ChooseLove

Last night I told my wife my brother-in-law he was still uncomfortable about having her come to my nephew's 3rd birthday this coming Saturday 2/22. My sister and I discussed this last week (Wednesday 2/12) and I was hopeful the situation would change in speaking with him. Well I had not talked with him about this and the time was fast approaching I felt I needed to disclose that to her. Well that left her hurt obviously and brought up other wounds. She basically did not want to have anything to do with me the rest of the night (we were already getting ready for bed at the time). This morning I was still able to show her love with some touch, including hug and light kisses. I am out of town for the night and will be back home tomorrow. I texted her that I was thinking of her this morning (1045) and that threw her off as I mentioned getting her and the kids lunch as there was an opening in my schedule (after 1200) before heading out of town. Her response to me was:I really wish you had let me know a lot sooner. I can't possibly can't possibly answer now. I have to deal with the kids.Stop emailing me, stop tagging me, stop asking me about anything else for 24 hours!​My response - OK honey. You got it. She is obviously on edge and I am working to take it as a man and not shut-down as I have in the past. I have e-mailed her a couple things and did post to facebook a couple of items as well yesterday and today. She is feeling overwhelmed and I feel like I am just adding to it. I welcome any insights to this particular set of circumstances. I will be on the Men's call tonight to discuss for sure!

Wow thanks for sharing. My wife is on FB and twitter quite a bit. I will be sure to share more information I find.

Thanks for sharing Kathy. I really appreciated reading this. I believe we are seeing restoration in our marriage as I take steps to be more Christlike. I encourage others to support this great ministry. One of the ways my wife and I are is buying cases of Joel and Kathy's first book. We have handed out nearly all 19 and I just ordered another case today. As I share with other friends I see so many other hurting couples under attack. Men, let's really get engaged with what is going on with our wives and family. It is time like no other to die to self and becoming more Christlike. Allow your wive to respond warmly and positively as you initiate, pursue, cherish, and adore her. I readily put into practice what I have learned here in the forums and the books and my marriage is in the process of being restored. Joel and Kathy speak truth. I pray for them and all those volunteers who man the forum and calls, both couples and men's. THIS is the time, don't wait any longer - start working on having your own outrageously happy marriage today!

Great stuff. Thanks for sharing, particularly for the men working to win their wives hearts back.

Thanks for sharing this. Great ideas in the thread.

Keep fighting the good fight. I was like you in that my emotions dictated my actions for a long time, staying hurt for months, NOT loving my wife as Christ loved the church. We need to lay down our lives, die to self, turn our lives FULLY to Christ and there we will be free. Keep seeking the Lord in all your do. Read the scriptures, and remember who you are in Christ. Check out http://ephesians525.org/who.php. I am glad to hear you recognize your mistakes and selfish behavior. You are growing-up as a man. Don't give-up as so many other men have who have walked the same path. God can make you an new creation, however you need to be obedient to him. I pray for your brother as your faith deepens in the Lord.

Thanks Cindy. I normally watch them in our bedroom. I told her I was going to rest upstairs and put them on yesterday so I got through one DVD. I will continue to offer that up as you mentioned. Overall we had a good weekend getting out on a date including nice Thai food restaurant and a little shopping. We were home by 7:30 PM - we are such lightweights nowadays! We worked through some communication issues on Sunday as I was being overly needed. I find sometimes being the initiator I can come off being too needed and finding a good balance is a little challenging. Thankfully I can take my wife's feedback much better now and not get so dejected as I did in the past being so down in the dumps. Today my wife is getting out of the house with her Mom which is good (babysitter is lined-up) and I can't wait to be back home in her loving arms. I do see the better I listen and respond to my wife the more enjoyable my own life becomes.

Will do!

Update as we continue to be restored. The areas I need to continue to focus on are the daily and weekly assignments including: Reading at least 10 minutes a day which I usually do Complete viewing of the DVD series and then go over to a weekly hour viewing. My wife has yet to watch any of these. I don't want to pressure her, but I have found timing a viewing with her a bit more tricky. 20 smiles, hugs, kisses and compliments - this is becoming easier as I intentionally set-out to do all of them. Sometimes based on the feedback from my wife I may push it, perhaps being too sexual OR not being as in tune with her. Weekly date - we are going on another date this weekend. It is fun to think about and plan for. I continue to look for new ideas and activities for us to enjoy together Join in both the Men and Couples calls. I find they are so useful. I was on the Tuesday Men's call the entire time this week which I don't normally do, but it was great to participate and listen in on.Thanks all for your continued support. I am so thankful for the ministry and will continue to share with you all my journey. To God be the glory!

Indeed MaryJane. Often the calls run 2-3 hours and just calling in and listening for a bit helps. I have found that there are moments where individuals get help as well including myself when there are no couples ready to speak up. Make every effort to get on as many calls as you can.

Praise the Lord! So glad to be walking with you both. God is so good.

I would love to help get the word out Joel and Kathy. I checked iTunes under Podcasts and you have 10 listings there dating back to August 23, 2009 through October 25, 2010. I don't see anything in books under iTunes. I checked Amazon.com as well at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_18?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=joel%20and%20kathy%20davisson&sprefix=joel+and+kathy+dav%2Caps%2C430&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Ajoel%20and%20kathy%20davisson and found both books only available in Kindle format. I do a lot of driving so having the books on audio would be great as well. Another option you may want to look into is http://www.audible.com/. I don't know the associated costs with setting-up an account, but I figure the more outlets the better. So many more people need this ministry.

CL you are always good for a kick in the pants. You helped get me going and now my marriage is truly on a road to recovery. Thanks again for all you do supporting this ministry. When we take action based on what we learn here we truly can have an outrageously happy marriage.

Rely on the Lord to sustain you. Read Philippians 4:13 and check out http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-philippians-4-13(3).htm. Peace be with you.

Sounds intriguing diamondlady.

Unfortunately the website http://www.thedigitalspring.com/ does not seem to be active. It would be great to have them available via Amazon.com, iTunes and perhaps Audible.com. We need to get the message out to as many folks as possible. This ministry has transformed my marriage!

Good feedback from my wife the last couple of days on areas I can do better. She is still having trouble believing/accepting I am really hearing her. I respond in an affirmative tone and really seek to acknowledge her, thanking her for her observations/feedback. I want to reassure her she is not a "bad person/guy" for sharing with me the things that bother her. I don't want to put her in a bad or uncomfortable situation, rather allow her to share with me ways I have heart her, really listening, connecting and being present with her. Respond/acknowledge when there is physical change/response like when I kiss her. There have been times where her body becomes more rigid and I press on - not good. I need to be more observant and respond quickly to changes in body language. She has noted that I am not being aware of how my different physical touch affects her, primarily in a negative way. I want to help release the oxytocin, but I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I am still working on finding a balance her. In the past most physical touch would always lead to sex so I am changing my ways in this area. Look for an outside activity such as martial arts that will build on my sense of security/confidence. She wants a man who is strong/aggressive in a good way. She discussed a timeline of 6-12 months to get started with this. I agree with her that it would help me in multiple ways - manliness, discipline, focus and the fact it is a turn on to her is not bad either! Devotions - I asked her about devotions between her and I. I tend to be over zealous in daily application of devotions to the point of spiritual abuse in the worse case to being more disruptive to her or the family when I insist on the devotion in the midst of another family activity or during a time of struggle with the kids (e.g., time outs). By pushing the devotion issue this morning I put her in a tough spot and should have listened more. Be quiet/still - I talk - a lot. I find it hard to be still at time and simple just hold her hand (good physical touch without having to lead to sex). Last night and this morning it was a good stretch to simply be laying in the same bed, looking at each other and being quiet - soaking each other in. This is another area I continue to work on, being quiet, taking my wife in and not having to fill the moment with words - just being present, connecting with her.Thanks for those of you who continue to follow me on this journey. Have a blessed day!

Great story Kathy. I pray this type of healing comes to my wife as well after all the hurt I heaped on her for years. We are just starting down the road to recovery but our lives look better than ever at this point. Praise be to God!

Welcome parman! Glad you are hear. We will always have dying to do - we are human and selfish, otherwise we would not need Jesus. Glad you are on the calls. Be thankful that you did actually get clarity on that issue. Now you can actively work on changing your thoughts. I am not sure how long you have been a part of the ministry - I myself only started in December. This ministry has opened my eyes to so many ways I hurt my wife and how I have NOT been the man of her dreams. Thankfully each day I am working to win hear heart back forever and keep it that way. God has brought her and I so far in just a couple months from her wanted a divorce in early December. Stay focused and do the hard work so you can become more Christlike and in the process win your own wife's heart back it can be done. Keep us updated on your journey. God bless you.

Another praise report. This past Friday I was finally able to give my wife a kiss on the lips! I am practicing my kisses now in addition to my hugs, smiles and compliments. We had a great weekend as a family, despite me getting sick. My wife joined the couples call for the first time on Saturday and was able to share. I am so thankful for all of those couples helping on the calls - you do great work. Now I am focusing on getting our WEEKLY date nights set-up as well as staying on target with reading the books 10 minutes as day, watching the DVDs weekly, staying involved with the forum and calls both Men's and Couples. Additionally we book 19 books and 100 brochures to start handing out to family and friends. We are so excited about what God has done and continues to do. Praise be to the Lord!

Praying for you now Rodney. Glad to hear you on the Men's calls. Keep it up.

I am in too! This sounds like Erik Matlock who posts as Forrest Gump. You can check out his great blog at http://erikmatlock.com/. William R - any further updates? Do you have a thread going on the forum. Mine is http://forums.godsavemymarriage.com/index.php?/topic/7598-new-here-my-story-of-a-broken-marriage/. I am thankful that my wife is responding to my pursuit as I change as a man. I have been passive, abusive, neglectful for too long! That guy is being tossed to the curb so I can be a new creation in Christ - thanks to my wife's input. I treasure what she shares with me now like it is gold. My old self would have been put-off as seeing her as manipulative and controlling when in fact I was the one being that way. Boy have my eyes been opened. Thanks be to God!

Just read this and I am thankful for the testimony. Yes, we passive guys CAN change. I am on the road to recovery myself thanks in large part to this ministry, working to win my wife's heart back.

Sadjay I am glad to hear you are staying in the Word. Praying for you now.