Acts of Love

[dory]

Dear H4P,

 

Those are great! Printing off now......

[hereforapurpose]

Here's another:

When you've misrepresented your wife to others either by what you said or what you didn't say, call them and set the record straight...honestly admitting that you lied to them and defend your wife for the person she is as well as confessing that their lack of respect they have for her is your fault.

 

hereforapurpose

[hereforapurpose]

Here's another:

Answering emails that contain either important issues or emails that H has the chance to heal his wife's heart over a current hurtful issue. Especially when there has been tons of conversations about this.

[Giving Hope]

A "HOW TO" guide to romancing your wife.

 

Step one:

 

Create Anticipation:

 

Husbands after you have asked your wife for a date (yes this is old fashioned, but you get points for ASKING) lets start creating the anticipation for the special night ahead. Do a few of these or all of these to create the anticipation during the week and day's leading up to that special night.

 

1. Send flowers to your wife with a note attached saying how anxious you are to be with her.

2. Call your wife an leave a message on her voice mail telling her how much you long to be with her. (be careful to leave this on a voice mail NOT an answering machine, where other's could over hear)

3. Send her a card each day leading up to the special night.

4. Send an email each day leading up to the special night.

5. Send her small gifts each day leading up to the special night.

(small box of chocolates, perfume, lingerie, provocative underwear. etc..use your imagination here!) All delivered with a note that again proclaims your desperate yearning to be with your wife.

 

 

Step Two:

 

Create A Plan:

 

Think about what you are planning.. and make sure that you have all the items you will need for the whole night to go smoothly. For example: If you are planning to having a picnic on the beach...

 

1. Take care of the children.. Set up childcare in advance (Husbands you MUST do this..don't put this off on your wives!)

2. Pack all items you will need.

Picnic basket with her favorite foods, drinks, glasses, napkins, utensils, candles, blankets (some for sitting on and some for cuddling under), towels (if you decided to jump into the water), a gallon of water (to rinse off sandy feet before getting back in to the car), firewood (for starting a fire), matches or lighter (to start the fire), portable radio with romantic music, book of potery to read to your wife. (or better yet, write a poem yourself to read to your wife!)

 

Step Three:

 

Create A Sensory Experience:

 

Women make love with their 5 senses.. Remember that! So lets do a little preschool lesson here.. The 5 sense are? Smell, Taste, Touch, Sound, and Sight.

(Even if you are at home and the kids are away for the night, you can still do these for your wife.)

 

Sight:

Scan the surroundings. Is it clean? Things don't have to be perfect-just comfortable. Everything always looks better in soft lighting. So add some candles around the bedroom. Or hang some small white Christmas light around the bed from the ceiling for a "starry night" effect.

 

Taste:

Chocolate dipped strawberries, (even fondue works for this!) Small bite size foods that create the effect. Bowls of fruits, chocolates, petit fours (if you don't know what those are..go to you local bakery and ask!) Cheese and crackers, wife or other drink (we like sparkling grape juice that you can buy in the wine bottles.) Wine glasses are a must!

 

Sound:

Soft music, small water fountain, etc... Try music from different areas from around the world, like Hawaiian music for that "tropical night" or music from Africa, anything that's exotic! Romantic lyrics that promote commitment, sacrifice and sensitivity.. Even Christian music works for this!

 

Touch:

Look at what you are wearing. We often choose things that are soft next to our skin, but is it soft on the outside as well.. Does it look inviting to the touch? This is why most romantic settings often include water, jacuzzi, swimming, massage, lotions, satin, silk and velvet.

 

Smell:

Do you smell good? Does your wife have a say that you smell better freshly showed? Does she like a special perfume or cologne? Fill the room with scented candles, fresh flowers, a scent ring on a light bulb. Potpourri.. All work well.. Use scented lotions as well.. But they must be all of the same scent to create the mood.. To many overlapping scents can be overwhelming.. Don't go over board here.

 

So think about your wife.. Does she like to smell of fresh baked cookies? Does she like those scented body splashes you get from the Bath and Body store? Look in the cabinets and draws to see which ones she likes the best. She will thank you for this later......

 

 

 

For some who can't think of those "ideas" I am going to include 25 free or nearly free ideas to help get you started.. But later on I hope that you will help add to the list that hopefully will get started. (These ideas were taking from the book "Men are like Waffles-Women are like Spaghetti)

 

1.Have a candlelit picnic in an unusual location, like your rooftop, a park bench or overlooking the ocean.

 

2. Go on a photo date where you snap pictures of each other all over the city. If finances permit it, take them to a one-hour developing location. you may want to frame your favorite and give it to your wife with a note. The others can be sent as postcards to each other all through out the year.

 

3. Walk or bicycle to an inexpensive ice cream shop or fancy coffeehouse.

 

4. Drive in the mountains, arriving in time for a sunset or moonlit stroll.

 

5. Go to a park, push one another in the swings, and talk. Take turns listing from A to Z the reasons you love your wife or husband.

 

6. Walk the mall. The goal is not to buy, but to test perfume and cologne along the way.

 

7. Have a squirt gun fight.

 

8. Write clues on a dime-store Valentines and place them around town. then take your love on a car rally or treasure hunt. The date consists of gathering clues and small romantic treasure likes, poems, chocolates, and other small treats.

 

9. Go to the library and check out a poetry book

 

10. Write a song or poem and perform it for the one you love. Even an original version of "Roses are Red.." can be a treasure when it FROM THE HEART!

 

11. Reenact a portion of timeless romantic drama. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is a great place to start.

 

12. Celebrate your married romance. Spend the day in bed. Prepare ahead and have breakfast in bed. Bring piles of magazines and play soft music. Rest in your love.

 

13. Reminisce over old photo albums or your wedding album. Set the mood by relaxing together and talking by firelight or candlelight. another option is to have your children play waiter and waitress and serve a romantic dinner, then tell them the story of how you fell in love. After they are in bed, choose one other idea on this list to enjoy.

 

14.Go to a local Christian bookstore and by a book of couples devotionals to read together each night. (I Highly recommend "Songs in the key of Solomon.)

 

15. Have a living room luau. Often local music stores have island music at rock bottom prices.

 

16. Borrow plants from all your friends and neighbors and turn your patio into a private garden retreat and enjoy a quite dinner.

 

17. Rent an old-fashion romantic move. The movies made in the 30-50 are a good place to start.

 

18. Rob the kids toy chest. Go fly a kite or play some one on one basketball.

 

19. Work out together. Go for a job, do aerobics to a video or visit a gym.

 

21. Play a board game together. Classic like Scrabble are good conversation starters.

 

22. Put on your special song and waltz around the living room.

 

23. Play 20 questions. Each of you think of ten questions you'd love to know the answers to. Try questions like. "If you introduced me to a stranger today, what one think would you say I do that you really appreciate about me?" Or "If money was not a factor, where would you like to go on a romantic getaway?"

 

24. Anticipate the future. All marriages go through seasons. Consider buying a book to help prepare for the next season of love. (I would suggest the book: "The Man of her Dreams and The Women of His)

 

25. Renew your vows (or write personal vows). This can be a private affair or your can invite your children or friends and family to celebrate.

[Giving Hope]

This list might come across as comical, but in reality its so true!

 

What to say and NOT say on this special night...

 

What she wants to hear:

 

1. She looks wonderful

2. How much you miss being alone with her

3. How good it is to be with her

4. Plans for future together

5. What you like about your relationship

6. Plans for her future (to meet her personal dreams and goals)

7. Her interest (encourage her in them)

8. How you meet (reminisce about wonderful things)

9. Positive things about the restaurant (or where you are at)

10. Her accomplishments

11. Her day

12. Why she's special to you

13. Her idea's

14. The appreciation you have for all she does.

What she DOENS'T want to hear:

 

1. About the kids and in-laws

2. The office

3. Looking forward to something that doesn't involve her

4. Anything negative, anything you don't like about anything

5. Topics you disagree on that may cause an argument

6. Chores

7. Expenses, bills, taxes

8. Other women, past or present

9. Negative things about the restaurant (or place you are at)

10. Your accomplishments

11. Your day

12. Your ideas

13. The difficulties you had in planning this great night.

14. Negative things about the people around you (like if you are in a restaurant setting)

[ledbyfire]

This thread is very helpful.. just found it today... I was thinking of "what do I give my wife for a gift this week" as I am preparing for Thursday, the day I give my bride a gift... I was curious of other creative ideas men have giving their wife that are out of the ordinary.

[Celia]

http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=1470&highlight=

[dove]

It all comes back to respecting someone's heart in an active, dynamic, and daily, way.

 

He gave me my favorite flowers after I gave birth to our daughter. But he had me place the order for the flowers and arrange them for myself. That hurt pretty badly, but I never said.

 

A $5 bunch of flowers purchased on a whim from the corner store as he tenderly walked around the block with me and our new baby would have been more loving than fancy flowers sent while he was out of town, flowers I had to order myself.

 

I didn't feel special. I felt like his secretary, and like if I'd said my heart was hurt he would have been mad because of the expense. No flowers at all and that tenderness would have been just fine.

 

I'd like to feel treasured, cared for, empathized with, rooted for, and cherished. There is no formula for that.

 

Look at your wife with kindness. Are her hands chapped? A tiny bottle of salve is love, even if it costs under a buck. Does she sew? Some pretty notions, or even asking her what she needs to finish a project, that would be nice. Does she garden for you or with you? Some seeds might be a real sign of love.

 

What if you, dear husbaand or wife, took a reflexology or massage course so you'd give really good foot or back rubs? What if you excercised with her every day to help her lose baby weight? Your loving attention is better than any other present. Just to be loved makes a woman glow.

 

What would you do if she was your dog, your horse, your truck, your lawn, or someone or something you thought you oughtta tenderly care for?

 

You'd notice what was needful, you'd know what would bring pleasure or joy. You would just be there, with whatever or whomever you loved.

[PlansForHope]

Reading over some older threads here; thought this one had some great ideas regarding the weekly gifts!

[bornagainbytheblood]

Honestly, I think where I failed the most was listening to hear heart and just allowing her to have someone to talk to and vent to because my immature child like self was too passive enough and wanted to be "right" and "fix" it instead of just owning up to my mistakes and not trying to justify them.

[JoelandKathy]

When Kathy tells me she feels stressed, I stop, rub her shoulders, hug her from the front or behind or side.. that doesn't matter.. I tell her I love her, I ask if she would like me to do anything to help her out, I ask her if she would just like to lay down or sit down and cuddle.

 

The goal is a lot of Oxytocin release in her.

 

Oxytocin is the solution for a woman's stress. A husband is the means of releasing tons of Oxytocin into his wife's body. The touches, loving words, listening to her share her heart or just listening to her talk about anything and actively engaging in the conversation, doing something she asks you to do quickly, hugs, smiles, kisses of course!

 

Her telling you she feels stressed is her invitation to you to give her some attention. Laid back guys have a tendency to (incorrectly) wait for their wife to signal "permission" to show them affection which drives the poor wife up the wall... so when a wife opens the door for you like that, you are having a blessing of her invitation.

 

"I am stressed" means "please touch me, love me, be kind to me." When a man does that, the Oxytocin is released in her and guess what? After a while? Happy Wife, Happy Life!!!!!

[JoelandKathy]

 

Oh my lands... what a song. You have to watch this.

[Cmarie & H.E.R.O.]

 

Oh my lands... what a song. You have to watch this.

 

What an incredible song! I loved it!

 

Cmarie

[JoelandKathy]

Dear Friends,

 

Rocky continues to try to listen. So I am going to write a few things here that I would particularly like him to listen to:

 

 

• I feel lonely when Rocky does not initiate any fun outings for us to enjoy together - I would like a rest at the weekend filled with companionship, fun and laughter
  
• I feel worthless when Rocky argues with me until he forces his opinion as the most important one - I would like my opinion to be important too
  
• I felt sad when my father died, and Rocky didn't comfort me - I would like Rocky to comfort me at the time I need comfort during my grief
  
• I feel frustrated when Rocky does not do what I ask, or says he wil do it and doesn't do it - I would like Rocky to respect my wishes in the same way he expects me to respect his wishes
   
  

 

If Rocky is willing to listen further?..............

 

 

 

 

• I love to sing - especially worship songs to God
  
• I love to read the Bible and follow His teaching for real
  
• I like to see our family fully relaxed and enjoying themselves
  
• I like Roses - double tinted roses especially
  
• I like homemade cards with thoughtful words inside them
  
• I like thank yous and appreciation given in a considerate manner
  
• I like be treated like I'm a lady
  
• I like togetherness on our own and also among our friends
  
• I like to give and receive small gifts
  
• I like to give and receive big gifts
  
• I like to travel
  
• I would like a weekend away (without mobile phones!)
   
  

 

 

Any one of the above things would bless me.................

 

I hope Rocky is willing to listen to these things

 

God Bless you

with love from

Audra

[JoelandKathy]

Just wanted to say I love you SOOO much HERO. You are so romantic and sexy! If this is what "recovery" feels like, I cant wait until OHM!

 

I also want to add something we talked about after our wonderful "anniversary" celebration Sunday night. I said to HERO how sad it is that men don't just do things the easy way when it comes to LM. They can either DEMAND LM and spiritually abuse their wife by citing scriptures about her body being his etc, etc, OR he can romance his wife and she would then be more than willing to do whatever he asks. HERO said thats where the joy in it is, thats why dating is so attractive (and thus enticing to a man to get into an affair) it is all about the excitement and romance that leads to sex. Its not ALL about the sex, its fun to romance a woman and win her over. In the end, he is still getting the sex he wanted, but why not enjoy the process?

 

I think this is true in any situation, not just LM. If a man wants a clean house, he can bless his wife to the point that she is so full of energy and oxytocin that she is a cleaning machine, or he can throw a fit or stew silently about how miserable she is making him. If he wants to go to a football game or something similar, He can lovingly invite his wife to join him, which she may accept or decline, or he can whine and complain about how he never gets to do ANYTHING because of his ball and chain. It just seems so simple to do things the easy way to get what you wanted in the first place rather than make life a living nightmare for everyone.

 

I am learning that with my kids. I can ask them to clean up their toys nice or make a fun game out of it or I can scream at them about being slobs. Which is more effective? It is not manipulation to do this, its INITIATION. Manipulation is getting what you want in an abusive way, initiation is getting what you want in a selfless, sacrificial way. Simple, yet strangely so difficult.

 

i believe once a man can work through his AD and M-S issues, it becomes fun again to pursue and romance his spouse just like when they were dating. I am glad that HERO is over himself and is really getting into being the man of my dreams. I am happy to bless him in whatever ways he would like me to because he has been so sweet.

 

There are times I can tell things aren't going "his way" and it is tough for him to work through, but for the most part he just does whatever is needed at the time. He sees it as his job to be a husband and does his job well, just like he does his REAL job. Things don't always go perfectly just like at work, and sometimes things are tough and stressful, but he doesnt just quit, he finishes the job and moves on.

 

I am so grateful for how far we have come, and I can only see us making more and more progress in the future. I am so blessed!

 

I love you my HERO

 

Cmarie

[JoelandKathy]

101 ROMANTIC IDEAS

by Michael Webb posted on: www.TheRomantic.com

 

IDEA # 1

If your partner is going away for a few days, tell her that you are worried about her so you have organized a bodyguard to look after her. Then give her a small teddy bear.

 

IDEA # 2

Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You" When the lights go down, your message will be revealed!

 

IDEA # 3

On a special occasion, buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet.

Attach a card that says:

“I will love you until the last rose fades.”

 

IDEA # 4

Buy the domain name of your partner's name if it is available for example www.TanyaJohnston.com. Create a web page containing a romantic poem and a picture of a rose. When your partner is surfing the web, casually ask whether she has ever checked to see whether her domain name is taken. Let her type it in to discover her page.

 

IDEA # 5

Buy a stylish hand mirror and give it to your partner as a gift. Include a card in the box saying

“In this mirror you will see the image of

the most beautiful woman in the world.”

 

IDEA # 6

Take a book that your partner is reading and using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a love letter. For example in the following exert from a novel, the underlined letters come together to spell out the secret message "I love you"

The palace was a labyrinth, their passage through it tortuous and interminable. Initially they passed from building to building under the sodden sky. Steve's feet ached; he might have laughed at himself, the tireless traveler, grown too soft from his months in the city to walk any proper distance. Abruptly the guards halted.

The underlined letters will make your partner curious and with a bit of luck she will write them down. Spend time to encode a proper message such as "Dear Belinda, I love you honey"

 

IDEA # 7

Have flowers delivered to your partner's workplace. She will not only enjoy the flowers but will also receive comments and attention from her office mates which will add to her enjoyment.

 

IDEA # 8

While walking with your partner on a weekend getaway, pick up a smooth stone and say that you're going to keep it as a special memento of your trip. Later, have a message such as

"I Love Rebecca"

engraved into the stone by a jeweler and give it to your partner.

 

IDEA # 9

Drive into the country, find a grassy hill and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds.

Play the kid’s game of looking for shapes in the cloud formations.

 

IDEA # 10

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write "I Love You" inside a heart.

Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner's work such as:

For the immediate and urgent attention of:

Rebecca Jones

 

IDEA # 11

Memorize one of Shakespeare's love sonnets and recite it to your partner when you are in a romantic setting like a botanical garden. Don't just suddenly start reciting poetry as this will just sound corny.

While you are cuddling your partner, ask in a joking manner, "So is now a good time to recite a love poem to you?" She will probably say yes, expecting you to come up with something of the "Roses are Red..." variety.

Instead, look into her eyes, smile and recite the sonnet while you gently stroke her face. Try the sonnet below. If this is too long, just memorize the first four lines and the last two.

Shakespeare Love Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimmed,

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

 

IDEA # 12

If your partner has to work late, take a lunch box and fill it with some of her favorite things such as chocolates, herbal tea, cookies, a small teddy bear.

Next, get a piece of paper and write

"Michelle's Late Night Survival Pack"

Draw a big red cross below this and stick the paper to the top of the box. Tell your partner to open the box when things get really tough.

 

IDEA # 13

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. This will often bring back happy memories from her childhood.

 

IDEA # 14

Leave a long stem rose where your partner will find it with a note on it saying:

"Thank you for coming into my life."

 

IDEA # 15

If your partner is starting a new job, buy a copy of "The Sound Of Music" sound track. Tape the song, "I Have Confidence" onto a tape and add your own message at the end of the song saying,

"Good Luck honey, I have confidence in you."

Give the tape to your partner to play on the way to work in the car.

 

IDEA # 16

Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card.

Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card:

I know a great Masseur.

For an appointment ring:

(Your Phone Number)

IDEA # 17

When your spouse has had a really long hard day, run a hot bath for her. Pour some fragrant bath oil into the tub and gently bathe her from head to toe. Carry her into the bedroom. Gently towel her dry and tuck her into a freshly made bed with a kiss on the forehead.

 

IDEA # 18

For this idea you will need a portable CD player. If you and your partner have a favorite song, get a copy of it on CD and take it with you when you go away for a romantic weekend.

When you are in a romantic spot, ask your partner if she would like to dance. Place one earpiece in her ear and one in your own and enjoy your private dance floor.

This technique is particularly effective if the romantic spot you have chosen is somewhere where people would not normally dance, for example, the top of the Empire State building at sunset or on top of a mountain during a camping trip.

 

IDEA # 19

If your partner has a pet that she adores, at Christmas, in addition to buying a gift for your partner, buy a small present for her pet.

 

IDEA # 20

Go for a walk on the beach. Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner as you watch the sun go down.

Check out our amazing romance resources here:

http://www.TheRomantic.com/books.htm

 

IDEA # 21

Invite your partner to go for a walk. Get a back pack and pack the following items: A picnic blanket, a selection of fruit in small containers eg. strawberries, grapes, watermelon and kiwi fruit. Some cheese and crackers. Some sandwiches. A small tin of caviar. A half bottle of champagne and two plastic champagne glasses. If your partner asks what's in the backpack, just say a jacket and some lunch.

When you find a romantic spot, ask if she would like to stop for a bite to eat. Open your pack and remove the items one by one to set up your picnic. The last item you remove should be the glasses and champagne.

 

IDEA # 22

If you play a musical instrument, create a romantic environment in which to play for your partner. For example, let's say you play the saxophone. Contact your partner's roommate and arrange for her to make sure that your partner steps out onto the balcony of their apartment at exactly 9.30pm.

Drive to her apartment and set up before hand. Place a large sparkler in the music holder of your sax and light it as your partner steps on to the balcony. Play something slow and romantic.

 

IDEA # 23

Use this idea if your partner is going to work and you are staying at home for some reason (Perhaps you are sick or are working from home).

Say goodbye to her at the front door and then immediately send an email to her work address. The email should simply say,

"Miss you already".

The email will be in her in-box when she does her morning email check.

 

IDEA # 24

If your partner has long hair, take the time to brush it using long slow strokes. This is particularly effective after she has had a shower or when she is getting ready for bed.

 

IDEA # 25

On a special occasion like your partner's birthday, plan a treasure hunt for her. The fun begins when you suggest going for a walk on the beach.

When you get to the beach, carry a small bag with you. The bag contains a bottle that you prepared earlier. Inside the bottle is a treasure map. To make the treasure map look authentic, burn the edges with a match.

As you are walking, slip the bottle out of your bag and let it drop to the sand near the water's edge. You may have to pause and kiss your partner to do this unnoticed. Walk a little further up the beach then turn around and retrace your steps to 'discover' the bottle.

On the map have a dotted line leading from the beach to a nearby cafe. At the cafe, your partner won't know what to look for so suggest that you just sit down and have a cup of coffee.

When the waitress delivers the coffee, she suggests to your partner that she might find what she is looking for under the coaster. When your partner turns over the coaster she finds a key taped to the bottom. Obviously you will have to set this up before hand with the waitress. Most waitresses will be happy to help a romantic guy out with this type of thing.

At the next stop on the map, your partner finds or is given a spade. Then at the last stop on the map your partner finds a large 'X' made up of two crossed sticks. She digs and discovers a locked box. The key unlocks the box to reveal her present.

 

IDEA # 26

Invite your partner on a date by sending her a plain brown envelope containing a tape. On the tape, record the Mission Impossible sound track and then record yourself saying, “Your mission if you choose to accept it is to make your way to Café Venoli, 123 Park Lane at 18.30 Eastern Standard Time. There you will rendezvous with a stunningly attractive man wearing a red carnation. The future of the free world is now in your hands. This tape will self destruct in five seconds.” Then record ten beeps from a stopwatch and record yourself saying, “Would you believe ten seconds…” Its corny but it usually gets a laugh!

 

IDEA # 27

Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl.

For example if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted.

 

IDEA # 28

Organize a professional photo shoot to obtain a portrait of the two of you as a couple. Frame the picture and put it somewhere prominent. Remember to make sure you give your partner plenty of notice so that she can get ready.

 

IDEA # 29

Write a note saying

"I thought of you today, and it made me smile."

Leave the note somewhere where your partner is sure to find it.

 

IDEA # 30

For Valentines Day, buy your partner a charm bracelet with at least 14 charms.

Remove all the charms and let your partner 'find' one charm each day for the first fourteen days of February. On Valentines Day give her the bracelet and any remaining charms.

 

IDEA # 31

When you and your partner are in a shopping center or airport, stop at one of those booths that allow you to take an instant photo and print them out as stickers.

Choose a romantic background and kiss your partner while the photo is being taken.

 

IDEA # 32

If your partner has voice mail at work or on her mobile, leave a message saying

"Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you."

She will appreciate this anytime but especially when she is going through a rough period.

 

IDEA # 33

Organize a mystery trip for you and your partner. Some travel agents will organize mystery packages where the destination of the trip is kept secret until you are actually on the plane or arrive at the destination.

 

IDEA # 34

Buy some rose petals and place them behind the sun visor on the passenger side of your car. Take a post it note and write, "I Love You" on it and stick it to the back of the sun visor.

As you are driving to a romantic destination, look at your partner and tell her she has a mark on her cheek. She will pull down the sun visor to use the mirror and be showered in rose petals and see your note.

 

IDEA # 35

If your partner is going on a trip, pack a small present into the corner of her suitcase that she will find when she is away.

 

IDEA # 36

When you and your partner are having an anniversary, buy two champagne glasses and get them engraved with your names and the date, for example:

Mal and Kate

7 May 2002

Go to the restaurant where you have made your reservations and request that when you and your partner arrive that your champagne be served in your special glasses. This will be a great surprise for your partner and a wonderful keepsake for you both.

 

IDEA# 37

On a special occasion such as your partner's birthday, buy twenty-four red roses. Arrange to meet her at a specific spot in a shopping mall before going out for dinner. Get to the shopping mall early and position yourself around the corner from your meeting spot.

Ask a guy who is walking by whether he would mind helping you out. Give him a rose, point out your partner and ask him to walk up to her and say, "Happy Birthday Meagan" and give her the rose and then walk away. Repeat this with eleven other guys. Choose guys who are not too good looking and choose guys of different ages. A nice touch is to have the last rose delivered by a small child who could even by accompanied by his parents.

After the first twelve flowers have been delivered, approach your partner with the twelve remaining roses.

 

IDEA # 38

Always listen for things that your partner reminisces about and jot them down somewhere. For example, perhaps she talks about the ice cream that she had from a particular shop when she was a little girl.

When a special occasion comes along, check your list of things that your partner talks about and try to recreate one of them, for example, visit the shop and buy a tub of ice cream making sure that the name of the shop is on the container.

 

IDEA # 39

Create a love montage by collecting some photographs of you and your partner, some ticket stubs of places you have visited and any other small odds and ends that have special meaning to you both.

Take these items and get them professionally framed in a three dimensional montage. Alternatively, buy a frame and create a simple montage yourself.

 

IDEA # 40

Buy an ornately carved wooden box which is lined with green or red felt. Find an old fashioned key and place it in the box.

Next, get a small gold plaque and have it engraved with the words

The Key To My Heart

Fix the plaque to the inside of the top of the box so that it can be read when the box is opened.

 

IDEA # 41

Buy a tree with your partner and plant it in a special spot. Each year on your anniversary, have a glass of champagne next to your tree and talk about how your love and the tree have grown.

 

IDEA # 42

If you shower first in the morning. Steam up the bathroom and write a message such as "Pete Loves Kathy" on the mirror for your partner to read when she uses the bathroom. This also works on car windows when it's cold.

 

IDEA # 43

As a special gift, name a Star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named. See the following website for details:

http://www.theromantic.com/gifts.htm

 

IDEA # 44

Find a comic strip that relates to something that you and your partner have shared together, for example perhaps you both work in the same office and you find a Dilbert cartoon that relates to the politics at your workplace.

Enlarge the cartoon using a photocopier and use white-out to cover the cartoon text. Type up your own text that relates to you and your partner and paste it in the appropriate places and then photocopy the cartoon again so that it looks like your text was the actual text of the cartoon.

For an added touch, get your customized cartoon laminated before giving it to your partner.

 

IDEA # 45

When you and your partner are enjoying a restful time away, organize to wake up early one morning and go to a scenic spot to watch the sun rise.

This may seem difficult but it is something which is definitely worth doing at least once. Seeing a new day being born is something really special to share with your partner.

 

IDEA # 46

When you have access to a spa, create a romantic atmosphere by placing some candles around the tub and some rose petals floating on the surface of the water.

As your partner enjoys the water, serve champagne and chocolate covered strawberries before joining her.

 

IDEA # 47

Create some love coupons that your partner can exchange for romantic favors.

For example you could have a coupon that reads

This coupon entitles the bearer to:

One Foot Massage.

Use by 07/08/2045

Use a date many years in the future if you want to suggest that you and your partner will always be together.

 

IDEA # 48

On a warm summers night, organize a backyard picnic. Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.

 

IDEA # 49

Next time it is raining really heavily, go for a walk with your partner. Forget the umbrellas and the raincoats. Run through the streets together, jump in puddles and get totally saturated.

Pick her up, twirl her around and kiss her while the rain falls. Taste the water off her face and hold her close.

When you get back home have a hot shower and then share a warm drink preferably in front of an open fire.

 

IDEA # 50

Organize a hot air ballooning trip as a special surprise. Most trips begin with a glass of champagne before you float over the countryside with your partner.

Check out our reviews of various lovemaking books and products:

http://www.TheRomantic.com/reviews.htm

 

IDEA # 51

When your partner is sitting at a table or desk, come up behind him or her and give her a back, shoulder and head massage. Finish with a gentle kiss on the cheek.

 

IDEA # 52

Place an ad in the paper on a normal day saying something like:

Dear Amanda,

With you by my side, everyday

feels like Valentines Day.

Thank you for being you.

Love,

Graham

 

IDEA # 53

Buy a book that you and your partner are both interested in reading.

Read one chapter each night in bed with each of you taking turns to read out loud.

This can be a great alternative to television.

 

IDEA # 54

When your partner is having a shower or bath, take her towel and place it in the dryer to make it really warm and then wrap her up in it when she is done.

 

IDEA # 55

Photocopy your hand and fax a copy of it to your partner with a message saying, "Do ya wanna hold hands?"

 

IDEA # 56

Next time you order a pizza, ask to have it cut into a heart shape before it is delivered to your home.

 

IDEA # 57

Buy a box of chocolates and very carefully open one side of the plastic wrap so that you can gently slide the box out. Open the box and place a love note inside. Then slide the box back into its plastic wrap and reseal it.

 

IDEA #58 Rent a tandem bike and go for a ride with your partner. At the end of your ride have a picnic in the park.

 

IDEA # 59

If you are away on a business trip, document a day in your life for your partner. For example:

'A Day In The Life Of Mark'

6am: Just woke up and thought of you - Wish you were laying next to me. Well, I better get ready for work.

7am: Am on the train. It's crowded; everyone looks like they are half dead. I miss ya heaps.

8.30am: Have just organized my day, it's going to be a busy one.

9.30am: Am in the middle of a really boring meeting. I am trying to concentrate on this months sales figures but I keep thinking of your beautiful eyes.

...

6.30pm: Thank goodness the day is over. I am counting the days until we’re together again.

Send your letter to your partner. This is a wonderful way to tell your partner how often you think about her during the day and to share your life with her in a special way.

 

IDEA # 60

Speak to your partner's family and find out what her favorite book was when she was a little girl.

Buy a copy of the book and read it to her in bed.

 

IDEA # 61

Write an email story with your partner. Start the ball rolling with an email that says something like:

Chapter 1:

This is the story of Pete and Kate who met at a friend's engagement party one summer afternoon.

The email can then continue to develop the beginnings of a story which can be completely fictitious or a combination of fiction and reality.

Finish your email by saying, "And now for Chapter 2, its over to you..."

The VERY BEST material I have seen to help couples get closer (whether they are in a long distance relationship or not – www.questionsforcouples.com

 

IDEA # 62

Buy a kite and on a windy day find a park and fly the kite with your partner.

If you can afford it, buy a large kite that you control with two hand lines. These kites are great fun.

 

IDEA # 63

When you and your partner are planning to go out for dinner, suggest that you have an 'Adventure Dinner'. Here's how it works

Set the timer on your stopwatch to count down twenty minutes. Next, ask your partner to choose a number between 5 and 10. Lets say she chooses 7.

Give your partner a coin and tell her that at every 7th intersection, she has to flip the coin. If it is heads you will turn left. If it is tails you will turn right. When your watch timer goes off you have to both keep a look out for the nearest place to eat.

This is a fun way to get out and about and try new places to eat.

 

IDEA # 64

When you and your partner are going somewhere special, get your camera, buy a new roll of film and wait for her to come out of the house.

When she appears, act like a professional photographer and go wild taking pictures of her with the flash. While you are taking photos, bombard her with questions as though she was a famous actress and you are trying to get a scoop for the magazine you represent.

Not only is this fun but you will also get some great photos to look back on together.

 

IDEA # 65

When your partner is sick at home, take a day off to look after her.

Rent some videos, make her some soup, wrap her up in a blanket and just be with her.

 

IDEA # 66

When you are having dinner one night, ask your partner about the things she has always wanted to do.

Later on, write these things down so you don't forget them and over time try and help make them happen. For example she may say that one thing she has always wanted to do is swim with dolphins. Find out where she can do this and organize it for her as a special surprise.

 

IDEA # 67

Rent the video, "An Affair To Remember". Buy some popcorn, champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and have a special film night at home.

 

IDEA # 68

Go to the drive in but instead of sitting in the car, spread a picnic blanket on the ground. Light a candle and buy popcorn. Cuddle your partner and enjoy the film.

 

IDEA # 69

Create a personalized magazine cover for your partner. To do this, get hold of a good quality photo of her and a copy of a popular entertainment magazine.

Take these two items to a print shop or graphic design agency. Ask them to scan your partner's photo and develop a magazine cover with the lead story being, "The 30 most beautiful women of 2003".

When you get the cover, stick it on the front of a real magazine and ask your local shop owner whether you can place it in the magazine rack. Organize to meet your partner at the shop before going out. When she arrives, tell her that you are just looking for a magazine. Let her browse the rack and discover her magazine.

 

IDEA # 70

Fill the trunk of your car with helium balloons. Drive to a romantic spot in the country to go for a walk. The ideal spot is somewhere up high with a clear view of the surrounding countryside.

Get out of the car and act as though you are about to set off for your walk. Make sure your partner is closer to the car than you and then throw her the keys and ask if she can get your jacket from the trunk while you tie your shoelace.

When she opens the boot the balloons will be released. You can also place a sign saying, "I Love You" on the inside of the trunk so that it will be revealed when the trunk opens.

 

IDEA # 71

On a special occasion create a unique present for your partner by buying two white t-shirts and some fabric paint. Draw half a heart and the letters LO on one t-shirt and the half a heart and the letters VE on the other t-shirt.

When you walk down the street holding each other close, the heart will be made whole and your message of love revealed.

An example is shown below.

 

IDEA # 72

On a hot summers day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you.

Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight.

 

IDEA # 73

Share your food with your partner. When you go out for a meal, hold a forkful up to her mouth and say, "You've got to try this."

Sharing your food and even feeding each other is a great way to become closer as a couple.

 

IDEA # 74

Compliment your partner in public. If you are talking in a group and it is appropriate to the conversation say something like, "Kate makes the most incredible roast." Squeeze her hand while you are talking about her.

 

IDEA # 75

Arrange a special day off from work. Start with breakfast, go for a walk in the park, go shopping, have afternoon tea in a cozy cafe and finish off with a romantic dinner.

 

IDEA # 76

Buy a gift voucher for a facial at a local beauty clinic and place it in a card accompanied by the message,

A special treat for

someone special

 

IDEA # 77

Even if you are just going down the road to buy some milk, act as though you are returning home after a major adventure.

Say something like, "Well it was touch and go there for a while with the snow and the wolves but I made it!" and then give your partner a huge bear hug.

 

IDEA # 78

Send your partner a thank-you note. For example:

Dear Bec,

Thanks for helping me move house.

Having you there made a huge difference.

I really appreciate your help and your love.

Tim

 

IDEA # 79

If you have kids, organize for them to stay at their grandparents for the weekend.

On Friday evening, announce that the weekend is yours and start planning how you are going to spend your special time together.

 

IDEA # 80

Give your partner a magic gift box. Every month, place a new small gift in the box for her to discover.

Check out our top recommended romance resources here: www.TheRomantic.com

 

IDEA # 81

Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have. Talk to her friends and family and use the Net to find the information you need.

 

IDEA# 82

Go to a masquerade ball. Send an invitation to your partner telling her to meet you at a specific spot at the stroke of eight.

Wear a mask and when you meet her, don't say a word. Just take her hand and lead her on to the dance floor.

 

IDEA # 83

On Thursday, ask your partner to pack a bag for the weekend. Tell her she'll need casual clothes and walking shoes but don't tell her what you have got planned.

Pick her up after work on Friday and drive to a romantic bed and breakfast for a romantic weekend of relaxation.

 

IDEA # 84

When you are relaxing at home one night, take two large sheets of paper and some pencils or crayons. On each piece of paper, draw the outline of a large crystal ball sitting on a stand.

Tell your partner to look into her crystal ball and draw what she sees five years in the future. Do the same thing yourself and then come together to share and discuss your drawings.

 

IDEA # 85

Create a loving nickname for your partner. This could be the name she was called by her family when she was a little girl or something that is special just for the two of you.

 

IDEA # 86

If you are musically inclined, write a love song for your partner. Call it something like "Natasha's Song".

Produce a professional looking manuscript, print it out and get it framed. Record your song onto CD and take a photo of your partner and get a print shop to create a CD cover if you can’t create one on your computer.

Place the framed manuscript and the CD in a box and give it to your partner as a special gift.

 

IDEA # 87

Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination.

Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.

 

IDEA # 88

Have a really big pillow fight. Set up for it by buying two pillows that are filled with feathers. Put holes in the pillows so the feathers will start to fly and then attack your partner when you feel the time is right.

 

IDEA # 89

Get out into the great outdoors. After a day of hiking, build an open fire. Sit by the fire with your partner, toast marshmallows and watch as the embers of the fire climb into the night sky.

 

IDEA # 90

If your partner uses a computer, take a photo of the two of you and get it scanned at a print shop (or scan it at home) and store it on disk as a .bmp file.

Transfer the file onto your partner's computer and set the image as the computer's wallpaper.

To do this on a Windows machine, select Start / Settings / Control Panel / Display. Choose the Background tab and click the Browse button to find your .bmp file.

 

IDEA # 91

If you are artistically inclined, do a life drawing course, practice until you are confident and then ask your partner to pose for you.

 

IDEA # 92

Take your partner to a carnival or festival. Try the following:

(1) Food festival

(2) Jazz festival

(3) Wine festival

(4) Music festival

 

IDEA # 93

Develop a video time capsule. Start with the two of you sitting together on a couch introducing the video. Say something like, "It is currently July 14th 2002. We have decided to make this video so that we can watch it together on our 25th wedding anniversary."

Then have a section where you talk to the camera by yourself, telling the camera how you feel about your partner and why you love her. Get her to do the same thing. When you are done, place the video in a bank vault and on your 25th wedding anniversary you will be able to look back in time and reminisce about everything that you have shared.

 

IDEA # 94

If you are in a secluded spot near a beach or lake and the weather is warm, go for an impromptu skinny dip with your partner.

 

IDEA # 95

This one is great for long distance relationships. It takes a bit of organization but if you can pull it off, it is sure to be a surprise that your partner will never forget. Organize to catch up with her regularly over the internet using either a chat room or an Instant Messenger program. Then arrange a secret trip to meet her without telling her that you’re coming.

When it comes time for your usual chat over the Net, arrange for a close friend back home to log on using your nickname while you position yourself outside her door. Phone your friend on your mobile and be speaking to him in real time. Tell him to type in the following sentence, “I really miss you honey, I wish I could be there and just reach out and knock on your door.” As soon as he has sent the message, knock on the door!

 

IDEA # 96

Buy your partner a gold fish in a bowl and give it to her with a card saying,

“Of all the fish in the sea,

you're the fish for me!”

 

IDEA # 97

Go for a drive either early in the morning or at dusk. Get a CD/tape that contains sounds of nature such as Sounds Of the Rainforest and play it as you hold your partner's hand and drive.

 

IDEA # 98

The day before your partner's birthday buy some helium balloons, streamers and flowers and hide them in a closet.

When your partner has fallen asleep, string the streamers around the room and bring out the balloons and flowers. Place them around the bed so that your partner wakes up to a real birthday surprise.

 

IDEA # 99

Spend a leisurely afternoon with your partner in a large book shop such as Borders where you can browse the shelves, share a coffee and sit down to peruse your purchases.

 

IDEA # 100

If you can afford it, hire a sports car for a weekend. Pick up your partner and give her a long white cashmere scarf to wear with her sunglasses. Go for a drive along the coast with the top down.

 

 

IDEA # 101

Serve your partner breakfast in bed. Try the following:

(1) A poached egg in the shape of a heart - you can pick up a heart shaped poacher at most shops that sell kitchen wares.

(2) French toast with cinnamon and maple syrup.

(3) Cereal.

(4) Fruit juice.

(5) A fresh flower.

 

 

 

Other RESOURCES:

What you ABSOLUTELY MUST know about the person you are with. This ebook also comes with a free 300 Days of Questions e-course. www.questionsforcouples.com

 

Have you ever had a dull date? No more. This book features nearly 6 years worth of creative date nights. Tips on first dates and asking someone out for a date too. www.300creativedates.com

 

Hundreds of fun, creative, inventive and wild tips to spice things up. Written in Michael’s typical, classy style – none of the material is raunchy, immoral or in bad taste. Includes over a dozen lovemaking positions to try out. www.500lovemakingtips.com

 

Less than 1% of marriages rate themselves as “blissful.” What are the secrets of the most successful marriages? www.50secrets.com

[JoelandKathy]

This has to do with COMPLIMENTING your wife, part of the 20/20/20/20

20 smiles, 20 hugs, 20 kisses, 20 compliments EACH DAY

 

from: epinions.com

 

10 Ways to Compliment a Woman

Feb 29 '00

 

You’re a Woman, You Must Know…

“Women are so hard to please,” a male friend recently told me. “Come on, you’re a woman! Tell me what women want!”

 

Well… that’s a tall order. In the first place, women are not all the same, and can’t be lumped together into an easy “do this and she’ll love you forever” formula. But it did get me thinking, and anyone who knows me will tell you I am very opinionated. I also have been happily married for 15 years… well, married for 15 years, we’ve been happy for most of them! I’m only half-kidding there – marriage is a lot of hard work. ... But one of the things that can truly touch a woman’s heart is a compliment.

 

“Compliment?” You say, “But I compliment my wife all the time, and she just ignores me!” Hmmm…. Dare I say you may be doing it wrong? And to be fair … many women (myself included) are very poor at receiving compliments. That’s fodder for another Epinion, but for now, let’s look at some ways to help you communicate your love for the female in your life, through your words, effectively.

Compliment Her Sincerely

An insincere compliment is one of the quickest ways to get a woman to discredit you. Shooting off a rote response like “You look nice” to a question like “Does this look okay?” is very discouraging to a woman. Sometimes we honestly want your opinion; sometimes we just want a reinforcement of our own judgement. I’m not a huge shopper, when I go shopping for clothes it really helps to have another woman along. If I ask my friend Jill if an outfit looks good on me, she’ll tell me to turn around first, then she will tell me exactly how it flatters me (or doesn’t), in detail. I know her input will be kind (she's my friend, after all!) and sincere.

 

Always look your partner in the eye when you give her a compliment, if possible. Try to be clear, and sincere. If her hair looks especially nice, tell her you like how it curls around her face. If her outfit sets off her eyes/skin/lips (whatever) especially nicely, tell her that. Say it with love, and say it sincerely. Try to give one sincere compliment instead of three bland ones.

Compliment Her with Details

Few things are as unfulfilling as a vague compliment. “You look nice” is a typical vague compliment. Others in this category are you look pretty, that’s a nice outfit, and that’s nice, dear. These are the compliments that get tuned out -- they are background noise. They’re nice, but they don’t tell us any information. If they were Epinions I’d rate them as “Somewhat recommended” .

 

So add a little spice. Tell her WHY she looks nice. For example, if she has a new outfit on, compliment how it fits on her, or how well that color looks against her skin, etc. Her eyes are not just pretty; they are the most gorgeous shade of green in the world. Her hair is not really nice, its soft and it smells fabulous and makes you want to run your hands through it. The new dress is not just pretty, that shade of blue looks great against her skin, and it hangs beautifully (or matches her earrings perfectly … or whatever). If you catch yourself saying, “You look nice”, complete the compliment with a detail. You’ll be glad you did.

Compliment Her Frequently

Compliments that come once a month make us wonder about the intentions. My female friends and I were reflecting the other day that we get compliments on two specific occasions – 1) when we ask for them, overtly or otherwise and 2) when our husbands want sex. Compliments should be given freely, and frequently, so that the recipient knows you are thinking of her, and caring about her, with no other intention. If we have to beg for a compliment, it loses some of its value. Don’t misinterpret a question of “how do I look” as fishing for a compliment – yes, we might need some positive reinforcement, but as often as not it indicates an insecurity in our decision (on the outfit, hair, whatever) and we just need positive reinforcement. Compliment your partner frequently and they will flourish in the sunshine.

Compliment Her Mind

Now, this is not to say that we do not enjoy compliments about our bodies. These are wonderful, as long as they are sincerely given, with some details. But it is also just as important to know that we are loved, and appreciated for more than our sexy bodies . A compliment on our minds, or our accomplishments, is one of the most striking compliments there is because it tells us that you have truly paid attention to us, as people. I personally appreciate a compliment on something I have done, which goes like this: “I’m really impressed with the way you handled that issue with Rich. You used a lot of creativity and tact to get that resolved quickly and without a lot of hurt feelings.”

 

WOW! All of a sudden I feel pumped up! This compliment reinforces your appreciation of my mind, and respect in my decision-making skills! Every single woman makes hundreds of decisions every day, whether they work outside the home or not. Listen to the issues, how she dealt with them, and try to make sure she knows how impressed you are with what she did. Don’t belittle her contributions, it will put a wall up and make her less willing to share in the future. A simple, sincere compliment will go a long way to opening communications between you.

Compliment Her Publicly

One of the rarest compliments is the public one. I am not talking about a public speech, listing all of your partner’s positive points (although if you want to go that far, go for it!). What I am referring to is the acknowledgement, in front of others, of the respect you have for your partner and her contributions. “Maggie keeps me laughing, she helps me see the humor even in the worst situations!” “Wendy is a fantastic cook, I am always so amazed that she has time to cook so well and manage everything else she has going!” “Mary is so patient with the girls, she can sit down and explain technical details to them in a way they understand!”

 

All too often we make these comments about our spouses when they are not there, but don’t say them to their face. Its not that we don’t feel that way, it just doesn’t come up…. You know what I mean? So make it come up. Share your appreciation. If you have occasion to praise your partner, and she is not there to hear it, take her in your arms that night, and tell her “I was talking to John today about the merger, and we got talking about hardships. I told him how you keep me laughing, and always help me see the humor even in the worst situations. I wanted to tell you how much that means to me.” Now THAT is a sincere compliment.

Compliment Her with a Gift

Compliments do not have to be given with gifts. That is to say, a well-phrased compliment is a gift all by itself. BUT – if you are going to give a gift, try giving a compliment with it. Try telling her you bought that special bracelet not just “because it was on sale” (OOPS!) but “because you saw it, and it reminded you of her and how important she is to you”. (Sigh, much better!). Even a sincere “I thought of you today, and it made me smile” is a beautiful accompaniment to a gift. One sidenote – most women do not like gifts that are associated with sex. It makes us feel cheap, so if you have a particularly lusty occasion and want to commemorate it with a gift, tie the gift to the fun you had together, not the sex itself. See the difference?

Compliment Her with your Ears

Listening is a compliment in and of itself. When you listen to me, it says “You are important to me, and I care what you have to say”. That is so touching to us – and I speak for myself and many friends, who wish we could get half of the attention that a good football game gets. Turn off the TV and talk to her. If she is sharing with you, listen. If it is the same old rant, about the same old thing, maybe she really needs to be heard on this? Asking probing, honest questions will tell her that you care, you are truly listening, and you care about her feelings. Don’t be afraid to use reflective comments, “That must be really hard for you.” “It sounds like that was really frustrating”. “That must have made you feel great!”

 

If you are tired, and really don’t want to have that long discussion she is ready to launch into, be honest with her. My husband once dozed off during a particularly heartfelt discussion we were having… or clearly, that I was having (alone!). Fear not, he heard an earful about that the next morning. Now he will wisely (and in a self-protecting mode) tell me “Honey, I truly want to hear what you have to say, but I am so tired I’m afraid I can’t really focus on it. I do want to listen to you, and I’d love it if we could talk about this in the morning…” Yes, she may be hurt. But she will be less hurt than if you doze off (and as my husband will attest to, you will be less hurt – physically – also!). Be sure to initiate the discussion in the morning, otherwise you are just putting her off.

Compliment Her with your Time

When is the last time you took time off of work just to share it with her? Or took an hour out of your weekend just to sit and talk to her? We sometimes get a bucket of KFC, and a bottle of wine, and go sit on a blanket at the beach just to talk. Its not expensive, I set aside my healthy diet, and we just relax and spend time together. Have kids? Get a sitter, and go out. Again, its not the place that matters as much as the fact that you initiate it, and you get the sitter because YOU want to spend time with HER. Make sure she knows that. Make sure she understands how important she is to you, and how meaningful that time together is to you. That is a huge compliment in and of itself.

Compliment Her with your Heart

Compliment her with heartfelt words, at times OTHER than when you are initiating sex. I’m not saying that a few well-spoken words don’t make a woman feel more romantic. On the contrary, I’m talking about the crockpot theory. A brilliant marriage counselor once phrased it like this: When a man wants sex, he’s like a microwave. Plant the idea, and DING! He’s ready! But a woman is like a crockpot …. If you want to have her cooking at night, start the crockpot in the morning with a few well-chosen compliments and love words. If you do this every day, she’ll know that it comes from your heart, and not from a … errr…. lower region. Compliments should always come from the heart, see above under sincerity. And that isn’t to say they have no place in lovemaking – on the contrary, mutual respect and compliments are critical to a healthy self-esteem and libido. Just make sure that you are not limiting your compliments to times when you want sex, otherwise they may be discounted.

Compliment Her with a Hug

One of the most meaningful ways to deliver a compliment is when you are holding your partner in your arms, looking in their eyes, and sharing your thoughts with them. This lets them know you are sincere, and tells them that this is from your heart.

 

Give it a Try! You can do it!

Follow these steps and see if your relationship improves. I challenge you to give your wife (or partner) one sincere, heartfelt compliment each day for a week. Use the suggestions above, and post your own. Tell me what means the most to you. And most importantly, follow your heart. If you love her, let her know. She needs to hear it.

[JoelandKathy]

bump

[ChooseLove]

how about

- a true desire to change abusive behaviors

- doing the things you say you are going to do without having to be reminded a couple days later

- gift giving is good when its sincere from the heart and not just something someone else told him to do. Thought-filled gifts are important anyone can go to Walmart and buy something...maybe homemade?

- taking pride in possessions (material and personal) God has GIVEN you.

- genuine desire to spend quality time with children

- making happy memories

- having moral integrity and being completely honest

- cooking dinner together

- make all holiday's special

- doing tasks that he KNOWS are difficult and are undesirable to me

- don't delegate undesirable "jobs" to the kids. instead be an example by coming along side of them and working together.

- consistent bible studies

- coffee in bed

- help straighten up before being asked...consistently not only when you are trying to prove something

 

that's enough for now!

 

Great stuff.  Thanks for sharing, particularly for the men working to win their wives hearts back.