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Firewalker, I appreciate you stepping in and offerring guidance to not only me but to Hope. Gaininghope and Jeff, thank you sooo much. You worked closely with us, in order to begin the healing process for us both. Of course this begins with confession, truthful confession. I worked through a mental list of things I had kept secret from her... looking through the SI swimsuit issue and MAXUM magazines and stores and open lusting are a few. These all led to the decision for me to partake in what I did. I also worked on clarification of that 4 week period. Yesterday, I spoke of a few more hidden things. Today after reading your post and having prayed a few times that God would review more things to me, I immediately went over to her and began to share.


We talked most all day today about clarification and these secrets. I answered everything truthfully with as much detail as she asked. Turns out at any time when she had felt uncomfortable or as though she should question me was when something had actually occurred. It could be right out lusting, temptation to lust, or something I had done. She had a sense something was wrong.


So, we are working through this. I have 3 rules to follow. They are:


1. No masturbation

2. No porn

3. No second glances at another woman


If I choose to break one, then Hope will be directed to divorce me, and leave me for good, without any possibility for reconciliation. Well I have a new presepective on lust, that's for sure.


We will continue to work through this with God's help. Again, I really do welcome your comments and anyone ele's that want to step in with advice.

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You can do this...remember focus on you wife..what she needs, what she is feeling and what she wants from you....This is all good here....confession and telling the truth will bring the enemy to his feet! No more hiding in the darkness...Now while you are learning a new way to life and one that hopefully you will continue for the rest of your life...step into the word of God...Read your Bible, do your daily devotions, pray pray pray! Only through God's strength can you do this....


Remember as well....L>O>V>E>....Listen, offer the apology, validate and embrace (when she will let you)..don't pressure her at all to respond...let her have some time to process all that you have said and confessed this weekend....she is hurting and needs to be able to express that....


I did hear that you were taking off from work for a couple of days...that was a great decision to make....making the time to focus on her and the family...Keep that going when you can...


Stay teachable here...you will learn more and more what to say and how to say it...what to do and what not to do...


Also..remember we asked you to do a few things this week....

Write out that letter and list of 100 things...read it to her...and let her add more if need (she probably will)..re-write the letter again with the new things added...


Read your books together for 10 minutes everyday (this is something we do anyway...not just for 1 week)


Watch the DVD"s..they will help so much!


Get on the group calls...Transparancy is your key here.....


if you get stuck...get online here and tell us what is going on....let's get this marriage restored!


I know that you love Hope..so I know that you are NOT going to break those 3 rules....so lets not dwell to much on that...don't allow that to stop you..but let it motivate you forwards....you can do ...remember that!



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631 - I am glad you were able to connect with Jeff and Heather. Something that is really powerful in destroying this addiction in you is to foucs your energy on loving Hope. Doing the basic things that we teach - 20 hugs/kisses/smiles per day, weekly gift on the same day every week, reading J&K's books 10 minutes per day, watching the dvds 1 hour a week (also just taking a weekend and watching all of them at one time) and then as you are able get to an intensive. Focussing on loving Hope will get your focus off of yourself. Loving Hope = life, focussing on self = death. Jesus will help you as you lay your life down for Hope and live with her in an understanding way, He will give you His life and love to give to her.


With His help you can do this and become the man Hope needs you to be.

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What are some ideas of things I can ask her?


How are you feeling today?


Is there anything you need from me right now?


How can I bless you?


Is there anything you need to tell me?


Would you like a ___ (back rub, foot massage, chocolate, cup of coffee?)


Would you like me to make dinner (or order out) tonight?


One of our biggest problems is that I break every promise I ever make to her.


That has to stop, and the only way to do that is for you to make a conscious evaluation of everything you do. Yes, it does matter if you break a promise, no matter how badly you've already screwed up for the day. When you are about to do anything, you need to run through a checklist in your brain, just like a pilot runs through a checklist before he takes off. It's just a couple of things - a) does this break a promise I've already made to Hope, and B) is this going to hurt her in any way. If the answer to either of the above is yes, then don't do it. Period.


You are very blessed that she's still with you and willing to give you another chance. Don't take that lightly, and don't throw it away by doing stupid things that are totally within your power to control.

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Here is a link for materials that will aid your recovery from addiction. They have many strategies and practical help in their books along with extremely powerful studies which are to bring a man into greater understanding of his sin, his cycle of addiction, the reasons for it, the steps out of it and developing intimacy real with God. Each book goes deeper into spiritual understanding. This is so far superior to Every Man's Battle" and the women's book ""Unintended Journey saved my sanity and brought such healing to my heart as well as well as understanding. You can order that for your wife if she is willing. Every Heart Restored is a joke and worthless for most women who pick it up. Trust me on this. I have facilitated groups for recovery from a husband's sexually compulsive behavior.




Please, do yourself a favor: order Operation Destiny - Tier 1 Boot Camp from this websites bookstore. This book and the others in the series have powerful and useful information for you. Instead of having an accountability partner in a recovery group, do the lessons, share your answers with your wife and have her sign as witness to the commitments that you make for changing your life and your walk of purity. You need complete transparency and accountability. Others will tell you that your wife cannot be your accountability partner. That's hogwash. Your wife is your accountability partner as God has ordained that you are one flesh. What hurts you, hurts her. She is more vested in you getting this right than anyone other than yourself. Work the program together and she will soon learn the full nature of your battle and know how to pray for you at each stage of the journey.


Of course, like anything, if a man chooses not to "work the program" by doing what he knows is right, nothing will make any difference.


The more you concentrate on healing your wife and serving her 24/7, the less you focus on you. The books are for you to aid you in your healing her heart, rebuilding trust and understanding why it was so easy for you to embrace your compulsive sin. The real work is selflessness and humility. So, do all the homework from Joel and Kathy. Read their books every day. Bathe you mind in the truth about marriage and then walk it out with your wife.

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Thanks Firewalker for the reply and passing on the information.


Lately, Hope has been sharing her hurts with me and I have been doing my best to listen, offer an apology, validate her feelings, and embrace. She shared that she feels better about the way I have listened and not gotten angry or defensive as I would have in the past. I thought I would have a hard time embracing, and honestly it was a push to do so, but I did do a little early on. As I sensed the resistance wasn't as strong as I thought it would be, I pushed in a little more. By following L.O.V.E, trying for my 20/20/20, and initiating intimacy, things are far better than I would have ever thought. We are able to discuss things without fighting. We brought this up just yesterday I believe, that we can get along even while talking about such hurtful things.


Just now, we discussed in length over the phone, that I had drank mutiple bottles of beer just one week ago. Just prior to everything being exposed and me coming clean with my sexual sins. This broke just one more promise to my wife; that I wouldn't drink while on the road. I use to do this to impress people, to fit in. Once before these actions lead me into a strip bar with the very associate I was drinking with last week. It drove home for my wife that I was only 1 week away from living in sin, breaking promises, disregarding her feelings, and making choices to hurt my wife. That she cannot trust me or love me. Not for along time. I did not fight this and reassured her that I was not asking her to believe, trust, or love me right now. That I could never ask her to do that.


We reviewed how hurtful I have been to her and just what kind of a man I have been our entire marriage. The only person that should have mattered in my life, my wife, was the only person that didn't matter. The only one I didn't care how she thought of me. The only person I didn't care to impress, or love, or honor.


So what is different about me this time? Well, for one, I am working with the Joel and Kathy ministry. I have finally made the concious decision that lust is NOT an option. I have always left that door open and figured since everyone around (besides my wife) said I would always have lust struggles, that I was destined to lust. I even told my wife it isn't if I lust, but when. I just told her that I wanted her to believe I was the man she really wanted me to be. So therefore I would tell her I didn't struggle with temptations and I didn't lust. By me hiding these struggles from everyone and not being transparent or accountable to my wife, I was trying to rebuild my marriage on a foundation of lies, deceitfulness, and sin. Things were doomed from the start. This time, I am starting off on the right foot, with the right mind, and the clear decision that my wife is #1 above me. I will treat her like God's daughter should be treated.


I am so happy to have another chance at this marriage. I know how fortunate , I am. Unbelievably I received grace once more. This is a miracle that I will see out to success. That we will someday have an outstanding marriage. I can hardly wait!

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Had some troubles the past 2 days. After 2 very awesome days, I slacked off and I wasn't initiating intimacy throughout the day and especially within the few hours before bed. This resulted in doubts and fears from Hope that I wasn't interested in her or that I had "done" something. Then I started the gift giving last night and, well, I blew it. I thought of every excuse why not to go get a more expensive and thoughtful gift, and as a result of my lame gift, I hurt Hope. It has been common for me to pick up coffee or a Dairy Queen ice cream "treat" for her on my way home to show her I was thinking about her. But now, since I already did something like that, I needed to step up and give her something that made her feel special. Well, let's just say my gift last night did NOT make her feel special. :oops: Time for a do-over! I started to feel last night like I was getting frustrated since I knew she was right, that I hadn't initiated like I KNOW I should be, and that my gift WAS lame. The frustration was toward me for failing her in this very important time but I think she may have felt some of the frustration was toward her. She showed a lot of hurt and she began to doubt making the decision to stick with the marriage. I felt a form of panic inside me.


She pointed out I was carrying a "poor me" attitude from hearing her hurt. I am glad she offers to point these things out. This is an attitude I did all the time in the recent past when poor me was hurt that she was hurt. We never argued or fought, but I did tense up. I had a couple instances last night where in the past I would have gone off and stewed and given her the silent treatment for being hurt. This time though I kept after her and didn't give up.


In the end, she was hurt by my lack of initiating intimacy, lack of showing her how special she was to me by buying a lame gift, and then me showing frustration. I hated that feeling. We ended the evening with me helping her finish cleaning the tub and she came in and read Livin' It and Lovin' It to me. We just finished Ch 7, Respect. Her reading to me was a very nice thing to do and it helped calm things down. We were able to get our minds off our earlier discussions and talk about the book. I think the evening ended neutral with her. She let me sleep in bed when I figured I'd be on the couch. Tonight is date night and I am not going to mess this one up!

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Hope, I'm sorry for getting defensive. Hearing all your hurts is important, and difficult for us both. I reached a point where I started to feel how it was affecting me, and not you. I didn't create that safe place for you to share and I am so terribly sorry. I know you are extremely hurt, and feel like you can never trust me again. And I would never ask that of you. Please forgive me for getting defensive tonight. I love you, even though I've never shown you.

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Well sounds like you are making some small steps here! Listen to your wife...which for some reason men really hate to do...but its necessary here! She has the marriage manual in her heart and she knows what she needs to feel loved and wanted...


You mentioned that you haven't initiated with her in the past few days...Remember what we said about that? When you are not initiating with your wife..you are rejecting her..which she feels in her heart and destroys her completely! You don't want to destroy...you want to breath life into her heart....


Here's a tip: Set your watch alarm (something tells me you might have one of thoes)...Set it for every hour or half hour to go off...and when it does...go over to your wife and give her a BIG kiss, hug and smile! If you are apart when that alarm goes off...CALL HER and do it over the phone....but to make sure you try hard to get as many in each and every day...Pursuring her makes her feel loved....


Gifts: these can be kind of tricky...which is why God says "live in knowledge with your wife"....So ask her what are some things (big and small) that she likes...learn all about what makes her happy...Yes it sounds silly and can take the "fun" out of it...but you have to practice before you get better at it....(for example: I would rather have wildflower or tulips versus roses if Jeff were to buy me flowers...Rose's don't mean as much to me..but something full of color does...Jeff likes knowing this...because now he can speak to my heart and gives me something that he knows I will like and he listened and learned to meet that need)...


You guys are going to get here....you are doing great so far....think about what life is going to be like in 6 months or even 3 years from now....Things are going to turn around fast with you two....You have a wife who wants to make this marriage work and is willing to meet you there and show you the way! Keep that focus on her!!!



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Listen to gaininghope, she knows what she's talking about. And..get on the call tonight. Ask Hope to join you on the call tonight. That is initiating healing and being proactive about your defensiveness. Stuff will come up for her after the call. Another brilliant opportunity to practice your L.O.V.E.:



O........Offer an apology

V.........Validate her feelings

E..........Embrace her (ONLY after she is obviously finished expressing her heart)

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Thanks everyone for all the help! As I mentioned on the call, three of the main things that I am not doing well with are: Initiating Intimacy, Flirting (with Hope), and getting defensive. Using the excuse that these things are not very natural for me in our relationship is not acceptable. Any tips in this area would be great. Nemo had some good ideas last night and I'd love to hear more. I feel stupid asking for ideas but I'm at a point where I need to be going all out, and I want Hope to feel that I am doing just that. I don't have time to deal with a trial and error attitude when it comes to this. If I can learn from others in these areas it would be awesome! If possible send flirting ideas in a PM so Hope doesn't "see them coming"! :)


The call last night was great. The more I discuss these things the better. I am going to start the calendar idea that Dory and Nemo did. This way I am able to share with Hope about my day in a proactive way, rather than her wondering and having to ask me. I love these types of ideas!


I look forward to hearing from everyone!

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Pray pray pray


When Jeff was just starting out and learning how to stop being defensive..he would have to pray ALOT! Each time he felt this coming up inside of him he would have to pray..Asking God to keep his mouth closed so that he could listen with his heart.


You're not going to "die" until you learn to stop being defensive here...Remember this...when you are defensive you are only trying to be "right"..would you rather be "right" or would you rather have a happy life?


Of course you want the happy life...so put that duck tape over your mouth and listen to the feelings behind the words your wife is sharing with you...Validate her feelings...LOVE her....


There is life on the other side and you can do it....

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During the call, I thought to send you this list that I made up (for the first couple of that evening's call) many months ago.




For ideas on romance, Largeone50 has some pretty good ideas on their anniversary string.



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Well, things haven't been that great for some time. I am really not meeting all the needs Hope has from me. We can talk on the phone or in person for all different lengths of time, and it seems nothing ever improves. I am listening to her hurts, doing my best to not get defensive (I believe I am doing pretty good at this, sometimes toss a small defense but give it up quickly and apologize), validate her feelings, and embrace her when I'm with her, but it seems her hurts are so deep my actions don't help. This all goes back to the fact that I had led our entire marriage and prior on a bed of lies. Also, we have been through this very thing before. My reassurance was followed by lies to cover my behind and make me look good. I held onto the lust and lies every time, and therefore gave the devil an opening to our marriage. So, this leaves us with absolutely no trust. Nothing even to build from. Every good intention is questioned (Rightfully). Looking for more ideas on how to express my real desire for Hope throughout the day at work. We communicate at least every couple hours, no more time than that passes. Some times we will be on the phone for hours during the day, but it seems no progress or improvement in Hope. By the time I get home, she is already upset from the day so when I try to initiate any 20/20/20's there is some apprehension and distance on her part. The hugging and kissing brings her pain and reminders of who I was just no long ago. I believe if I can keep things in "good" communication throughout the day that our evenings will be much better!


Another question, any advice on how to get people interested in this ministry who are against it. Wives are desperate and want him to get involved, yet he says no way. We are introducing this ministry to our church "home group" next Wednesday night and I know there will be at least a couple guys that through up red flags and say, "Nope, not for me". Thanks!

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but it seems her hurts are so deep my actions don't help.

It is really early in the process. You sound like you are looking for a quick fix. You spent years ruining this relationship, now it is tiime to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE getting it right. It will never go back to your old "normal" which was filled with your selfishness and sinful indulgence. If you don't get that early, you will be waiting to take a deep breath. Take that deep breath now, put your shoulder to the weight that you need to push towards the goal of healing and "GIT IR DONE".

I believe if I can keep things in "good" communication throughout the day that our evenings will be much better!

Maybe not. You....doing the right thing......over time......will bring greater relief and peace for your wife and will begin the process of rebuilding trust. Until you have a substantial track record, really man, you are not trustworthy. She knows this, and in your humility you need to embrace this, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fall prey to sexual sin again.


As far as "converting" others, This is a quest for Christlike husbands, to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. He loved us first, so we respond positively to His love and sacrifice. He was the model for marriage and you want to encourage men to take their calling to Christlike agape love and behavior very seriously and fulfill what God commands them to as believers and followers of Christ. This ministry concentrates on men getting their roles right, and teaching women how to be a help-meet which supports her husband with praise when he is getting it right, and points to those areas that she sees are missing the mark. If a man is not Christlike at home, he is not going to be Christlike towards others. He will be just putting on a show. Just like you were. A Facade, not a true man of character or a person of substance. No smoke and mirrors, just rigorous attention to being a Doer of the word of God, first with your wife, and then beyond. Confess to other men that you didn't take Christlike seriously and you did substantial damage through the accumulation of all the little selfishnesses that created an entitlement that led to an atmospere of entitlement and self-focus and led to ever increasingly selfish choices.


Here is a link to a pastor who is teaching men the same thing as this ministry: be consistently Christlike, whether it is convenient to sacrifice or not. (Hmm, maybe that why they call it sacrifice.)


Watch this video with your wife. You will see how there are other men who are also calling men to step up and fulfill their calling in marriage. This is not just one ministry with a "new" perspective. It is return to the truth. Live the truth. Die to self. Love endlessly with the power of the Spirit.That's not rocket science, it's just a difficult process to nail your flesh on the cross daily or all the day long.


Looking for more ideas on how to express my real desire for Hope throughout the day at work.
In a peaceful open moment, when your wife is receptive, as her what speaks love and caring and concern to her heart. You cannot prove you are worthy of her love. Be worthy of her love and she will respond. You are not called to convince her of anything in order to get her healed. Do right by her 24/7 and she will naturally embrace the healing.

Be consistent, be consistent, oh and by the way, be consistent in doing the right thing. That is what is called for. Shut your mouth unless you are purposely speaking life and healing and support. Nothing else will suffice at this point in your marriage.

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Thanks Firewalker. I think that at the beginning of this a couple weeks ago Hope's responses to me were a little more warm and I am looking for that again. I know though that she has found out the truth about things more now than she knew at that very point, and this has created the more distant Hope. I know I was faking the Christlike man to her for 10 years of our relationship. I know I absolutely crushed her and killed her spirit, and anything that even could resemble a loving relationship. I own what I did. Guess that sometimes I am expecting a certain response from her and then I get something different. (Thinking about how it affects me, selfish). All the hurt she continues to share is good. I told her last night that it helps her to talk about it and it helps me to hear it. To really think about just how bad I was and all the decisions that I made that were for me. That I completely tossed out her feelings and even the Holy Spirit's direction. Now I am trying to make things right, but I know it will take a very very long time to heal the wounds I caused in Hope. I wish I could take them on myself and lift the burden of me from her shoulders.


I gave her a gift last night, some earings that she makes look absolutely beautiful. She told me the other night I had only told her she was pretty once in our marriage. I can't believe it! I thought it all the time, but she never heard it from me. She is stunningly beautiful. I have a new monitor at my office and her picture is on it all the time. I work off my laptop screen so I can see her beautiful smile while I work. Tonight we have a date; dinner at McGrath's Seafood so she can have crab, then off to Hope Depot to pick out some stepping stones she's been wanting to get, and then a movie at home. I am working on the movie right now. Movies are difficult since my background creates so much insecurities when it comes to movies.


Does anyone have any good wholesome movies they can recommend?!

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Guess that sometimes I am expecting a certain response from her and then I get something different.


Lots of guys get themselves in trouble here. You have to expect nothing. Consider yourself fortunate that she is willing to talk to you at all, and don't try to predict her responses. Just concentrate on responding appropriately to whatever she does say or do.


Try not to get impatient - this is a marathon, not a sprint.

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Yes, excellent point. I cannot expect anything. Thanks for the reminder here. I feel like I'm the responder much of the time, when I know I'm suppose to be the initiator. I guess I'm an initiator in that I can see when she is feeling down and I ask her to tell me what she's thinking. Then feel like a responder in just listening to her hurts. Just need to be consistent as Firewalker pointed out, working on healing the hurts I have created. Trying to create that safe place for her to come and share.


Much of what is going on now is that this ministry teaches Hope to be my helpmeet. Well, she tried and tried and tried to be just that for me, for a very long time. I just ignored her and did what I wanted. I looked at her as nagging . Now, that all these new wounds have been caused by me, the ministry is telling her to do everything she has been doing for most of our marriage. She's tired. Beat up. Worn down. She doesn't have it in her to "give" any more. I can't blame her one bit. Had I taken her up on all she was offering me as a helpmeet, things would be so much different. I need to apologize for not standing up for her on the call Monday when she had mentioned it was a struggle being my helpmeet. It because she has already done that for me. I'm sorry Hope for not speaking up during the call and mentioning you had been the best helpmeet I could have ever asked for, but that I refused your help.

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I don't know what else to add right now, that Looney hasn't addressed...Perfect wisdom right now...


As for Hope being your helpmeet and being tired....we all understand this and have all been there as well....so what do you need to do..


1. THINK of the things she's been asking of you over all the years of your marriage...Write them out...so that you have them in front of you and start working on those things... You called it "nagging" even though you now have a new outlook on that word (she is not really nagging you, she was bring your helpmeet all these years)...what has she "nagged" you about...those are the things to start working on...Light bulb moment for you there!


2. There are no quick fixes here, its going to take time and yes you are going to make mistakes. You learn though thoes mistakes and learn not to do them...You have to move your feet here....and do something...expecting NOTHING in return....


I was thinking the other night and again today about something both of you have mentioned..I think even Dory and Nemo have spoken to you both about this as well...You mentioned that you have or are in a men's accountability group and that these men have told you that you will fall from time to time or stumble from time to time...This has me worried here...because that is NOT our message...nor do we believe this at all.. I would like you to think about this, pray about it as well, and check your spirit here. If someone is telling you these things...that give you a feeling of a "free pass" to stumble..which is not acceptable at all. To stumble is a decision you make at any point on this journey to freedom...Its a pure choice at all times...You make the choice here...the choice to live or die...the choice to sin or not sin. I pray that you are making the right choice at this moment in time and will continue to make the right choice for the rest of your life...I would suggest that you get away from this accountability group. Maybe take a break from them and put your full focus and accountability on your wife.



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Good points gaininghope! Thanks for this. I will think back on all those things and make a list. I will expect nothing in return. May I find ways to bless her every day!


Regarding the accountability group, no, I have not made the decision that slipping and stumbling is ok. I now know that I CAN do this, and that being accountable to my wife is the only thing that is important. I actually view this group (meet every other week) as an opportunity to share this ministry. They are all in our home group where we will be starting the Joel and Kathy DVD series and books soon! This is my chance to discuss things with them, just us men, regarding the ministry. It is no longer an accountability group (for me).

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Hope appears to have fallen into a depression and I'm not sure how to help her.


Reason: my past and more recent Porn addiction (adultery), lies, manipulation, and on and on and on. Recently, some of it stems from me not discussing what we were going to be doing this holiday weekend, but rather me making the decision that we were going to go to my brothers to celebrate his and my dad's birthdays. This would have been an overnight trip. She had said earlier she wasn't sure if she wanted to go, that it all depended on how things were with us. Things had "appeared" to be good so I told my brother we'd be coming unless something came up. Problem, I never actually sat down with Hope and asked, "Do you feel comfortable going?". Or "Do you want to do something else?"


I also had a friend of ours from church volunteer to come down and do some dozer work on a large horse arena construction project. I told Hope we would need to spend time marking out territories for him to work and where to install a driveway. While I was thinking this was awesome and a blessing from the Lord that he would offer to help us, I never discussed it with Hope first. Just told her it was going to happen in one week and assumed that she would be excited. Turns out there wasn't time for us to prepare for him to arrive. This caused lots of stress on Hope. We have had this happen at the start of this project, lots of stress. What I have learned is that everything needs to be reviewed with Hope, even if I think there won't be any issues, I cannot be making assumptions. This makes Hope feel like her opinions don't matter, that she has no say in things, and adds unnecessary stress to our current situation.


Another issue is me breaking little promises. These are opportunities for her to begin to trust again. That if I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Example, this morning I was out early working on the arena prior to our friend arriving with the dozer. I told Hope I'd be back in by 8:30 to help get the kids ready prior to him arriving at 9am. It was pouring rain so at 8:30 my friend and I decided to delay the project until afternoon. I emailed Hope and told her there was a rain delay, figuring she'd still be sleeping, while I kept working. I was going to call her but didn't think she had set an alarm and was just waiting for me to show up and wake her at 8:30. She checks her email first thing when she wakes up. Well, turns out she was up at 7:30 and everyone was waiting for me at 8:30. I didn't show. She had already checked her email but much earlier. At 9:30, she read my email and sent me a note letting me know she just got it and had been waiting for me. I immediately ran in. Broken promise: I should have walked in the door at 8:30 to at least check on them as I had promised. Instead, I made an assumption they'd sleep in and when they woke she'd immediately see my email and tell me they were up.


Hope is sick of hearing apologies from me. To her, I'd rather do what I want and then apologize after. Such as making the decision to look at porn. What can I do to help the current situation? My words mean nothing to her. Just actions can make the difference, of which I have not been cutting it. So until more actions are available, what can I do now?

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