that is utterly fascinating. God cold ahve given you a potatoe sack for heavens sake!! No!! He gave you a companion, an equal, a team-mate, an aesthetic creature for you to be enthralled with. Wake up Fallen!! Do not despise God's gift to you. A gift that has the potential to bring comfort, solace, love, a directional, a teacher of relationship and matters of the heart, a spiritual giant!!

 

Your wife is your help-meet to mirror who you are. You can not undo God's creative order. He created you to be a MAN. With that, God had a purpose and plan in His design of HOW you would walk that out and WHAT it looks like..."husbands, lay down your life for your wife"...that is the purpose God in His wisdom made you to walk in. You will not undo God's mind or purpose for you as a man...you are the SOURCE of life and strength, the supplier, the Overseer, the Gardener, the Husbandmen in the Vineyard...you are called to SUPPLY and she is called to be the receiver, responder and the receptacle of that very life...she takes it and multiplies back to YOU.

 

If you try to be anything other than a MAN you will never be satisfied and always frustrated if you try to be the wife and walk out her heart and needs...God did not make you to be the Responder...You are the GIVER...when you try to walk any other way then you get frustrated and blame her for NOT being a man. How does that figure??

 

Be a MAN and stop blaming her when she tells you... you are not walking in your masculinity...the man God created you to be. That is her God-given role. If you shut her voice you shut down your compass...your directional and GPS relationship system.

 

You have a voice...your right is to use it in a CHrist-like way

 

Firewalker wrote this quote..It is full of wisdom

 

That is the point: Christ-likeness is not about humanity, it is about being led of the Spirit to fulfill all the fullness of Christ on this earth. Jesus even told His disciples that they would be doing greater works on earth than He was able to, because of the presence of the Spirit in their lives and the work that the Holy Spirit would do through them.

 

As a husband pursues Christ-likeness, his behavior towards a wife is more consistently loving and less and less selfish. A man in a marital rut is doing relatively the same thing, and thinking that he was a "good guy", but minimizing how his pervasive selfishness and self-interest made a wife pay the price

 

Now, I have a voice and he has a voice. His voice is to speak out of love for me. Do I sin against him at times? Yes. Do I apologize and validate his feelings when I do? Yes. Does he point out the sin in my life? No. Why not? Because he has his plate full just working on surrendering his life daily to Christ. His old nature is still fighting against him and against our marriage. His pointing out my faults and sin would totally get his eyes off his goal. The speck in my eye, versus the log in his, so to speak.

 

A husband beginning this process MUST now act in ways that make up for his abuses in the marriage...part of God's love is restitution and an attitude of restoration. That actually looks like something. SHE is the injured party...you have disregarded her heart for years. The injured party in Biblical restoration is the one who has the rights to the terms of allowing the person who abused them back into their life. For a wife her heart is damaged. She can not jsut allow you to demand your rights while you walk all over hers. THAT is the difference you fail to see.

 

For a husband the only way he learns to forget his rights is to die to them...it is simple to understand. The reason you fight her is that in truth you are frustrated with your own flesh. It is your own demons you are fighting and blaming her When you try to live your life outside the parameters of how God designed you as a MAN then you live in the tension of that. Not walking in your masculinity is WHY you feel frustrated. That is not on damsel. God will frustrate you plans and thwart you because He loves you and does not want you to miss "BECOMING"...becoming transformed into the image of His dear SON.

 

Kimberly

[MaryJane]

Mary Jane, I'm sure you mean well. Didn't quite understand, though, where you're coming from in writing `oozing oppression` and `you sure need to get over yourself'.

Yes, I meant well, although felt a tinge of the frustration Damsel feels, I expect.

 

She keeps "speaking" up to you on this thread. I admire her courage. I know how it feels to dread saying anything to one's husband. To dread hearing his many objections, apparently, to her very existence!

 

All a wife wants is to feel loved and accepted by her husband.

 

When her husband does NOT smile at her, she feels rejected. When he enters the room, or walks past her without touching or looking at her or speaking to her, she feels rejected, despised, unloved.

 

This is a small part of the oppression I was speaking of.

 

When damsel feels "pensive" I expect she tries to make sure everyone around her is cared for emotionally before she retreats into her shell to think. I'm guessing here. She sounds like a good mother. That's what she would do. That is "dying to self" -- or, "getting over oneself" in my opinion.

 

I pray the Holy Spirit reveals to you the key, the specific answer you need for your own marriage. In God's strength and with His wisdom, you are WELL able to conquer whatever the enemy is!

 

I've been thinking lately about the fact that it is the enemy of us all, who is at enmity with The Woman. There's something in there I think we need to really see, these days.

[damsel in distress]

[Pure in Heart]

Fallen,

As for putting my heart and feelings out here on display that's against the rules. It's not about me it's about you. So, whatever I'm dealing with, I'll just deal with it

 

Am I asking for responses on things that I should not be asking for? Is his response valid?

 

 

You can put anything out there that you want. If you have questions then just ask. No one minds questions. No one minds you sharing your feelingfs or frustrations... as long as you understand that if I or someone else explains why your presentation of facts may be different than what CHrist-likeness constitutes...just be open to "tweaking". In this way you can discover where your thinking may be log-jammed.

 

"Venting" may be a way for you to think you are unloading but what men tend to do is "vent" about their wife's "behavior" and how that irks the man. This is not a place to dump more put downs about your wife. Your sharing "feelings" should focus on yourself and your struggles not looking for damsel to be your scape-goat...For example....the wrong way to say something whether with a wife or not is...well, I do_________, because she makes me. A better way to share your inner feelings or questions would be...When damsel says,_______-or does_________how would Christ behave? MY general reactions to my wife are_________, what can I do to change this or what is more appropriate way to treat my wife that would bring blessing and healing to her?? In these ways you are not blame-shifting you are both humble and teachable at the same time you are asking questions to get you to a place of growth and ultimately maturity in Christ.

 

Looking to blame-shift or put responsibility on her is not healthy for you or her. You can say, I am doing or not doing_________with damsel, what can I do to bring about better results and a happier relationship? Asing instead of telling is better communication. One shows wanting to learn the other is that yuou are already convinced YOU are right so why bother trying to change your mind.

 

That is not self-control and wanting to learn about your wrong motives and attitudes but again making your behavior or being a man dependent upon another person's behavior. No one makes you do anything....you choose your reactions and behaviors.

 

K

[damsel in distress]

Post written on Wednesday:

 

I really appreciate you getting on the phone call last night. I realize it was late and we had gotten little sleep the night before. However, it is important to me for you to do whatever is necessary to be awake on the phone calls. I appreciate the touch you have given me in the last couple of days, but I also want to reiterate that I feel very inconsequential when you roll over and go to sleep without any type of goodnight as you did after the phone call last night. (If perchance this last sentence makes you feel defensive and like giving excuses and justifying yourself, take it as an opportunity to die to YOURSELF and listen to my needs.)"

 

Post written on Thursday:

Thank you for your apology last night after being grouchy with me yesterday. Thank you for initiating reading. Thank you for getting the table and chairs here. Thank you for moving the big table. Thank you for hugs last night and this morning.

 

I do want to acknowledge all these things and they are important to me. But I realize as I type them that they portray a happy day yesterday. Yesterday was not a happy day for me because of your attitudes. Sometimes you say that you do things right and it's not good enough. Yesterday might be a good example of this. Because of the way we started out the day with you being mean to me and not apologizing sincerely for it, I had an instant headache and heartache for the rest of the day and was not able to enjoy the good things you did. Actions done with a bad attitude, often don't end up being received as good actions.

 

I was able to end the day well because I am trying to build the habit of believing the fact that you have told me that you do love me and are committed to working on this marriage. I was able to enjoy the circle of your arms and sleep well.

 

This is the last day of this year. I don't even know if you are reading here or not. I sure would love to end this year with a good day. Damsel

[Pure in Heart]

damsel,

 

However, it is important to me for you to do whatever is necessary to be awake on the phone calls. I appreciate the touch you have given me in the last couple of days, but I also want to reiterate that I feel very inconsequential when you roll over and go to sleep without any type of goodnight as you did after the phone call last night. (If perchance this last sentence makes you feel defensive and like giving excuses, take it as an opportunity to die to YOURSELF and listen to my needs.)"

 

No, you are certainly not whining. In truth you should be whining more to Fallen!!

 

Your trepidation and always worrying about him seems and feels to me that you walk on eggshells and are held hostage by his moods. If Fallen "feels" like it then you can approach him...if Fallen "feels" like he is in a good mood or decides that day to be a man then you can dare to say anything to him. He is not King Xerses and you are not Esther waiting for him to extend his sceptor as if you have no rights or permission to encroach on his world. This is how he treats you. You are a bother to him and he is "tired" and irritated constantly. So he tells himself he has the "carnal" right to stay inside himself and not be the husband and you better understand him.

 

You must guage what he needs FIRST, before you dare tell him what you need from him. That is clearly Fallen being the woman!!

CHRIST WENT FIRST...NOT CHRIST'S WIFE...

 

It is no wonder he is frustrated!! He is trying to walk out being a man but wanting to be the woman. That is called a square peg in a round hole. He can NOT break God's creative order and get upset it does not work. Of course it doesn't work...he is not being a MAN!!

 

When a man is not being a man and then gets frustrated...he blames his wife. In reality his wife has NOTHING to do with it. He is not being a man. Then he adds insult to injury by claiming she has incredible powers to stop him from being a man or obeying the instruction of God...to lay or give his life for his wife.

 

He could say, damsel...I am sorry that for all our married life I have made my emotions your responsibility. I have expected you to be strong when I was weak...the way the Lord would do for His Bride. I have expected you to be MY source of life and strength...for you to die to your own needs to first meet mine. I expected you to deny yourself for my benefit instead of my laying my life doen for you. I have this backwards and YOU, damsel are the one who has suffered and I have suffered the fall-out by never growing up and being what a man is called to. I demand that you HELP ME be in control instead of ME being a man and having self-control...able to stand on my own two feet...and walk out the frustrations, the disappointments, the hard places, the trials and tribulations that come to every soul...without in the past expecting and demanding that you, the weaker vessel....make my life alright so I can function. You have borne the brunt of these alone. You have had to be the leader, the strength, the spiritual one, the one who really had the relationship with God...you have carried our life alone on your back. The Cross I refused to pick up has been put on you. I thought all the "good" I was doing for God counted for something...but come to find out...it is actually you who were doing life alone...watching from the sidelines...and then getting dumped on by me. It is no wonder you are tired and weary...who did you have damsel to take your pain too?..Who comforted you in your trials? Who was your source??...I expected God to come down and take care of you so I did not have too. How convenient that I asked for a wife and then threw her off onto God. I promised to love and cherish you and then left you to manage life alone. You got married thinking I was everything I claimed to be and convinced you I would take care of you and then you got nothing. BUT I expected you to take care of me. That's is all you are good for damsel. I use you and throw you away. I made sure I did not deny myself but I twisted it to mean I denied you. Then I got angry and resisted God and you because you NEEDED me. I do not like to be needed. I lied and was dishonest to God and myself. I put up "ministry" as this smokescreen...I essentially used God too to make me feel all good about myself because after all...I was the "man of God" and now God owed me too. I expected God to take care of my emotions...by patting me on the back for what turns out to be my "reasonable" service. I expected God to prop me up and take care of my emotions. I have done nothing here to actually co-labor with Him...to do MY PART in this whole thing. I thought God took care of everything...including you.

 

 

 

When a woman is married to a passive man she has to be AGGRESSIVE and stay on him. He will try and get away with doing nothing. If a wife lets him get away with it...he would stay lazy. Yes, he will NOT like it that you are pointing out to him that he is sef-absorbed and only does what he wants to do for himself. When he does something positive...yes, tell him...thank-you sweetheart for meeting my need...that blessed me...I can see you are changing...but do NOT overdo the kudos or they think they have suddenly arrived.

 

You are right that he can seem to manage to stay up late for his own purposes but heaven forbid he should do something for you. There is something wrong here. And your heart is certainly picking up on it. And YES that is precisely what passive men do...they DO for themselves and run our of steam for anyone else. The more however, they focus on others the more their passivity will go away. That is how it works.

Damsel, it is not your role as a help-meet to prop him up emtionally. He is looking to you to lay your life down for him and it is not working. you are not created to agape love your husband into change.

 

He clearly acts like the "responder" in this relationship. His moods fluctuate and he expects YOU to keep step with him instead of him blessing YOUR heart and meeting your needs.

 

He can not grow or mature as a man if he consistently is the wife in the relationship. You are weary and tired because instead of filling you up with life and strength he keeps taking it from you. Your reactions and the feelings in your heart coming up for you ARE your "responding antennae" picking up on his unChrist-like behavior, lack of manly behavior and being driven by every wave and wind of his feelings.

 

You then have to be busy trying to fix everything for him and making sure he is "stable" for the marriage to be stable. This is completely backwards and YOU are reeling from the effects of it. You are trying to take responsibility for EVERYTHING. Of course you are worn out and hurting. You were NOT created for that role....you are the container, receiver, responder of love...this is what gives you strength and the raw materials to give back to him. He goes FIRST and then you RESPOND. You take in agape love and being cherished and nurtured and from this place of being filled up in your heart you give back to him...this is how a marriage becomes a mutually satisfying relationship.

 

He says, he wants to do this but then does nothing to back up his words. He finds every excuse in the book to need more and more FROM YOU instead of GIVING more and more of himself TO YOU.

 

Men are created by God to be the GIVERS, the Blessors, the lovers in the relationship. This is EXACTLY HOW they become mature and like Christ. They are only being a man when they are in giving mode...initiating..blessing mode...pouring agape love into the wife. THEN she responds and gives back. If he is not giving anything her well is empty to draw from. He can not make withdrawals from the bank if he has not made any deposits. What deposits??? Hold on this is deep!!....he actually does 20/20/20...he actually acts like he is in a marriage...he actually mouths the words I love you on a daliy basis....Whoa, isn't that a novel idea?? It is so ridicuously simple.

 

His immaturity is dictating his resistance. He has to be in CONTROL.And he would rather abuse his wife by withholding love in direct rebellion and defiance to Scripture rather than just love his wife the way SHE NEEDS to be loved. It is PRIDE. AND HE KEEPS FALLING. FALLEN KNIGHT!!!...How prophetic.

 

You confront him and he gets all "discouraged"?? But he should be discouraged!! He is not behaving like a man. Why should a wife applaud a man walking in his flesh??

 

Then a husband gets upset at the wife and says, "what about me?"

 

Yes, exactly...what about you is behaving Christ-like?? That is whata help-meet does. So if he is going 50 mph in a 30mph zone and a policeman stops and gives him a ticket is the police wrong for pointing out his speeding??? Yet, this is what husbands do to a wife all the time. You point out his breaking the laws of your heart and then tells you you are doing something wrong when you give him a ticket for it and he reaps the consequences of his behavior. You as a wife did not take anything away from him...he got caught...he broke the laws of manipulating your heart not he other way around!!

 

Is he a toddler?? Yes. Is he immature? Yes. Is he clueless? Yes. Is this a process? Yes. But he has to be engaged in the process itself to make any headway. The only way he can grow out of immaturity is to DO what God told him to do. If he does not he will stay stuck. He does not get to BLAME you for that. His life is miserable because HE CHOOSES IT TO BE SO.

 

Yes, in this process of which he comes across still half-hearted he is barely doing the minimum. If he looks into the mirror as soon as he turns away he forgets what he looks like. He has to stay in the process and keep his marriage before him or he will forget. That is our nature.

 

The needs you told him to do are NOT too much. He should be doing these without being told but since it isn't a perfect world you can continue to remind him. Keep telling him whether he likes it or not. It is NOT your responsibility to make obeying God all comfy for him. If he is uncomfortable it is because he is dealing with his own resistance not yours.

 

You have done nothing but shown this man you are FOR your marriage and connection. As a matter of fact you have gone over-board. He is to take care of you not you take care of him.

 

When I said NOT too many things at once...I meant give him the ususal homework you received at the Intensive. Just as you said...DVD, 20/20/20..L.O.V.E.....and VENTING...the love acronym goes with the venting...this the bare minimum.

 

I only meant to let him get these requests down consistently before moving on to deeper maturity and taking on more and more initiation. At first because they are toddlers you tell him what you need and he makes sure he is meeting those needs. After a while he should be asking you to read or get on the calls...initiating love making and weekly gifts, 20/20/20 or starting at 10/10/10 and moving toward more...INITIATION and GOING FIRST should be increasing in his behavior.

 

Men can not read our minds...so "emotional or other" needs are communicated to him. You have physical, financial, emotional and spirtual needs...this is how he gets to "understand" you according to 1 Peter 3. He moves toward maturity in all areas of meeting your needs.

 

It is your presenting needs to him and him actually doing something to meet your needs and not resisting you that causes him to grow up and out of his Arrested Development.

 

I pray this helps...

 

Kimberly

[damsel in distress]

[FallenKnight]

In our reading (and subsequent conversation) today two questions arose. Sometimes, I feel back into a corner as she wants to see what's in my heart and pursues it by asking a question or trying to evoke a response that would confirm what she needs/wants to hear. Problem arises when what she wants to hear is not what is in my heart or to the degree that she wants it to be. So, as I struggle to abide by the it's not about me and my feelings but about her I would rather not answer at all or at least I try to answer with the positive that is true (but, will not be what she wants) .... So, do I share my true feelings when they're negative or just be avoid answering? Second, question; Do I lie and tell her what she wants to hear?

[Pure in Heart]

Fallen,

 

 

In our reading (and subsequent conversation) today two questions arose. Sometimes, I feel back into a corner as she wants to see what's in my heart and pursues it by asking a question or trying to evoke a response that would confirm what she needs/wants to hear. Problem arises when what she wants to hear is not what is in my heart or to the degree that she wants it to be. So, as I struggle to abide by the it's not about me and my feelings but about her I would rather not answer at all or at least I try to answer with the positive that is true (but, will not be what she wants) .... So, do I share my true feelings when they're negative or just be avoid answering? Second, question; Do I lie and tell her what she wants to hear?

 

It is hard to answer the question when I have no idea the subject matter.

 

Someone elaborate??? It depends on if this is a decision about your life or something having to do with her heart??

 

Part of the whole "feeling" arena is not that you "have feelings"....it is what are you doing with those feelings? Are you healing her heart in the way you express them to her or are you using your feelings as a weapon against her?

 

If life has been about your feelings alone without consideration for others...then putting yours aside to meet her need is best.

 

Most often a woman's need is to be validated in her right to feel or think differently about any given subject with her husband. It is the former disregard of even hearing her that is troublesome.

 

It is like saying, all her life she says I like blue and for her whole marriage you tell her..No, I don't like blue and you are wrong for liking blue and I will make your life a living nightmare for even liking blue or even mentioning it ever to me.

 

SO you think now I have to lie about the color blue because it might hurt her that I do not like it. She is not asking you to like blue because she does...she is only asking you to NOT condemn her or take her rights to be her away...she can feel anything she wants and your love toward would dictate that she is right in whatever she feels and si expressing to you.

 

Just validate her right to feel whatever she feels. Agreement is not the same thing as listening to her heart..validating her ....and preferring her above you getting your own way.

 

You can say to your wife, "Sweetie, I don't agree but whatever you want or need is more important than what I want. I lay my life down for you."

 

If she knows you have a towel around your waist and you are there to love and serve her no matter what she needs...she is ironically more apt to mutually discuss things and come up with the perfect solution WITH you in a heart of togetherness, connecting and unity with each other.

 

Think Fallen...put this question in terms of what NEED was she asking you to meet?? There is your answer. Ask her.

 

Kimberly

[Pure in Heart]

I think that there is a lot of confusion with this teaching. This is the reason; there is the process and then, there is the other side.

 

The process includes the husband having to submit to his wife. By:

 

- Making it all about her, hearing her heart, her marriage manual, her wishes, her desires, her wants, her needs, etc.

 

-Validating his wife's feelings while dying to himself. This makes sense because he had been the one to bring the marriage to the bad state that it is now in.

 

-The man has the huge ego which strives against Christ-lilkeness. His wife is the ONLY one who is in the unique position to point that out to him and help him.

 

-Also, typically the man has hurt his wife and is responsible to bring healing and restoration to her heart.

 

All of this makes this message look out of balance, but really all it is, is the process necessary for the man to die to himself and arrive at Christ-likeness. Which results in getting to the other side.

 

The other side looks like:

 

- Mutual submission, we make all of our decisions together without strife.

 

- Our thoughts continually keep what is best for the other person in mind.

 

- Christ is central and we both are in submission equally to him. We both have an equal voice as pertaining to the leading of the Lord for our marriage and family.

 

- A healed wife is no longer in the venting stage. We do things to bless each other. We have fun together. We enjoy each other. We love to be together and loath to be apart.

 

- We are able to handle the serious crises in our life much better as a couple, drawing strenght from each other as well as the Lord.

 

- The sexual relationship becomes more fullfulling because the husband has learned how to love his wife unselfishly.

 

So this is how I see it:

 

The current Church thinking is male dominated. This is out of balance, and has created many problems in marriages.

 

When we go into the process of this new paradigm shift, which is a new way of thinking, the pendulum swings to where it looks female dominated. And perhaps it is for a while.

 

This is such a drastic change for people that the immediate knee jerk response is that this can't be God.

 

But the truth is, the pendulum eventually swings to the center of mutual submission, neither the man or the woman is dominating. They are equal in every way.

 

In Christ,

 

Nate

[Pure in Heart]

Fallen,

 

Telling her you love her and she is precious to you is not lying to her...even if you do not "feel" it. A man does not grow by expressing his feelings..he grows by taking action. Agape love has more to do with choice than feeling.

 

Men ACT then they feel. Your feelings "after" you make Christ-like choices toward your wife...will change. When you consistently "act" in loving ways then you become a loving person.

 

Dying to yourself is choosing actions that your flesh does not especially "feel" like doing. Feelings will line up with actions as you continue to focus on your wife.

 

Jesus, I am sure did not "feel" like going to the Cross...He chose it anyway. That choice proved and demonstrated God's love.

 

You are either thinking about yourself or you are thinking about her. You can not have it both ways. You are thinking, how can I bless my wife? Or thinking what do I get?

 

You are thinking "my heart" is first place or "her heart" is first place. I come first or she comes first. Her need is first or my need is first.

 

That is what being an Initiator is. You take the initiative. You start, you begin. You love to be loved. You give then you receive. You sow then you reap.

 

A woman "feels" then she ACTS. The husband gives his wife the raw materials to work with. She "feels" loved then she "responds" to her husband with love. She gathers then she casts. She is the receiver then she responds.

 

That is how God created this to work. This is "Marriage" design.

 

That is dying to yourself.

 

Your whole marriage has been upside down and backwards. You have always expected damsel to be the initiator. A wife after a while will crumble under this out of balance and un-Biblical approach to marriage.

 

Your proof....your wife is showing signs of being rejected and unloved. She is expressing to you her husband...the emptiness and sheer fatigue of always giving to you and getting nothing.

 

Kimberly

[damsel in distress]

[Pure in Heart]

Fallen,

 

Your wife answered you to perfection.

 

She is being your help-meet in this way. By the way she is created by God to be your greatest ally and your best critic.

 

"Underneath a Wife's Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a Heart that Just Wants to be Loved. Underneath a Husband's Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a heart that Just Wants to be In Control."

 

This is the bottom line of Genesis 3:16

 

God created women with a desire for their husband. THAT is not a curse. See Song of Solomon 7:10. When this Hebrew word is referenced between a man and woman, it is an intense, longing, romantic desire.

 

The CURSE is that this man who she so desires - whom she has that "do not quit" attitude toward (which is the only hope we men had when we were bad husbands!) - that man who she is created to desire with all of her heart... he will RULE over her.

 

This RULING is the CURSE of SIN.

 

When we are born again, we are REDEEMED from the curse of the law, so a man who is born again should say, "I redeem you honey, from the curse. I will not rule over you, ever. I will nurture, love, honor, value and support you."

 

So - at the bottom of every woman's heart is a desire to be loved and cherished by her man. That desire is put there by God, before the sin happened. God was simply setting the curse up... a wife has a desire for her husband and he will crush that heart.

 

At the bottom of every man's heart, is that desire to be in control. The desire to be in control is the curse of sin. So in the carnal nature of a man, the desire is to be in control.

 

This control is not just to be in control of his wife. It is to be in control of HIMSELF! Think of the passive husband we wrote about in "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" She is flipping out, being VERY aggressive (Passive aggressive: He is passive and that makes her VERY aggressive!) So she is being aggressive and he is digging his heels in... "I shall not be, I shall not be moved..."

 

His determination to be in control of himself is the curse of sin. A man is designed to GIVE himself to his wife.. not to be in control of himself.

 

So - for a wife - underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be loved.

 

For a husband - underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be in control.

 

"Being a victim" is really scowled at in the world of .25 cent pop psychology. That is sad.. because if the Bible is true, a woman IS a victim of the curse of sin.

 

She has a desire for her husband and he crushes her heart. Her heart is reaching out to him and he is defrauding her.

 

What is her second curse of sin? Pain in childbirth. If THAT is not being victim, I don't know what is.

 

We men take great PRIDE in OUR part of the curse! We take great pride in "being in control" (the first part of the curse) and we even take great pride in working hard to earn a living! (the sweat of our brow!)

 

So we men are activated by the curse! We are ENERGIZED by the curse in our carnal nature! We become workaholics and our narcissism and self-centeredness increases... we PRIDE ourselves on "overcoming" the challenges of earning a living. Then we PRIDE ourselves in being control of ourselves and our wives.. whether he are aggressive or whether he is passive.

 

Ladies, your temptation to "sin" is in getting angry, hardened and embittered. That is Satan's goal. If he can get a woman to be hardened and embittered then he wins. If he can get her to react in the opposite way - desperately enabling her husband to continue to treat her like crap because she is afraid of losing him, then Satan wins.

 

Men, your temptation is to EMBRACE the curse by demanding that YOU are in control of YOU - and for the aggressive guys, that YOU are in control also of your WIFE.

[Pure in Heart]

[rejoicein]

Hey Knight its been a while sense the last time you or I posted to each other. You where there to encourage me early on when you still had some fight in you for your marriage(what happen?).

 

I know it is still there...when are you going to stop running and start fighting again? Do you want to be known the rest of your life as "fallen" or as "Knight". Come on man your wife deserves for you to fight for her.

 

You are a missionary. Will you go out and conquer the world and not reach out at home...after all is that not the first mission field that the Lord gave you?

 

I will say that as a passive guy it has been a slow turn for me. When I finally let Jesus make the changes in me they started to become real changes. I know you don't want to be the guy that pure in heart just described.

 

Let's do this thing together and for once in our lives be real men (true Knights) that our wives cannot get enough of. Let's have OHM's

 

Steve

[Pure in Heart]

Facts - the facts are not as important as the damage done emotionally. For example (made up example), your wife gets really mad at you for purchasing a new gold watch. The truth is that it is not really gold, but silver and instead of addressing the hurt she is feeling over why you made the decision without her you argue with her about the fact that she doesn't even know what color the watch is so her perception and feelings about this are probably wrong too. Now you get "mad" because you are being falsely accused of purchasing a "gold watch" and you consider her to be unreasonable and emotionally volatile. This is absurd and juvenille behavior when the color of the watch isn't the primary core issue. We men often get caught up in the facts to avoid dealing with the emotional issue at hand. My 15 year old is a master at this currently and it is really difficult to have a conversation with him about real issues because he is always micro-analyzing the facts to see where he is being falsley accused and he misses the point frequently. Don't evaluate the facts, deal with the core emotional issue at hand and where it is that you are wounding Miss B.

 

Motives - if I run you over in my car, but didn't mean to would you still be injured? If I came to visit you in the hospital and you are lying there in agony from injuries suffered and I say to you, "you know I am sorry that you got hurt, but hey I didn't mean to. I would never intentionally hit you and from my perspective I really don't have anything to apologize for, it was just an accident." How would you feel? What would you say to me? You would probably be enraged and rightfully so. How dare I sit there and make excuses and try to explain away my behavior that lead to your injuries. How incredibly insensitive this would be for me to do this to you... This is what you do to Miss B when she says, "you hurt me by doing ______"; and you come back with, "well I didn't mean it that way and you are saying that I was trying to hurt you intentionally and that was never my intent, you are judging my motives and you don't know my motives..." You are pouring salt into an open wound and making it worse. Your motives are irrelevant. If you wound Miss B, whether you meant to or not, you apologize and work towards making it right with her.

 

Facts and motives are secondary, her emotional well being is primary. Focus on meeting her emotional needs, her legitimate adult female needs that are right and God-given. Remember that God is the one calling you to love her in this self-sacraficial way (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Peter 3:7); God is the one who made her the way she is and if you humble yourself under His mighty hand He will help you love her and meet her needs.

[Pure in Heart]

Attributes of a Man committed to Healing

 

A man who is sincerely pursuing healing his wife's heart will reach out in humility and get the real help he needs.

He will recognize his continuing being stuck in the pattern of his old ways and will seek counsel to interrupt the negative thinking which produces such behavior that "trying" in the strength of his own "flesh" is likely to produce: sinful, selfish, defensive, self-pitying.

A broken man before the Lord will embrace the current state of behavior and bring it to the altar of the Lord to be burned up

A humble man does not argue, complain, resist, deflect or blame.

A humble man takes ownership of his sin and confesses it as sin, not just a little cluelessness.

A sincere man will re-double his efforts and get busy with REAL change, and confess his half-hearted efforts that kept him only moderately committed.

A passionate husband will set aside his own comfort to get this marriage, the most important calling in his life, on top of the priority list and keep it at the forefront of his mind.

A man who seeks greater Christlikeness will keep short accounts with God, and with his wife, initiating confession regularly at the prompting of the Spirit of God.

A godly, committed husband will become a greater prayer warrior and will enlist the compassionate prayer of his wife to join him in warring on his knees before the Lord and fighting against his REAL enemy: the world, his flesh and the Devil.

 

Attributes of an insincere, selfish, fleshly husband in the healing process

 

A man who is NOT sincere will be: disgruntled, self-pitying, entitled to be angry (He is, in his mind, trying), shut down further emotionally.

He will drag his feet, because afterall he doesn't believe he really is the problem.

He will run away from his wife at every opportunity both physically and emotionally.

He will isolate greater, embracing the hopelessness and identifying himself as the world most misunderstood man.

He is the ultimate V-I-C-T-I-M, and will allow this to kill any hope of real change.

He will enlist the help of others to point out to his wife how right he is about their marriage and how harsh, mean, demanding and cruel his wife is being when she wants "Christlikeness" from him.

He will pray for relief from his pain.

He will bury his head in the sand and hope this too just blows over.

He will continue doing what he always has done, not seeing that that is why he is getting what he has alway gotten in the way of results.

His mind will remain untransformed, making any of his small actions towards healing isolated events, ineffective, disconnected emotionally from his wife, and safe from real risk or discomfort on his part.

He will continue to blame his wife and God for giving him this wife.

_________________

Firewalker

[Joyful50]

BLessings to all.

 

 

Oh my it is late late and this is all pouring out of me... PLease excuse any typo's

This morning as I was emailing a friend this began pouring into my mind.

 

Perhaps it will make you laugh, but I truly believe it is a message from God to those husband's that choose not to love us and die to themselves. They think it is all our fault and if we just change all would be solved........

 

I was just thinking about what God would say to these husbands and this is what filled my spirit and I began to write........

 

You know it just boggles my mind when these men choose not to love us.

 

This is the conversation I imagine the Lord would have with each husband that has chosen not to love his wife and has just " given up and thrown in the towel." And what GOD would say to each of his daughter's.

 

Wonder how our husband's would feel if the Lord came down and sat in their easy chair and said,

 

 

Well, I decided you need to see me . I have been calling you, but you haven't been answering. So I thought I better come and talk to you in person.

 

And your poor wife has been calling me everyday . She says she can't sleep or eat and she has no energy and can't go on much longer feeling like this..

 

" You know ______ fill in your husband's name: I have decided you are just not worth my effort to love you anymore. It's just more than I can do. You are just so needy and always asking me for something and some of you aren't even talking to me anymore. You are never happy with what I give you. You constantly whine and complain when I ask you to do the slightest thing." I have other people who appreciate me and I just can't devote my life to meeting your needs. So I am leaving you. All I asked you to do was love your wife like I love you. How would you feel if I said to you, " Son I just don't want to work on our relationship anymore. I really don't want to hear from you.... So could you just leave me alone?

You're just to needy. I hear that is what many of you husbands are saying to your wives." Hmmm, this was not my plan for you son or my daughter.

 

I use to find it easy to love you. Well I loved you no matter what you did. And I always forgave you when you asked. I created your wife to be a forgiver too.

 

 

I asked each of you to take up a cross and take that walk that I did for you and die to yourself for your wife as I died for you. I asked you to love her as much as I do.

I remember my walk to the cross. It was not an easy walk. I remeber the pain. I even asked my Father if He could just call the whole thing off. But I knew if I was going to love you unconditionally and take away all your sins I really didn't have a choice, I just had to do it!!!! Jusdewit ....Hmmmmm Catchy name don't you think??

 

Yet, you say you can't do this to honor your wife and I by dying to yourself?

 

 

Now ( fill in husband's name ) how does that make you feel to hear that from me?....

You say you want me to forgive you? You say that makes you feel scared that I won't be in your life anymore? You're upset that I said I just don't know if I can be here for you and continue to love you unconditionally??

 

Hmm, that's how your wife told me you make her feel.....She tells me what I have said to you are the same things you are saying to her.

 

Perhaps I need to explain a few things to you son and see if we can't get things straightened out with all 3 of us. My daughter, you and I.

 

It seems you need to adjust your attitude and listen to your own heart. Becuase I hear your heart and it is telling me you want to love your wife.

You are just having some trouble getting past your selfishness, pride and ego and I believe you need to understand how your wife is feeling.

 

Let me begin by telling you......

 

I gave you one of my finest gifts when I gave you ) fill in wife's name ______) and you are so ungrateful and so unappreciative. You are spoiled and self centered.

 

I am disappointed in you because I gave you everything you needed to have a happy life and make your wife a happy wife. as the saying goes: Happy wife , Happy Life

( Where do you think Joel n Kathy got that phrase? )

 

Now I understand you have decided to ignore everything I taught you and decided you are smarter than I am and would rather do this your way???? Not your best decision son.

 

I gave DR. Phil a saying too,

" HOW'S THAT WORKING FOR YOU?"

 

UM , AN APPROPRIATE QUESTION, DON'T YOU THINK MY SON?

 

SO son I ask you, HOW IS YOUR WAY WORKING FOR YOU?

That badly huh? I hear trying your way the past week has made both you n ( fill in wife's name ) pretty miserable. And my daughter's Birthday is in 4 days. Son you best get busy getting things straightened out. Glad I came now so we can chat.

Your wife told me you had been planning something "special" she was so excited. I know you don't want to disappoint her. Do you?

 

Do you have that OHM I designed for you and your bride yet?

 

Did I hear you say ,"NO"... Hmm I was afraid that's what you said.

 

Your wife tells me she has been really hurting lately and quite sad. Oh, she also mentioned she has been crying herself to sleep when she can sleep. And what's this I hear that she is feeling sick all the time? She can't eat , she can't sleep, she doesn't feel well??? That really concerns me son.

Can't have my girls feeling this way!!!

 

Son what are you doing to my daughter??????

 

I asked her what the problem is and she just began to cry and said, "Pappa God, I can't even talk to my husband. He just won't hear my heart and I feel so scared all the time. She says she doesn't feel safe...?"

 

Then very slowly she began to tell me everything in her heart. We chatted for quite some time. In fact, she brought some other wives with her and they are all telling me much the same stories ..OH MY GOODNESS SON!!!!!

 

What in Heaven's name have you and the other husbands done to my daughters to make them so sad and unhappy?

 

Son what has made _wife name_____ so afraid to share her heart with you?

 

She tells me:

When I try to share my heart with him,

" He doesn't listen to my heart. He says hurtful things to me and no matter what I do for him , it is never enough Father. He doesn't spend time with me. It seems I can't do anything right. He yells and gets angry at the littlest thing I say. He doesn't appreciate me.

He hasn't kissed me or told me he loves me in a week. I miss his smiles and the twinkle in his eyes.

He says I am too needy. " I have so many other friends who I love and their husbands are telling them the same things.

 

We need your help Father.

 

Can you PLEASE explain to my husband and the others how I and the other wives feel Father? I don't know what to do. All we asked all our husbands to do was love us unconditionally

like you do. I asked him to kiss and hug me every day and to smile at me so I know he is thinking about me. The other wives need the same things too.

He tells me, " All our problems are your fault" IF you would just do things my way, " Well everything would be just great." A lot of husbands are saying this.

 

One day my hubby says he loves me and then sometimes just the next day, he tells me "Leave me alone" and disconnects from me ." Pappa God I am so tired and so frustrated. So are the other wives."

 

"Son I told her I understood and I would talk to you and the other husbands. You see your wife and the others need you husbands to listen and validate their feelings and this will help heal their hearts and when you heal your wives hearts your hearts will be healed too.

 

Your wife tells me she knows she has issues, but realizes she can't deal with her issues until you go first and heal her heart. I told her once you do that her issues will fade away. Any that don't , well we will deal with that if and when we need to... But Son if you do your part, I can guarantee you

_________ will be a happy healed loved wife. And you will find yourself a happy healed loved husband. ALL will be well........YOU WILL HAVE AN OHM...

 

Son, I need to explain some things to you . Might as well get comfortable

We are going to be here until you "GET IT".

 

Son,

You don't understand I gave your wife all the love you would ever need in your life as a man to bless you with.

But I decided since I created you to be much stronger than your wife I decided you should be the first one in the marriage to intiate all the things your wife needed so she could in return bless you. I taught her to "respond" to you.

 

So whatever you give__________( fill in wife's name ) , she can only give you what you give her and I taught her to multiply it many times ( I counted on you giving her much love and many blessings and wanted you to get all that back, that's just the way I made marriage to work. )

 

But unfortunately for you if you give her unhappiness and death that is what she will multiple and give back. It's my design , not hers.

 

It wasn't your wife's idea. So please quite trying to tell her she is controlling you. She is not. She just wants you to show her you love her so she feels safe, secure and loved. She also told me she would LOVE and she needs a bunch of hugs, smiles n kisses everyday. I hear you aren't doing to well with those. I thought you enjoyed kissing and hugging your wife?

I remember you use to enjoy all those things.. What happened son?

 

She tells me she could really use your help around the house too.

You are BIG N strong like I made you right son? Then I have every confidence in you that you can handle anything she needs you to do.

 

Doing those things should certainly bring a smile to your face and hers

 

She tells me you want her to be the stronger one and you will be glad to love her if she loves you first and prove she loves you....

Son, you have it all mixed up...

 

LISTEN CAREFULLY SON. You might want to take notes.

 

I know Joel and Kathy and a bunch of others I sent this message to have tried to explain this to you, but they are all telling me , you just don't think you believe them . So guess I am going to have to tell you myself....

 

I gave your wife_____ ( fill in wife name) a marriage manual in her heart and I designed it just for the two of you so she would know exactly what to do to help you become the great man of God I created you to be. I knew you could not do it alone and you would meet many challenges along the way. Where do you think the saying came from, " It is not good for man to be alone?" I wasn't just coming up with a catchy saying. I knew the majority of men would never survive on their own.

 

So I decided to create your wife, just for you. Well, I planned for you two to meet when you were concieved. That's how I came up with "soul mates". Not bad huh?

 

I taught her how to help you meet each challenge. I taught her how to bring out the best in you. I taught her how to know what you need and when. I taught her how to be the greatest helpmeet you could ever imagine. I even put in her a special way of knowing when something is wrong or bad for you and when you are in danger since I knew I also created men to be clueless. I'll explain my reason for that when we stand face to face one day... Just trust me on this one son!!

 

I created you differently so you could always have something to work on. I never wanted you to take your wife for granted. Your wife never takes you for granted. In fact, she actually thanks me everyday for you. Even when she is unhappy with you. She tells me she doesn't want to be right , she just wants to be rightly related to you!!!

 

I gave DR Phil another catchy saying, " Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Son, have you asked yourself this question lately? If not, I suggest that you do.

You may just find the answers to many of your problems.

 

I have been listening and it seems to me you want to be right much of the time. This is not helping your situation son.

 

I knew if I made your wife and you exactly the same there would never be anything you could learn from one another, so I decided to create you to be opposites. That is where my saying came from

" OPPOSITES ATTRACT".

 

Being different would help each of you to learn how to support and encourage the other in times of need. So you could always learn from one another and could support one another in everything. I didn't want your marriage to become boring. I gave her all the recipes she would need to "satisfy " you. She has all the ingredients she needs. I gave her a desire to bless you....

 

This is where the vows: Love , honor and cherish were born. I knew if you n your wife would do these 3 things that you would have what you need to meet every need and every challenge in your marriage.

 

I also thought I better warn you there would be good time and bad times and that the enemy might bring sickness to one of you, so I thought I better cover " in sickness and in health too". I didn't want there to be any doubt from the very beginning on your wedding day that marrying your wife was going to create challenges, but I also put in you my son the need to be challenged because that is how I designed you to grow into the GREAT man I created you to be

 

Remember the other saying,

" behind every good man there is a GREAT woman.... Well I created that saying too.

It is true, just look around at every good man you know... See I told you there is a GREAT woman behind each good man...

 

I do know what I am doing.

 

I created her heart to give you all the love you would ever need. I made her special just for you, there are none other like her. Each woman I creat is a masterpiece for her husband. A work of art that the husband must take a lifetime to study in order to find each "special " detail that I placed in her. The masterpiece has many many details. In you my son I placed a special gift of being able to see each of those details in a special way.

 

You must "study " each detail until you are able to see the entire masterpiece. Until you memorize every detail in your wife.

 

Oh, and you are constantly whining about all the time and energy it takes to make love to your wife. You never whined about this when you first got married. You couldn't wait to see her and ML to your wife and you LOVED it when you stayed up all night loving on each other.

 

You silly man , I did I made her a masterpiece so you could savor your wife and have time to take in her beauty and marvel at the "gifts" I placed inside her. She is full of surprises. She has many gifts within and it will take your life time to find and open each one. I did that so you would always have something to look forward to. As I said, she is a beautiful gift wrapped in gold with a beautiful ribbon with many keys tied on the ribbon by me, ABBA, her Father . Inside the box are many gifts. Inside each gift is everything you could ever need or want.

 

The slower you savor her and enjoy her the longer she will last. The key unlocks all the other "gifts" that are held within your wife. Each key is different and unlocks "each" gift awaiting you. Use the wrong key and that gift will not unlock. You must be careful because if you try to make the wrong key work it will break off in that lock and you will have destroyed that lock. It will take special repairs to restore that lock and it will take longer to get to that "next" special gift. So you must take your time and be very tender when using each key.

 

Do you remember how enjoyable it is too look forward to something and take the time to enjoy it? Like a wonderful dessert or your favorite food? That's why I created the saying, "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach." You men would never admit that your favorite food makes you weak in the knees. LOL

 

First, you look at the beauty of how ____ is constructed." Think of your wife son while reading this". Remember in my Word when I said , " He who finds a wife finds a good thing?" Well this is only a portion of what I was talking about.

 

In fact Don wasn't that one of the first things you told your bride when you fell in love with her? I believe it was even included in your wedding ceremony.

 

The next step to savoring.......

Then you allow your nose to s-l-o-w-l-y take in the wonderful smell of the food, you savor the smell of the it. ( Your wife has a wonderful smell that rises into your nasal passages.) Your mouth is watering just thinking about it. It takes your mind back to the last time you savored this wonderful treat. You think how it is going to taste and then you think how much you want to eat as much of this favorite food as your stomach will allow. This is the appetite I gave you husbands for your wives.

 

( Sorry if this is to anyone )

 

Do you just put a bite of your favorite treat in your mouth and quickly swallow? No, of course not. You take each bite and let it just lay in your mouth and savor each component of the treat. Son, do you "see" each beautful thing about your wife? Remember how much you couldn't wait till you got that wonderful treat again??? It should be the same with each gift within your wife.

 

Well my son I hope this has given you some things to think about. My conference line is ringing off the hook, it seems you are not the only husband who needs this little chat. Must be something in the air because I have quite a few wives calling me and telling me the things your wife told me......

 

The enemy is making his last stand trying to destroy marriages. He hears I am coming for all of you very soon. He thinks he is going to win, but that is why he is so nervous, he really knows he's going to be the "BIGGEST LOSER."

 

What's that,, Oh you enjoy my sense of humor. That's good because everything in me is in you. You see I made you in my image.

So you see I gave you my power on Earth the same as in Heaven. SO quite lying to yourself and telling yourself you can't do what I have asked you to do. What I KNOW YOU CAN DO!!!!

 

Get out there and apologize to your wife ( fill in name ) Tell her you love her and you want to begin again and this time you will keep every promise you make to her and YOU WILL STOP BEING SO SELFISH AND KIlL OFF THE "OLD" things you do that are hurting your wife.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS ((( HUBBY'S NAME )))

 

Just take my advice .. For a season makes this about your wife.Stop worrying about how you feel. Bring your feelings and complaints to me , not your wife ( fill in wife name )

Love her unconditionally like I do you. Forgive her as I forgive you. And you will get to that OHM!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Love her , Honor her, Cherish her. I PROMISE YOU SON IF YOU DO THESE THINGS , THERE ISN'T ANYTHING YOUR WIFE WON'T DO FOR YOU AND SHE WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDTIONALLY UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART.

 

STOP WANTING TO BE RIGHT AND JUST BE RIGHTLY RELATED TO HER. I promise you if you do all these things you will have an OHM BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. TRUST ME, I CREATED ALL THIS TO WORK THIS WAY AND IT WILL If you just do what we are all telling you to do......

 

Do you trust me Son???? I know you do. If you truly love me , You will do this for me and for your wife.....YOU ALL WILL.

 

I am here if you would like to chat again.... Next time don't wait so long to call.......I know how to multitask. unlike the rest of you men.. Sorry I didn't give you that gift , it is better suited to your wives ...

 

Till next time son ... Know I love you, Now please : GO LOVE YOUR WIFE.

 

BY the way I hear you think you are failure. That's just the enemy pulling his lies on you .

Don't believe him , he lies about everything..... .

 

People only fail when they give up and choose not to believe me.....

 

I hope this blesses both husbands and wives.

 

Love,

GOD YOUR FATHER

 

====================================================

The men who choose NOT to love their wives are giving us this message and DO NOT UNDERSTAND what they are doing .

 

Oh in many ways I think they understand they are "giving up", BUT I really do not think in the terms that I wrote above about God deciding to not to love them any longer. Don't you wish that we could get these guys all in a big room and have the Lord come talk to them???? Boy I would pay a bunch to see that one. But that's ok, God will have that talk with each of them one day................

AT least each of we wives will be able to look at the Lord and say in all honesty " Lord you know I did EVERYTHING I COULD TO BE A GOOD HELPMEET."

 

 

I hope this blesses both husbands and wives.

Feel free to copy n paste if you think it will speak to your hubby

 

Blessings

 

Joyce

 

of Joyce N Don

[Pure in Heart]

Fallen,

 

 

 

There ARE real answers to your marriage problems. Our stories our different but we understand the pain and frustrations of marriages that are so far beneath what God's heart is for this union and Covenant.

 

The basic principles, of marriage and its key is the husband. God calls a husband to go first in the marriage. The goal for you is to become Christ-like by,"laying your life down for your wife as Christ did for His Bride."

 

Right there, in black and white God in Ephesians 5 has given a husband his charge. You are called to this highest of callings and to recapture your FIRST ministry...your wife.

 

Most men gloss over these words and never ponder or take seriously God's command to them to walk in this agape love toward their wife. Men go through years and years of living in selfishness toward their wife and their wife dies inside because she has yet to experience this kind of agape love. A love in that passage of Scripture that tells her she is to be loved with a love willing to die for her, a love that nourishes and cherishes her.

 

This ministry, isn't your nice, Sunday sermon packaged in neat, softened edges..made palpable for the average husband to hear. No, this is a ministry that will dare and challenge you to step up and become the man and husband God has always called you to be. A man from your own words, has NOT been that man.

 

The absolute wonder of God is that His mercy will give you that chance. It is never too late with our God.

 

"You have a form of Godliness but lack the power therof"....The Holy spirit will fill you and give function to form....

 

Most men do not know how to love their wife. Perhaps in your heart of hearts you want to have a good marriage but do not know how to apply God's principles to everday life.

 

This challenge is not for the faint of heart. It is not for lesser men. As I said, the very goal of this ministry is Christ-likeness. That ONE THING, should be every man's heart cry anyway. God has so graciously given mankind a place to learn to walk in love. No longer are you searching here and there of HOW do I die to myself?, How do I decrease that Christ may increase? God had given the WIFE whom you can see to prove that you love the God whom you cannot see.

 

 

The central message is that you have failed as a husband. God holds YOU responsible for the pain and injury you have done to your Bride.

 

ONLY if you mean this with all of your heart...for your life and marriage hinges on it...say this prayer:

 

Father,

 

I have fallen short of the glory of God. I have not been a Christ-like man throughout all of my married life. I have not been the husband my wife has needed me to be. In this, I have dishonored her and Your marriage Covenant. In Your great mercy, Jesus forgive me and empower me to become the man of God I have longed for. Lord, today, I re-commit my life to win back the heart of my beautiful Bride. I re-commit my heart to laying my life down for my wife as You, Jesus did for me. Teach me to walk in humility and give me a teachable spirit. Lord, I repent and ask to have this chance to make right the wrong I have done to my wife. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

God's blessing and hope for your restored marriage,

 

Kimberly

[Pure in Heart]

[FallenKnight]