The Dying process is so hard

[For Him For Her]

I have no misconceptions about this process. It MUST be a perment change for God, for my wife and children and for me. The night I first got down on my knees and told God- you win, I was totally commited to him and this process. I realized my ways of handling things did not work. They are what got me into this mess. I did and still do have some control issues.Not as an excuse but as a child, I was molested and sexually abused. Most of my entire life I had to control everything in my mind in order to protect myself. In reality, I should have allowed God to take control, as I doing now, and this would not have been an issue in my marriage. I still struggle with allowing others to be in control. Control was all I had for years. I do know that I am trying with all my might to let go. I am a million times better now due to this journey. I want this for God and my family more than for myself. I pray every night that God will teach me to listen and understand when he speaks to me. I know that my marriage and family can ONLY be restored through God and my relationship with him. The patience to get there is a weakness and the devil knows it. My end goal is to be Christ-like first, a great husband second, and a wonderful dad third.I am still ridding my "net" of the bad fish.

[quiverof4]

I do have a couple questions for the ladies on here. First were there or are there times you have to force yourself to put distance between you and your husbands? Maybe you are moving forward and it catches you by suprise.

 

Hi David. I am pretty new here and new to the process, but since you asked a question, I can answer from my perspective. I certainly can't answer for your wife.

My husband has been 100% living this new way for about a month. Emotional abuse of our son and pornography had torn up our family and marriage.

He is absolutely committed to winning my heart back. I was so closed off to him that I was thinking he had to leave by the end of the year. We were living as silent roomates anyway. The only reason I did not throw him out is because of the children.

We went to work, talked about the kids/house/bills..things like that, but other than that, we were strangers. We did not talk about man/wife things, God, our marriage. At one point, I told him to stop tellling me he loves me, I did not believe him. Stop saying I am beautiful, you are a liar.

Anyway, just a bit of background there.

In answer to your question about pulling away, even with my husband being 100% committed and having just a few very minor "slips" that have been fixed IMMEDIATELY with an aplogy....are there times I feel like I need to pull away from him? YES, YES, YES.

Yesterday, I had a terrible day FOR NO APPARENT REASON. My husband had done nothing to "trigger" it....I just felt like I was crazy for doing this. Letting him in again! What could I be thinking?

I am new enough here that I can't tell you what is "normal" but I have days when I feel very warm toward my husband, then all of a sudden, I FREAK OUT. I get caught up in "what if" What if I let him in my heart AGAIN and he hurts me? What if this is just a game that he is playing to get what he wants, then we go back to life as it has always been?

Some days, I just know that it's going to work out. God wants to heal us and we are going to be okay.

Then, days like yesterday I cry out to God. "I can't do this! I can't do this! It's too much! Don't ask this of me, PLEASE, I can't do it!"

I don't know if that helps and as I said I am very new to this and don't really have a lot of good answers, I can just tell you how one wife feels.

[Rebecca]

David,

 

A few questions. Does your wife have the book? Is she at all familiar with J&K's teachings? I don't remember whether you have mentioned this or not.

 

If not, then she is in the dark as to your efforts to win her heart back. Don't get caught up in trying to analyize her motives. Keep on keeping on with what you are doing which is dying to yourself and meeting her needs.

[For Him For Her]

Today was closing day on the "old" house. My beautiful wife called this morning and asked if she could use the computer if it was still here. I told her it was and she could do anything she wanted.

 

She called me back when she was on her way here and told me she had left late and would be late for the closing. She asked, if I thought that would be alright. I replied of course it will. We hung up and I immeadiately called the realtor to explain the situation. She said everything would be fine. My wife called back and was telling me what I could say to the realtor. I said, don't worry I already handled if for you. She said, great.

 

She arrived here and look at the progress of the move. She came upstairs and immeadiately began to bang away at the computer. I didn't say anything to her beacuse I knew she was stressed out.

 

When I got ready to leave, I kissed her on her sweet little head. I told her not to stress that I would take care of everything. She said, thank you. I made sure all the doors were locked, remember she scares easily, and I left.

 

She called to let me know she was on the way. I told her where the building was and how to get to the office we were in.

 

At the closing table, I was watching out for her. The buyers were doing most of the signing at this time. I seen her arrive and excused myself. I went down to the lobby to meet her to help her find her way. She asked if I saw her pull up. I said, yes I was watching for you. There was some down time and the realtor commented to my wife about how amazing it was that the house sold as fast as it did. My wife replied, I know no one believes me when I tell them. The realtor the said, well ya'll did everything I asked you to do. My wife's reply was no David did it all, he did such a great job didn't he? The realtor agreed. I think I blanked out for a micro second. That was such a sweet thing to say and to someone else.It made me incredibly happy.

 

We signed everything but our check was not ready. The lawyer said we could meet back after lunch and pick up the check then. So, my wife and I walked down to the Explorer. She asked what I was going to do, hang around here or get something to eat. I replied, what do you want to do. She said, I am kinda hungry. I said ok where do you wanna go. She said, let's go to the waffle House.

 

We arrived and sat down and talked and talked. She was using alot of we and us as we talked.She told my' I was so smart for finding this realtor group years ago and reusing them now. I said, remember you talked me into it this time. The realtor got us a thank you card and I let my wife open it. It had a Appleb'ys gift certificate in it. My wife said ,look and it's for 50 bucks. I replied, maybe we could go and use it sometime. She said, yeah. I told her just put it her purse. I asked her if her food was good. She replied, umm huh, in the David voice.

 

We finished lunch and she opened her purse. I said, I got it don't worry about it. She said, thank you.

 

We walked out to the Explorer and we prayed. She said amen. I kissed her hand. She sat in the car and I said, you can call me later. I am going to get the Explorer tonight and start loading up her thing to bring to the "new" house tomorrow. She said, you can come get it and you don't have to call. I replied, maybe I wanna talk to you some more. She gave me this silly look we do when say ,OK. It was precious. I kissed her hand again and she left.

 

She has called me twice more to talk logistics. She was excited on both calls. I really really enjoyed this. It is the first time her and I have done ANYTHING alone since this began. I know I can't make a big deal about it in the long term scheme but it made me so happy.I really believe it made her happy.

 

It seems I am begining to be able to tell when she is trying me as well. I never act anyway but positive. I think she is really starting to notice this. I am hoping that my prayers for her to stop being afraid are slowly working. I am ready to take on the venting for her healing. I have asked God to let her open up and let me have it. If we can get to that step, we will make it. Thank you everyone for reading my story and for all your wonderful comments.

[For Him For Her]

Rebbeca, she does have both books. I am not sure if she has read much. I do not want to pressure her on this. She does know I come to the forum but has not asked any questions about it. I am thinking if all goes well through the holidays, I can talk about it a little with her. Joel asked me last night if I thought she would be willing to talk to someone and I said I am not really sure. She doesn't like people in her business. That part is touchy. Thanks again

[For Him For Her]

I haven't posted in a few days. If this this gets too long, I will make 2 posts. Last Thursday and Friday, I took off from work to move.On Friday , I moved all the rest of my beautiful wife's things to the" new" house. I spent all day doing this. We talked on the phone a few times during the day. She was going out of town and I had to make sure I was done with the Explorer.

 

My wife previously ordered a trampoline for our oldest daughter. MY wife had the verification of delivery sent to our common email address. I had seen it was in on Thursday. I wanted to suprise her on Friday by getting it without her having to do anymore work. My dad and I worked it into our day.

 

She called me in between houses and asked how it was going, I said good. She said she was at the "new" house for lunch and had to start some clothes for the trip. I asked if she would like for me to throw them in the dryer on my return trip. She said that would be great. I unloaded the next load of her stuff and did the clothes and locked the door. I sent her a text message and she replied Thanks!. I could feel her in the response.

 

My wife called on her way home from work and asked if I wanted to have the Explorer all weekend. I responding by saying, yes I would but if you need it more, I will work around it. She told me it was ok to keep it.I had asked my wife to let me know when they left to go out of town and when they arrived at thier destination. I told her, you know how much I worry about you and the girls. She texted me both times and that was Friday.

 

I had one more load to go to the new house. I loaded it on Sunday morning and drove the Explorer over and got my car. I texted my wife to let her know the "old" house was done and for her to call me.She did. I explained to her that there was one more load and I would come Sunday night to unload. She said, that will be alright, I can do it. I asked are you sure? I still have to put the car girl's car seats back in. She was hesitant but said ok. I explained that I did not have to visit that I would unload say our prayer and leave. She agreed.

 

I was late arriving because I had my son and his mother did not meet us on time. This is and was a problem for my wife and I. My wife has always felt my ex-wife controlled "our" lives by manipulating my son to me. I always thought I was doing the right thing but now realize my wife is right. I called to tell her I would be late. She asked if I was still going to unload the Explorer. I replied , absolutely and appologized again for my going to be late.

 

I arrived at the "new" house and right off the bat my wife was all business.She helped unload. I told her I could do it all if she needed to do other things. She said, no I will help.

 

We unloaded and she asked me to help her take a table downstairs and to fix the Angel on the Christmas tree. I did both and we talked a bit while doing so. When it was time to leave we talked some more and she gave me the Christmas gift our oldest daughter made for me at school. I told her thank you She told me thank you for moving all the stuff this weekend. I said, you are welcome. We prayed. She said her amen. I kissed her hand and she said, THank you again so much for doing that. I responded you are most welcome. I asked her to let me kiss her hand again and she put it up to my mouth and I kissed it. Then I left.

 

My wife called me on Monday and asked if I had been to walmart. I replied, no but was going today. She told me a specific toy she wanted us to get for our youngest daughter. I told her I would call from the store.

 

I got to Walmart and the toy was not there. I had seen one I thought would be as good and told her so on the phone. She said, no I want that toy. I replied, I will get on the internet tonight and find one. Toys r us had the toy she wanted. I texted to her that I found on and would have it the next day.

 

During work, I drove to Toys R Us and I looked and looked to find this toy.Finally I found the very last one. The box was torn and called my wife to confirm if she wanted it with a torn box. She said yes if it is the last one. It was so I bought it. Cont....

[For Him For Her]

Last night, I went to see my beautiful wife and precious daughters. My wife had some errands to run while I stayed with our girls. I read to our youngest daughter and our oldest watched Max and Ruby. Our youngest has really been loving on daddy. She was stand offish when they first moved into the "new" house. She is warming up to me again. I put her to bed and then watched little bear with our oldest.

 

My wife returned and she came and sat down in the floor with us. We started talking and our oldest crawled on top of my wife. She kept talking but I couldn't understand her. I got down near her face to listen. The light was hitting her perfectly. She was sooo beautiful. I wanted so badly to kiss her on the lips but I resisted.

 

We talked so more and then I put our oldest to bed. I came out of her room and did not see my wife. I went to my car and got all the toys i bought for our youngest. I showed my wife the specific toy she wanted. She lit up and said, THAT"S IT. Thank you so much for doing that. I replied you are welcome.She asked what she was suppose to do with the toys now, hide them. I said, yes put them down stairs. She said, have at it then buddy.We both laughed. I put the toys downstairs.

 

When I came back up she asked did I want one of the Christmas cards she had sent out. I replied, yes but I want you to sign it from each of you. She did and it said love,thier names. I am sure my face split when I seen that> My wife has not used the "L" word since the 1st of October. I will look at this card everyday until this is over. She then told me a story about her brother and his wife. She said, I am about to bust I have to tell somebody. She picked me to tell. Again, I felt special. We said our paryer. She said her amen and I kissed her hands. She came outside and I said if you don't go back in, I'm gonna have ti kiss your hands again. She said, we already did that . She said it like the first time you kiss someone and am feeling bashful about it. I told her bye.

 

I am still texting her goodnight and she always replies when she is going to bed. It is slow but oh so great at this time. I am more in love with her now than I have ever been. I have another question or two. When you ladies knew the process was working did you relay this to you husband or did you wait until you were 100% sure his changes were forever? and Did you always know if you wanted him to win your heart back and knew exactly what you wanted him to do in order to accomplish this?

[quiverof4]

I have another question or two. When you ladies knew the process was working did you relay this to you husband or did you wait until you were 100% sure his changes were forever? and Did you always know if you wanted him to win your heart back and knew exactly what you wanted him to do in order to accomplish this?

 

David,

Again, we are new to this, my husband has been doing this for a MONTH. I am not sure when I will be convinced that the changes are forever. Still some of that hot and cold.

In the beginning, I DID NOT want him to win my heart back at all. I wanted him to go away.

Now that the process is moving forward, God has shown me some things to ask my husband for, as the healing comes.

I think Rebecca said to not get too caught up in figuring out what she is thinking, just keep moving forward! It sounds like you are doing great, but I fear if you analyze too much what she may be thinking.....let me just put it this way, I fear you could become discouraged because of the hot and cold. Sometimes my feelings could change from MINUTE TO MINUTE. I could hug him and feel very loving and then very quickly feel like hurting him! So, overanalyzing what she is thinking? Half the time..SHE probably doesn't know WHAT she is thinking! I know I didn't. This is very confusing for women. I think we want to believe, but then we fear, then we have hope, then we get mad, then we get sad, then we want you hurt you, then we want to hug you, then we hate you....get the picture?

[For Him For Her]

Last night, I went to see my beautiful wife and precious daughters. My wife had called earlier in the day to make sure I was coming. She said she was going to eat pizza with her mother.

 

I arrived and our youngest daughter was sick and very very edgy.I told my wife how pretty she was and she replied thanks. My wife and I dressed her for bed. My wife put her to bed as her mother arrived.She left in a hurry and a bit frazzled. She called about 5 minutes later and I told her all was well and to enjoy herself.

 

Our oldest daughter and I watched little bear and there were some hugs and kisses along the way. I put her to bed after we said our bedtime prayer.

 

My wife called to inform me she was on her way back and to get a status report. All is quiet, I reported.She arrived a few minutes later. She changed into her tootle around the house clothes as she calls them.

 

She came in the play room and we discussed some logistics.The previews for the movie P.S. I Love You came on. She said, I can't wait to see that movie. I told her it did look good and it was one of the few chick movies I WANTED to see. I would love to go with her to see it but knew better than to ask. I told her I needed to go so that she could do the things she needed to do before bedtime.

 

In the kitchen we began talking again about some things. I heard her stomach growl. I looked at her and asked what that was. She said, it's my stomach. I said, so it is finally full and it is making a sound of relief. She said, yes and we both laughed. She then said to me, I am going to try and work on having you something to eat when you come over. I know it is hard on you being here this late.I was in total disbelief but very excited. She actually was not only thinking about me but feeling for me. I have not stopped smiling since that moment.

 

We said our prayer. She said her amen.I kissed her little hands. Everytime I would turn to the door, she would think of something else she wanted to talk about. This lasted for 10 minutes at least. Finally I said if we don't stop, I'll talk to you until midnight. She said, it is late you should go. I told her bye and she replied back.

 

I have been happy ALL day. I have smiled more today than any other day since this began.The dam is begining to show cracks, small cracks but cracks none the less. I must continue to stay the course. God is showing me how to listen to Him and my wife's heart. I must practice hard on my swimming for when the dam burst, I MUST be ready to be underwater for quite some time.The swim to the surface is when her healing will begin.At the surface is when we will be OHM.

[For Him For Her]

I went to see my beautiful wife and precious daughters yesterday. I had to put the trampoline together for Christmas.

 

I arrived and said hello to everyone and was going to head straight out to start because I knew daylight would be in short supply. My wife started talking to me and we talked about several things. She then ask me to come to the bedroom. She wanted to show where to place the trampoline. You could see the spot from the master bathroom best. She sat down in the bedroom floor with the girls. I kissed both girls and then kissed my wife on top of her head and went outside.

 

After a few minutes my wife came to the basement to do some laundry. I was inside taking out the contents of the trampoline box. She said , look, I got my manicure done, got an American nail job and my toes done, aren't they pretty. She walked over to offer her hands so I could see them. I said I did noticed your toes and yes they and your nails are pretty. The last gift I had given my wife before she asked me to stop was a manicure gift certificate. I think she wanted me to know that she did use it and in a way was thanking me.

 

I spend the next couple of hours putting the trampoline together.She came down once and said, it is the perfect size isn't it, in the cute little excited voice she only uses around me.After I finished, I went to the play room.My wife came in and sat down beside me.se sat down and her leg was touching mine and she never made any effort stop it. She talked about her nails again and explained how she had never heard of an American manicure but overheard a lady getting hers done and decided to try it. Again she offered her hands to me.

 

We dressed our youngest daughter for bed and I kissed her goodnight. I then dressed our oldest daughter.When she came back, I told her I was gonna go because I wasn't feeling well. She sat in the chair for our prayer. Our oldest daughter then wanted to hold our hands and pray. My wife let out a laugh and a huge smile. I prayed and my wife said her amen. She said afterwards, you can't say demons around her( our daughter) or say anything about the family secret, it is TOP secret and my mom doesn't even know yet. I responded by saying, I am sorry and I have held the secret all to myself. I kissed my wifes hands and kissed our daughter. I then rubbed my wife's leg and said goodbye. She replied back.

 

As I was about to walk out, I said to my wife, I am glad I got to see you today. She yelled back, me too. I said bye once more and she replied once more. I then left.

 

Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I was at the "new" house. It was time for me to leave. I prayed and she said her amen. I told my wife, I love you before I had realized I had said it. She replied , I love you. I was flabbergasted. I looked to make sure she was ok with it and she had the biggest smile on her face and the dream ended. It felt sooo real. I surely hope that was God giving me a look into the future.

 

I want to thank everyone who has been following my story.All of your input has had a tremendous effect on my life. I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas. God Bless us all.

[Kay]

Hi David,

 

I've been following your post since the beginning, and I know that Joel and kathy told you not to rush things, and also that your wife mentioned that she didn't want you to get the wrong idea, and I'm sure that the last thing you want to do, is to scare her off, but.........

 

I keep thinking about that dream. As a woman who has been hurt very badly, I think that maybe, just maybe, she is waiting....... for you to say that. I hope I'm not wrong, but maybe you can sort of try to figure out a way to get her to understand ???? or maybe she already does.

 

I'm going to tell you something, that may give you some more hope.....

When Rick and I went to the Intensive, we were separated. I suspected that he had had an affair, after 24 years of marriage. I was totally devistated, and as others at the Intensive had said, I looked like death had rolled over me. I was hurt beyond recognition...... and told him straight out, not to touch me, not to go near me, etc...... but, secretely, I wanted him to take me in his arms and make all that pain disappear. I needed it so bad. He did NOT take that chance, out of fear of rejection, and because of what I said to him. That hurt me more.

Maybe, Christmas is the time, to take a tiny chance.

 

just wanted to share this. My prayers are with you. Your wife is a very lucky woman. You are an inspiration to so many others.

 

Merry Christmas and may God be with you,

Kay

[For Him For Her]

On Christmas morning, I got to see my wife and precious daughters. I arrived at my scheduled time. My wife had already called with excitement in her voice. I told her I would be there in 5 minutes. She told me the door was unlocked and to come to her bedroom.

 

My wife and girls were in the bedroom waiting for me. My wife had called her mother and step father and they were on the way as well. My wife and I started reving up our oldest daughter about Santa. My wife asked me to move the trampoline in place while we waited on her parents.

 

They arrived and off to see what Santa had left. Our youngest daughter dove right in. Our oldest surveyed the situation before she reacted. My wife sat down in the floor and showed both girls all the stuff one by one. Then my wife asked our oldest if Santa left anything for her outside. Our daughter looked and yelled " A Trampoline. Santa left me a trampoline."

 

My wife and I took our oldest outside while her parents watched the youngest. The oldest jumped and jumped and laughed and laughed. My wife and I laughed. My wife looked at me and said, it is the perfect size isn't it. I replied, yes it is, we did good. Our daughter made us stand next to each other to watch her jump. She wanted us close together,(amazing the perception of 3 year olds). My wife took pictures and back inside we went.

 

My wife's parents left and my wife asked if I was thirsty and if I wanted something to drink. I said, yes I would thank you. She brought me a coke. We played with our daughters for a few minutes.

 

I went to the car and got her present from the girls. I got her EXACTLY what she asked for. I didn't get her a gift from me because she had implied earlier that her gift certificate from the girls is all she wanted. I did buy her a Christmas card though. On Christmas eve, I wanted to get her a card. At the drug store all I could find was romantic cards to a wife. I asked God to help me find an appropriate card. The next card I picked up was it. It was glittery, she loves glitter and it said something perfect for this situation. It read,Thinking of all the things that make you so special on Christmas, Merry Christmas. I signed it, Love David.

 

She open the bag and said, yes just what I wanted thank you. I said, you are welcome. Then I got nervous. It was card time. She opened and read it. Her reply was, that is a really sweet card, thank you.She paused for a second or two as if she was thinking deeply about the card and what it was saying. I replied , you are welcome. She said, I need to put this up before I lose it.She didn't put the card back in the envelope but she carried to her room. I was so full of happiness that the card touched her. He does great things when we ask.

 

She dressed for her Father's get together. She showed me what she got her mom for a present. We talked about her brother and few other small things. Then I helped her load the girls into the Explorer.

 

She got into the car and we held hands and I prayed for us. She told me thank you so much for coming today and with all your help getting ready for this and for me to have a great day. I told her she was welcome and that I loved her and for her to have a great day.

 

Today my wife called and asked if I was coming tomorrow. I said that I was. She said she wanted to eat dinner with her brother and she could get a sitter instead. I told her, no I will be there, it gives me another opportunity to see you. I told her thank you so much for yesterday and how it totally made my day. I told her it was so good spending Christmas with her and the girls. She replied, it was really great wasn't it, I am glad the girls got to spend time with you on Christmas.She told me that she shouldn't be too long tomorrow night and that she would have something there for me to eat. I said, perfect.

 

I trully believe she enjoyed me being there for her yesterday as well.Her actions and words do not match. Sounds alot like I use to be except I said good but did bad.Another lesson God is teaching me about how I treated her. He is still giving me opportunites to help her and be a blessing. I want to do all that I can for him and her. I hope these opportunities never stop. I am still praying that I hear him and his guidance. I also pray when her heart speaks to me, please let me understand and do the right thing. Doing the right thing reguardless of the outcome is what will lead me to becoming a REAL man.

[For Him For Her]

Thursday Night, I went to see my beautiful wife and precious daughters.When I arrived, my wife answered the door wearing only a towel, She said hey. We just got out of the shower. She was so beautiful. My heart skipped several beats.

 

I went to the play room where the girls were. My wife said. I'll be right back.I kissed the girls and sat down with our youngest. My wife returned with their pajamas and she was wearing only a night gown. Inside my head I was screaming,WHY WHY WHY did I have to be such a STUPID STUPID man. She said she needed to blowdry her hair.I said go ahead I got it here. She was going to eat with her brother and sister in-law. I dressed the girls for bed and read to them. Our youngest was getting very restless, so I put her to bed.

 

My wife came out dressed for her outing and I commented how pretty she was. She said, Thank you.We talked for a minute and she gave me some instruction for the evening.Her brother arrived and she left. Our oldest and I watched Litttle Bear until her bedtime.I prayed with our oldest and put her to bed.

 

When I came back, I started cleaning up the playroom, the dining room, and the kitchen. I went around the house looking for bottles and sippy cups for the washer. I walked into my wife's room and it was perfectly clean. The only thing out was the gift card the girls gave her for Christmas and the card I had given her. The card was in the envelope but still out. It made we so incredibly happy. I almost lost track of what I was doing. I finished cleaning up and getting the dishes in the washer. I brought her trash cans from the top of the driveway and I put away the trash from the house.

 

My wife arived about an hour and a half later. She walked in with her brother and our sister in-law. I greeted them with a big smile. We talked for about 10 minutes.It was the first time we had talked since this has started. I could tell my wife was weired out but still presented myself well.

 

They left and my wife was still acting a little weird. I could tell she was anxious for me to go. I told her all went well and I was glad she had a great time.She said it was so nice not having to worry about anything and knowing the girls were in good hands. She reached for my hands and I prayed. She said her amen and I kissed her hands. I told her bye and to have a great night.

 

Five minutes into my drive my phone rings. It is my wife. She said thank you for watching the girls, getting my trash cans,taking out the trash, cleaning up the kitchen, and washing the dishes.I told her she was very welcome and how I always wanted to do things to help her.She said, thank you again. I asked her if she was ok. She said yes why? I said, you seemed weired out.

 

She replied that her brother had wanted to come in and see me. She thought I would be weirded out because of the circumstances so that was weirding her out. I explained how I was fine and that this change I am making is making me able to handle things in spite of the circumstances.

 

She stated that at dinner she was telling her brother about how much weight I had lost and he wouldn't believe it. I was pretty heavy for my body type since he has known me.She said you would have to see it to believe it. She told me after I had left they talked on the phone and he told her I was an insperation to him. We talked a minute or two longer and I told her I wanted her to have the best night. I texted Goodnight to her when I arrived home and she replied.

 

She is definately becoming more comfortable around me. The towel and the nightgown drove me crazy. She knows how awesome I think she looks in that attire and the card. I was expecting it to be put in a drawer somewhere to die. She was talking about me at dinner with her brother. Hope is a crazy thing. It drives you to do and be more and the whole time it is scarring the crap out of me.

[For Him For Her]

Yesterday morning, my wife calls me on the phone. She told me they were leaving to go out of town at 6:30 pm and she would text me when they arrived. I replied to her, Ok but call me with some updates while you are gone. I will miss you. She paused for a second and said ok. We talked for about a minute more and she said, I'll text you when we leave here and when we get there. I said that will be great and have a wonderful day.

 

She texted me as promised when they left but when they arrived she called me on the phone. I was pleasantly suprised. It was only small talk but still so wonderful. I told her to have alot of fun and goodnight.

 

I am hoping the, I'll miss you, touched something inside her. That was not my intentions when I said it. It just came out.

 

I dreamt about my wife all night last night. The best dream I was here and I heard on the radio that people were reporting seeing Jesus in the sky. I looked up into the clouds and there he was. I said, OH MY GOD its really is him. I hollered to my wife., Look it is time. He is here to get us. Come over here he is here to get us.

 

What an amazing dream, the best day of anyones life and my first reaction was to make sure my wife was with me for it. Another message from God giving me hope.

 

Hold On Pray Everyday---- HOPE

[michelle]

What is all the praying with her about? Did you do that before? I hope it's not another form of manipulation, so she can "hear" how sincere you are. The whole "making the family whole again" bit, were you talking to her or God? Sorry to sound so skeptical, but I've lived with your type for 15 long years, maybe your prayers should be between you and God until there has been alot more healing for both of you. I know that when I hear my husband pray and there are still so many unmet needs(mine), It means nothing to me but more manipulation. Actions DO!!! speak louder than words. The words do help when they're sincere, but we can tell when they are not, so don't fool yourself, if you are truly sincere then you don't need to prove it with your "prayers" it will show on it's own. You won't fool God either, He already knows what is real and what isn't.

[HumblePie]

Hi David,

 

Your wife will tell you if she feels your prayers are bothering her. Until then, Keep praying with her.

 

In Christ,

Nate

[For Him For Her]

Thank you Nate !

[Rebecca]

Hi Michelle,

 

It sounds like you are posting out of your hurt with your current marriage situation, which is understandable.

 

David is doing what his wife wants, she wants and desires the prayers. He is listening to and meeting her needs as he is able. We are all very pleased with how David is showing agape love toward his wife, and we are all excitedly anticipating the day he and his wife have a restored marriage.

[michelle]

I am sorry for sounding so harsh, and yes you are right about the current situation. I have had such a hard time believing that any man is believable, but I also know that God is bigger than anything. I am sorry for lashing out at you, David, I know that your wife is probably bursting with pride(but scared to let you know yet) every time you pray with her. I don't know any woman that wouldn't, it is a most precious and intimate thing. Please don't rush things, healing takes time, that is part of the pain(waiting). Your wife has waited for "x" amount of time for you to "get it", so please be patient with her during this time. It has become obvious to me from reading your posts, that she wants to be with you, but she has to make sure it's(the change) real. She will come around in time and then you will both know it's real.

[For Him For Her]

Michelle, I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now. I will say a special little prayer for you. Thank you for the encouragement. The changes that are evolving in me are real and forever. That is not to say that I won't make mistakes. Yesterday after I read your post, I began to panic . I was having the thought that I had to tell God that He was most important and that it was for him I am doing all this. I prayed immeadiately. I told God I want my wife back with all my heart but I can NOT ever live a moment without him. So Michelle, I also thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell God how much I love him and how much I need him. I felt so afraid before my prayer and so much closer afterwards. Thank you so much and God Bless you.

[MamaDawn]

David,

 

The fact that you used her post as a way to draw closer to God is just AWESOME!!!! Praise God!!! And it's wonderful that you have let Him make that change in you. You show a humble spirit that is so rare!!! God is going to able to use you in AMAZING ways!

[michelle]

David,

 

I agree with MamaDawn. If the changes weren't real you would have become defensive, instead you went straight to God to show you. PTL! I am so thankful, it gives me hope! Keep prayin! Thank you also for your reply, it's nice to know that there are real live people actually listening without judgement, and with understanding.

 

trying to be hopeful,

Michelle

[For Him For Her]

Tonight, I went to see my beautiful wife and precious daughters. Today at lunchtime, my wife called. She asked what I was doing. Hasn't asked that question in a long time. I told her, I was coming back from picking up some lunch. She asked me about the new"our" new insurance cards. I told her the situation and how I rectified it the day I received them. When asituation now arise, I do not ask her to handle them . I handle them and immeadiately. I am proactive in all things that I have the opportunity

to do.

 

Tonight, I arrived. I told my wife hello and asked her how she was doing. I kissed our youngest daughter and went looking for our oldest. She seen me and came running. She asked me to hold her. I picked her up and hugged her tightly and gave her a big kiss. This past weekend, she had told her mom that Daddy and Paw Paw were lost and she could not find them. She misses us so bad. It was then time to give the girls a bath.

 

My wife ran the water and took care of our youngest. Our oldest asked me to carry her to the tub. I took off her clothes and put her in the tub. After about 3 minutes, our oldest strated whinning. She needed to go to potty( 2 ). She is still fighhting the potty training. I washed our youngest daughter while my wife sat with the oldest. The youngest was ready to get out. My wife took her while I sat with our oldest.

 

After about 20 minutes of her sitting on the potty and me sweetly asking her to let it out, she was ready to get down. My wife walked back in and said to scrap the bath for her. My wife brought the youngest in for a night night kiss. I then took our oldest to the play room and dressed her for bed.We then watched Max and Ruby.

 

My wife and I talked pretty steady. I had to start most of the conversation but I could tell it was because she was so tired. Our youngest got up at 4:30 am. I asked her about her first day back to work and she shared. I then shared to her about my work. I haven't done it since this has started. I have always wanted the conversation to be all about her and because I was afraid she would not care. Tonight I felt compeled to get passed this. I need to share these things regaurdless of her outward response.

 

As we were talking about various things, I just couldn't believe how beautiful she was. She was smiling and her eyes were gleaming and her lips were glistening.I could feel myself reaching up to her and giving her the most tender kiss a man could give his wife. I could feel it as if it were happening. Of course, I never left my place in the floor.

 

It was time for our oldest daughter to go to bed. She was upset. My wife asked if she wanted Mommy or Daddy to put her to bed. She said Mommy and Daddy. As we were walking to her room, she said she wanted Daddy to sleep with her. My wife said, no Daddy can't sleep with you. Then our daughter said something that blew my mind and I know her mother didn't pick up on it. Our daughter said, no Daddy sleep with you.My wife thought she said I want to sleep with you. Our daughter repeated it. My wife missed it again. Our daughter wants us to be together. She knows something isn't right and she is only 3 years old.

 

My wife and I put our daughter to bed and we said her prayer with her. I went to the playroom and turned off the tv and the light. I grabbed my shirt and walked to the kitchen. I knew how tired my wife was and I wanted her not have to entertain me. We talked for a minute or two and then we said our prayer. She said her amen. I kissed her hands. She actually started to raise them up to me until she realized what she was doing. She likes me kissing her hands but usually I have to make the effort. She asked me to take the trash out for her. I told her bye and to have a great night.

 

On my way home my wife called. I was suprised. She asked if my youngest son got the Christmas card she sent him. I told her that he did and how much he loved it.I then told her that I really enjoyed getting to see her tonight and I hoped she got alot of good rest tonight.She said, you too and we said bye.

 

Tonight there was no tension. We talked like normal. She shared. At times it felt like we were a family. She was interested in me. She called me, I think because she wanted to talk, even if for a brief moment after I left. Overall another wonderful night. I feel as if the planting of good seeds is becoming somewhat of an easier task. I also have been dreaming about my beautiful wife every night for the last two weeks. I can not remember them but have not woken up stressed or axious. I am hoping this is God giving me hope and instruction in my subconscience. Thank you everyone again for following my story. God Bless

[For Him For Her]

I am sorry I haven't written in a few days but I have been doing some soul searching. I have been struggling with two things.

 

The first is my defensiveness. Over the last two weeks, I have been in several situations that tested my resolve. I have been arguing with people at work and on the phone over stupid stuff. I can feel some of the "bad" man still inside me. I don't like it. I hate it. I have been trying to figure out why this is happening now. I have been dying to myself and working hard daily to be a better man. Like always, the answer hit me right between the eyes.If I get this defensive with people who do not matter, what will happen when my beautiful wife is ready to vent.

 

The answer is mess up big time. Over the last 3 or 4 days, I have worked harder than ever to not allow that man to rule me. I have to kill him. I have to learn to stand tall in ALL situations. I have to think of what Jesus would do. I have to remember my wife and my children are depending on this. God is giving me the opportunity to fix this before my wife is ready. The last few situations , I have handled much better. I have some more work to do.

 

My other struggle is my need for reassurance. I have realized that my entire life that I have lived for it. Before my wife came into my life, I would surround myself with only people and situations that delivered to my need. It became almost like a disease. It caused my whole life to be self destructive. I had thought I was over it. As far as anyone else I could care less but with my wife, it has mattered greatly. In most things with her,I have been ok. It is the last few things that I have been struggling with.

 

I am making strides and I know God is leading me completely. I watched Joyce Meyer the other day.She said that we need to ask God to help us fix the things in us that he wants us to fix. I prayed that prayer that night and every night since. This is exactly when my struggle began. It totally has every thing to do with winning my wifes heart back. This journey is hard. This journey is long. This journey will take me to and through things that I would never have or could have experienced otherwise. This journey is my calling. My job is to be completely ready to answer when the phone starts to ring.

[For Him For Her]

Two weeks ago today my beautiful wife calls to tell me a story about our youngest daughter,(LL). It was funny and we laughed for over a minute.It felt great to hear her laugh. I didn't hear from her again until Monday late. The whole weekend she was avoiding me.

 

She called on Monday and was acting strange. I asked what was wrong and how everyone was doing and that I didn't get to hear from anyone over the weekend. She replied, (E) our oldest daughter was upset all weekend asking where her Daddy was. She would tell her mother that her Daddy was lost and she could not find him. MY wife said E cried and pitched fits the whole weekend. It was breaking my heart to hear this. I told my wife that I was so sorry she had to go through that all weekend. She said, I don't know what to do about this. I suggested she have E tell me goodnight over the phone before bedtime each night. She said she didn't know and would think about it.

 

The following day Joel put up the message about the men's conference calls. I signed up immeadiately. I called and Joel and I talked for about 20 minutes. He told me my wife was under tremendous stress because of this situation and I needed to be real careful how I handled it. He suggested an email asking to come over more during the week. In the email I needed to state that my wife could use this as (her) time and that she could stay or leave or whatever made her feel comfortable. He suggested that I print it out also and give it to her as I was leaving that night. I did so.

 

She called the next day and said maybe I could start coming over on Wednesdays as well.I said that will be great.I could tell she was still stressed but had to do something.I treated it like any other conversation.

 

E came and stayed with me last weekend. It was her first time here since I moved from the old house. She asked to go to my house. I told her that Paw Paw's house was my house. She looked at me with her sad eyes and said, you promised to take me to your house, the old house, I want to go to the old house. It broke my heart. I could feel what she was feeling. I knew what she was asking me. She wanted all of us to be back at (her) house. It is still hard to play that over in my mind. My actions with my wife has brought this pain to our daughter. I felt about 2 inches tall.

 

I took E back to the (new) house Sunday morning. She had been sick the night before. She gets the croup due to her asthma. My beautiful wife and I were talking about things in the kitchen. She got real close to me and leaned against the fridge. She was talking to me and did the tilt the head looking deep into my eyes. I wanted so bad to grab her and kiss her whole face. I resisted. I felt so warm towards her.

 

WE talked alot more and was sharing our weekend stories. She had changed clothes and came back to the dining room. I had to kiss her head. I asked her to come here and I wanted to kiss her head. She stepped back and asked, Why. I knew I screwed up. I said, it is ok, I don't have to. She then did something in the back of the house. She came back to the play room and I acted like it never happened. WE began talking like we did before for about 30 minutes.

 

I helped my wife load the girls into the Explorer. They were going to go eat breakfast with her parents. She sat in the car and she held out her hands and we prayed.She said her amen. I told her that I hoped she had a wonderful day.She said, you too.

 

I figured after I almost blew it she would be cold for a few days but I was wrong. She called me about an hour later and told me about their time at The Waffle house.She went from warm to cold back to warm in a matter of a couple of hours. I think this was a big deal. I am not sure she realized it but I am trying to tune in at ALL times. I want this to be about her not me. I do feel like it was a growing moment for me. I only thought about her feelings once I realized what I had done. Before, I would have pouted like a little child. God is giving me tiny opportunities and I am learning. I will update this past week tomorrow. I do not want to bore you all to death all at once.LOL. Thank you again for following (our) story.