kelleymatton Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Hoping for sunshine, What a great idea! Good word!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelleymatton Posted August 11, 2009 Report Share Posted August 11, 2009 Hi Damsel! Happy Anniversary! I hope things are tolerable today and that you do enjoy yourselves and are able to celebrate the victories that have started to come. Our 29th anniversary was the 9th. We had 19 bad years but were able to celebrate 10 good ones!I hope it's ok to say this (Joel!) but you don't have to give 100% all of the time, meaning you don't have to completely trust that this is it, he will never fall again, and I can be completely happy knowing that. It's not true, he WILL make mistakes again but they will get less and less and less until they are miniscule and non-threatening and non-peace-stealing (is that a word?).So enjoy today as much as you are able but don't put unrealistic expectations on you or him. Go with the flow, easy-like but you don't need to have an all out celebration whoop-dee doo of your marriage when it hasn't been that much to celebrate over the years. It's starting to get better now and you have much hope for the future but take it easy for today and don't let the enemy tell you that it's hopeless or useless, etc. You just wait until next year, you won't believe it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelleymatton Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Hi Damsel! Wow, that's wonderful!! See, another day of healing, along with many more to come will EVENTUALLY almost entirely erase the memories of the wounded years. I am sooo happy you had such a nice anniversary!!!! Hallelujah! During this process, feel free to test the waters with your toe instead of diving in with all of your hopes and expectations on the line. (Mixed metaphor?) That way when things do take a dip you're not devastated. Encourage him, by all means when he does well. But you can hold back, in a sense, from having an all or nothing mentality. He WILL get it, it just takes time. It took a long time for him to learn and develop and master his bad habits, it will take some time to learn and develop and master the new habits! You're in my thoughts and prayers! Kelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelleymatton Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 Hi Damsel! That is awesome that your kids are noticing, then you know that it's real, change is happening. I feel like we have a lot in common, our kids are mostly grown up and your story sounds so much like mine. We had J&K minister to my daughter and her new husband so they are completely on board with their teachings and doing wonderful. My son just got married but hasn't read the book, still working on him. Waiting for the inevitable problems to pop up. Then I'm sure he'll be more open. I do kick myself too for not speaking up for myself all those years and setting a bad example of a marriage before my kids. And mostly because of the "Christian" teachings about marriage I was receiving! And of course a dysfunctional childhood. 2 strikes!! But God is sooo wonderful. He knows what we can take and only uses it for our good. I am sooo glad I did not get a divorce, which I might have had it not been for those teachings, but what a lot of extra years of pain! I was so relieved to learn that a happy ever after marriage WAS possible, even for me! I feel like I am finally myself, a real person allowed to be who I am. I am leaving on vacation tomorrow, just my mom, my 3 daughters and myself. (Doug keeps saying how much he is going to miss me.) So I don't know when I'll be able to get on, but in the meantime know that I am praying for you and cheering you on, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 21, 2009 Report Share Posted August 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Jane Bennett Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I don't know if there is a "normal," but you sound exactly like me. My husband still explains and argues and justifies, and it affects me the same way it does you. By the time he apologizes, I am so wounded again that the apology doesn't make me feel any better. They need to back up and learn to die to self and keep-mouth-shut. As Aunt Piddy said on my husband's string, "Keep-mouth-shut eliminates the need for lots of apologies!" I thought about writing a post about all the things I am thankful for, just to get something positive going in my mind and on my string! I do try to thank the Lord frequently for all His blessings, because my Melancholy nature is a real pain! And my husband's slow progress in this area is a double pain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Damsel wrote:Am I normal? My opinion is, Yes! I figure I'm normal, Miss Jane Bennett is normal, therefore YOU are normal! Kathy suggested to me that I make a chart, so to speak. One column for the good things he does and one for the bad. That's how I picture what she said. I've started making a little note every day in a day timer. I'm going to write the good things in blue, the bad in red. So far I only have blue notes. It's only been about 5 days, though. It's certainly a delicate balancing act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Jane Bennett Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Kathy's idea is a good one. I'm going to do it. (MaryJane, you are the positive side of normal! I have always admired that about you.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 (Why, thankyou Miss Jane!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damsel in distress Posted August 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 ...and if he's not going to give in to God's way, there's always THE DOOR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Jane Bennett Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelleymatton Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hi Damsel, How are things going? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenKnight Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Kathy asks women to keep journals of the positive. It is not like a wife's brain needs a journal to have the negative brought to the surface. When a wound get touched, that happens automatically and then, in a recovering marriage, a wife has to work through all of that. Sometimes it is not even something the husband is currently doing - so she just has to process and ask him for support... loved you "why don't you scoot over here and hug me." Great job. Stay out of that private section. Kind of like someone forgetting to flush the toilet. You don't want to see that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelleymatton Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Hi Damsel, So good to hear from you! Sounds like things have been up and down. I'm sorry. I want to encourage you with a couple of scriptures, 2Pet. 1:3 says, "For His divine power HAS bestowed upon us ALL things that we need for life and godliness" So, in Him, we have EVERYTHING we need. Yes, our lives will be happier with a nurturing, caring, loving, wonderful husband, but it's not the whole picture. And Eph. 1:3 says, " God HAS blessed us in Christ with EVERY spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm." Amazing! Even if our husbands aren't the perfect husbands that they should be, God still has our backs, still loves us tremendously. He wants us to have a happy marriage even more than we want it for ourselves. But He wants you to rest in Him, receive His love for you, and to trust in His goodness. Don't give up or settle, but don't lose your peace and joy in Christ either. Doug is being the epitome of a fantastic husband as we enjoy an OHM, BUT there are still times when he gets on my nerves! That is because we are human and still live on earth. I love him to pieces and feel like Cinderella MOST days but there are moments (even when he is being perfect!) that I find myself irritable, etc. My relationship with my daddy God brings me more happiness, fulfillment, peace, as it should. So, I know and feel your pain, I sympathize from hindsight, BUT it will all be worth it, He WILL change and in the MEANTIME, submerge yourself in God's love for you, His thoughts toward you, what He has done for you. A really fantastic book that changed my whole family's life is "Destined to Reign" by Joseph Prince. He makes clear the wonderful love of the Father and how precious we are to Him. I highly recommend it. YOU are the apple of God's eye, His precious treasure, the ONE He loves. Soak it in. Let me know if you are able to get the book....Kelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenKnight Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Damsel, I am really sorry that you saw that post. I can imagine how much that must have hurt to have peaked into the doubts and struggles I am battling with. I know it must have brought a dark cloud of doubt over you and certainly robbed you of your feeling safe moving forward with me. Hopefully, you will be able to understand what you read for what it is, my feelings of frustration and doubts as I struggle to work this program. I am not naive to think that we do not still have some great battles to be fought and won to get us to that outrageously happy marriage. So, in spite of what I feel I am here in the trenches trying to do the work it will take to get us there. Again, I am very sorry that you were subjected the expression of those doubts and frustrations. I do love you very much and willing to die for you (just trying to get my mouth and body to agree with my head and my heart). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenKnight Posted September 3, 2009 Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenKnight Posted September 3, 2009 Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 Oops, forgot I am still on Knight's computer while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. Damsel in Distress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.