HisSon Posted December 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2013 The following is a post that HD . . . remember, I told you to read their thread . . . wrote early on in their journey. No, I don't remember for sure which thread that was, you have mentioned several. Is it “The Donkey & The DeLorean (Eeyore & HerDensity)”? If so, I have started to read it but haven't finished it yet, as you said, it is long and I am a slow, low comprehension reader. I will attempt to spend more time reading and understanding it. I see, as I expected, my wife has had much to say about the last few days around here. I don't intend to go into detail here as I won't remember it all and everything will be different from my perspective. Her perspective is more important than mine anyway . It was just like normal, I make a few mistakes then it escalates from there to the point that no one understands where the other one is coming from. At that point it feels to me like she “expects” specific responses from me. It doesn't matter what I say or do she takes it the way she expects. At this point I need to become a piece of furniture and avoid any interaction . I know it isn't what she (or our relationship) needs but it smooths things over and allows us to get back into a more level mood. Yes, she can be moody (even tho she may deny it) but I need to learn how to “go with the flow”, and respond properly, regardless of how she is affecting me . As far as not having any questions at a specific time. You may need to get used to it. M y thoughts don't always come together in a way I can put them on paper so they can be understood. I have had many bad experiences with being misunderstood It is much better to get it right the first time than try to correct misunderstandings later! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted December 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2013 I guess I didn't really have any questions here, but feel free to respond to any points you feel to!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 The Man of Her Dreams The Women of His: page 157 “If Joel is in the bedroom and I have to change clothes, do you think that I change in the bathroom? No way!” “Some wives we have met were shy about disrobing in front of their husband. That is just not right! Part of the reason he married you was to get to see you in various states of dress or undress!” We were reading this tonight and I had to skip this part, because I could not believe Kathy was saying this about something that I thought was so universally repulsive among wives. I was under the impression that most wives didn't like their husbands watching them undress. Maybe my information was wrong. What gives here? My wife will undress in the same room where I am if she knows I am not watching, but then she usually turns her back and does it as quickly as possible. Of course she doesn't care in the least whether I like what she wears or not, my complements about her appearance falls on deaf ears. Maybe someone could help me out in understanding this part in the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thank you for posting. It gives us hope that more men will give in and learn how to love their wives (so that their wives can feel free to learn how to love them back). Do you have any idea why your wife does not feel emotionally safe undressing in front of you? Have you ever found fault in any way with her appearance? All a wife longs for is to feel accepted and welcomed, and of course, LOVED, by her own husband in every department of life. Every snide remark or look of disgust from her husband is one more knife wound to a wife's innermost being. It affects EVERYTHING! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Do you have any idea why your wife does not feel emotionally safe undressing in front of you? Have you ever found fault in any way with her appearance? I am sure I have said things that have made her feel bad about her appearance in the past , but as I have learned how she responds to things, I try to be very careful what I say, because I know she takes things far differently than how I mean them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 So, maybe you need to sincerely apologize for causing her to feel unacceptable to you. Tell her you are making it your life's mission to make her FEEL loved by you!Look into her eyes and say these words to your wife -- I. LOVE. YOU. If she doesn't seem to believe it, remember your life's mission! That is a husband's command from God Himself -- LOVE YOUR WIFE! He didn't say, only if she reacts to you the way that makes you feel comfortable.She will. After you consistently initiate loving words and actions for her to respond warmly to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles from Cali Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Hi there... I'm a guy I will take a random shot in the dark and guess that your wife thinks you view porn.. A woman will never feel comfortable in her own skin when her husband chooses fantasy over reality... But.... I could be wrong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Charles from Cali "I will take a random shot in the dark and guess that your wife thinks you view porn.." Thanks, That used to be a problem for me and I still have a battle with all the advertising, etc. All my family watches “Dancing With the Stars”, when ever it is on. My wife started getting upset when I watched it with them (you know, a family thing) so I quit watching. It is a contention between us sometimes, because it is OK for all the rest of the family, including our twin 16 year olds, (1 boy, 1 girl) but not me (according to her). I think some of the moves and lack of clothing is too suggestive for anyone but none of the rest of the family thinks so including my wife. Maybe you have some suggestions for getting rid of it. I know Joel and Kathy say that the man isn't head in the way that he “sets his foot down” when he sees something his wife is doing that he thinks is bad for her or the family, but what to do when they don't agree? Do I just refrain, myself',and expect the rest of the family to follow? It hasn't worked in about two years. Supposedly the sexually suggestive moves don't bother my wife and daughters, but I don't believe it. We (women and men) are sexual beings, God made us that way, and those dances are portraying only one thing, SEX! The only TV we have is a set of rabbit ears. But there is a lot of good programing that we can get. My wife is posting on “Ministry to that wife whose husband is working to win her heart back” as “still on the journey”. I don't know, maybe if it is an issue, someone else speaking to her about it would help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 My oh my oh my! You sure have a real handle on what's "wrong" with your wife! Your marriage is going to go nowhere fast at this rate! You had better call on The Lord and ask Him to open your eyes to see your wife as HE does. The time is NOW to get this marriage turned around! Keep reading with the aim of learning what YOU need to do. Don't worry about your wife. God will look after her just fine. Keep posting too! Give your wife and family a Merry Christmas -- by having a friendly attitude toward them at all times! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles from Cali Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 (edited) If porn WAS a problem.. it still effected your wife..your wife was still scarred... Just because you're over it. She's not.. And your idea of throwing your family in a cave so no one can see TV is unrealistic... It's your job to love the hurt away and if your wife is offended by you viewing dancing with the stars...REGARDLESS of how you want to describe it.... Your wife's pain and memories are real.... Let's just say your son was watching the show and made suggestive comments.... What does ANY of his actions have anything to do with you and your marriage.... ???It's cool... I understand how denial works... But my man... Your porn has forever effected your wife and until your ownership of her pain and your love for her overshadows her doubts of you being a real man... You will continually use this forum to share everyone else's problems in your home....If and when you heal your wife..... She will have no problem at all watching that show with you.. Or any other show....Trust that !!!! Edited December 23, 2013 by Charles from Cali Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Please don't post on your wife's thread. You can read it, because you need to understand her heart, but she needs a safe place to post where you won't jump in and tell everyone what a good boy you're being, like you did here ~ The chocolate is a good idea, Did she mention that I give her some periodically? In fact just a few days ago, she makes it last nearly for ever. That screams Look at me! I'm being good! and tells us loud and clear that your heart is not in the right place. It was just like normal, I make a few mistakes then it escalates from there to the point that no one understands where the other one is coming from. At that point it feels to me like she “expects” specific responses from me. It doesn't matter what I say or do she takes it the way she expects. No, she takes it the way you are saying it. If she takes it some other way than what YOU expect, you are not coming across the way you think you are. There is a disconnect between your thoughts and your behavior. That's not her responsibility. It's yours. You are commanded to live with your wife in understanding. She is not commanded to do the same for you. So the responsibility lies with you to first understand where she is coming from. As you initiate love and life into the conversation, she will respond by then making an effort to understand where you're coming from. none of the rest of the family thinks so including my wife. Maybe you have some suggestions for getting rid of it.maybe if it is an issue, someone else speaking to her about it would help. When you are being a Christlike husband, we will, if necessary, talk to your wife about any issues she has. But until you are consistently loving her - and mind you, I didn't say perfectly, I said consistently - stop focusing on what you think is wrong with her. Almost everything she does is in response to the way you have treated her over the years. Your porn has forever effected your wife and until your ownership of her pain and your love for her overshadows her doubts of you being a real man... Yup. This is similar to you hitting her hard enough to shatter her leg and leave her with a permanent limp, and then complaining because she can't walk well. I really am not trying to beat you up here. You simply don't seem to understand how your behavior has affected your wife over the years. I get the impression that you don't think you're that bad - maybe there are a few things you need to tweak, but overall you're a pretty good guy, and your wife is simply being too picky and demanding. Until you realize that you ARE that bad, and that you have been incredibly abusive to your wife for most of your marriage, you are not going to get anywhere. What is your relationship with Christ like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
For Him For Her Posted December 30, 2013 Report Share Posted December 30, 2013 HisSon, You said you want input from men. I am a man. I am a man who has walked this journey for over 6 years now. I have a Mens ministry in Atlanta and I have been helping here as well. I am going to tell you up front that I will help you and walk with you as far as you want to go on this journey but I do not hold back when I feel something needs to be seen by you. I tend to rub some men raw in the beginning but as time passes they see I only do and say things I know will help them become a better man,a better husband and a Christlike man. So when I say something that hits a nerve, remember I am on your side. I have two questions. I will ask one now and one later. Why are you here on this forum? God BlessDavid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted January 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 I'm back! I hope you all didn't give up on me! We went on a trip/vacation to see our distant (miles, we drove about 4000) family. We went to Minnesota (daughter, her husband & granddaughter), Wisconsin (daughter, her husband, grandson & granddaughter) Indiana (My wife's mother & sister), Kansas (My mother, sister & brother & his family, also the graves of our 2 sons & my dad), and all states in between. we live in western Colorado. God blessed us with a good trip, tho we did get into bad weather a couple of times and it was cold in Minnesota & Wisconsin We left home the Friday after Christmas and got home Saturday Jan. 18. #37 I have two questions. I will ask one now and one later.Why are you here on this forum? At first it was mostly because my wife wanted me to become involved, but I knew I needed it to get me going . I tend to procrastinate, so I wasn't changing to be what she needed me to be. I am also needing to be less self centered and Christ-like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 When you are being a Christlike husband, we will, if necessary, talk to your wife about any issues she has. But until you are consistently loving her - and mind you, I didn't say perfectly, I said consistently - stop focusing on what you think is wrong with her. Almost everything she does is in response to the way you have treated her over the years. So true LT. I was stuck in that place for a couple months until I found this ministry. It is amazing when you finally decide to love as Christ loves the church. He loves us where we are at, not waiting for us to change our ways first. Everyday is a choice to love. I am grateful I still have the opportunity to win my wife's heart back. I am not fixated on her issues, but more about what I have done to hurt, abuse and neglect her for YEARS. I have a strong desire to understand those hurts as well as her needs and desires today. Choose to love your wife where she is - give up your selfish ways and hold nothing back HisSon. Once you make that decision and move in that direction you will be better off for it and so will your wife. I invite you to join the Men's call as well. It is very helpful to me as I see areas of immaturity and ways I need to grow up. Call Joel and he can get you set-up, it is just $100 a month and well worth it. I also recommend getting on the couples calls as well. Read the books - over and over in addition to Ken Nair's Discovering the Mind of the Woman. These resources help me every day. You need to take action everyday if you want to become more Christlike and win your wife's heart back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted January 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Stillblessed #62: And then...the day after we got home, it was back to 'normal'. I don't know what was going on, but I felt things getting “back to normal” before we ever got home.It seemed like the closer home we got the more I felt it. Maybe it was her fear of what would happen when we got home but it seemed like she was closing down toward me, possibly just my imagination. I don't know what I did or said, if anything that caused these feelings in her. I didn't say a word about it to her, just felt something. Stillblessed #62: He got the first thing on the list done (maybe took 15 minutes max), and when I got home at 5:00 he was just beginning another item on the list, a job that took the rest of the evening. My first thought was, “she wasn't here”. I wanted to defend myself before all of you. But then I changed my mind. I realized, that didn't matter. What mattered was how the whole thing made her feel. I know she feels that I don't do as much around here as I could. As I have said before (this is No excuse) I tend to be a perfectionist, (very detail oriented). Also I am easily sidetracked, for example, as I am doing a job, I may come across something else that needs done and will go to that (We call rabbit trailing) and not get back to the original job for a while. Could that be a touch of ADD? Yes, I know I have a touch of it but it is overratted, and in most casses we older ones learned to deal with it, out of necessity. So there again this is NO excuse. I am trying to remember that I need to dwell more on how things make my wife feel, rather than how my selfish desires are telling me to react. I am reminded of something Ken Neir says, I must learn to respond in a Christ-like way, not just react out of my self (may not be quoted exactly). I have trouble getting self out of the way and not point out her faults. My flesh keeps wanting me to tell her the things she does that hurt me and to point out her wrongs. She reminds me that I need to focas on her needs, which is right. I hope she can keep doing that. Maybe sometime I will be able to remember, without her reminding me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted January 27, 2014 Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 I have trouble getting self out of the way and not point out her faults. My flesh keeps wanting me to tell her the things she does that hurt me and to point out her wrongs. She reminds me that I need to focas on her needs, which is right. I hope she can keep doing that. Maybe sometime I will be able to remember, without her reminding me. Read below... what God showed me yesterday. Your problem isn't in remembering what to do or not do. Your problem is in believing and accepting what God did for you through Jesus' sacrifice and how He calls you to do the same for your wife.. with HIS power of course! New revelation, old story.. finally got it! Just as God instituted covenant of protection and provision with Adam and Eve by sacrificing innocent animals to provide them tunics of skin- as opposed to their self-efforts with fig leaves... Just as by doing this, he was foreshadowing Jesus and His sacrifice.. Just as marriage is a picture of Jesus and the Church.. the husband has to sacrifice his life ... to effect the covenant of marriage if he wants to be that picture of Christ and the Church. Sacrifice of the innocent is not an option. it's a requirement! SO.... even if the wife is falling short, getting angry etc... the husband can cover her in love and protection by sacrificially laying down his feelings, opinions etc.. to bring her into the blessings of the Covenant. WHEN he does that with a right motive.. she will almost always respond in love and repentance because that's the way she is wired! without a man who is in right relationship to God... without a man who is willing to sacrifice.. there can be no Christian covenant of marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted January 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2014 Read below... what God showed me yesterday. Your problem isn't in remembering what to do or not do. Your problem is in believing and accepting what God did for you through Jesus' sacrifice and how He calls you to do the same for your wife.. with HIS power of course! 4evrHZdtr3, Thanks, I know this is what I need, (Hence the name of my thread, “seek ye first the kingdom of God”) but getting that from head knowledge to heart knowledge is the hard, scary part. It takes me way out of my comfort zone and into the realm of pure faith, Not one of my strongest points. Thanks for the incite, it is really good, just what I needed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted February 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 "Still on the journey #65": I've got an idea! Why don't you listen in in the call tonight -- 9 pm Eastern? You wouldn't have to say a word. "Still on the journey #67": You AND hubby need to be on them nightly for a few weeks, then three times a week for a month or so, then a minimum of two nights for a few more months and when things are going GREAT, cut it down to once a week. 9 pm Eastern time is 7 pm Mountain time . I didn't get home until around that time tonight. Many evenings it is later than that, and I sometimes don't know when I will get home until late in the afternoon if then. I don't normally make plans to do anything in the evenings for this reason . Before I get to work in the mornings I don't know if I will be delivering across the road or 250 miles away. I am not saying this as an excuse, just explaining a little about our life . Too bad we have to work at jobs that have different requirements than other people do. I would like a change, but the Lord hasn't opened any doors that we have seen, also, maybe He has me where I am for a reason. My wife could get on the calls but I may not be available on a given evening and as it gets on toward summer, it will probably get more unpredictable . I don't really have much to say, I think my wife said it all. I don't plan on giving my perspective on what she said, that would just be defending my SELF! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Your wife wrote from her perspective. How would you say she is feeling based on her description of your attitude toward her and your marriage? (Ie. complaining, grumbling, quarrelsome) Do you think she feels loved and cared for by you, her own husband? No matter what time you get home from work, you could show your wife how much you love her and want to save your relationship, by dialling up the conference call. It may still be going on and you could listen in for awhile. You might even receive some encouragement for your own marriage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 No matter what time you get home from work, you could show your wife how much you love her and want to save your relationship, by dialling up the conference call. It may still be going on and you could listen in for awhile. You might even receive some encouragement for your own marriage! Indeed MaryJane. Often the calls run 2-3 hours and just calling in and listening for a bit helps. I have found that there are moments where individuals get help as well including myself when there are no couples ready to speak up. Make every effort to get on as many calls as you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted February 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2014 Still on the Journey #66: We suggest that people use stage names for the forum so their neighbors won't find them with a google search.. and read about your dirty laundry! Still on the Journey #66: I've got an idea! Why don't you listen in in the call tonight -- 9 pm Eastern? You wouldn't have to say a word. 1 (443) 453-0034 Access code: 544475 How do I connect a person I hear on the phone calls to a person on this blog? Sometimes they will use real names on the calls. Is this good? Could other people listening figure out the "stage names" on the blog? These Blogs are open for anyone to read, tho they can't respond unless they "sign in", which is a simple process. I guess I am concerned about security here! Still on the Journey #67: You AND hubby need to be...Should we be together on this if possible, or does it matter? I understand if a couple is separated this may not be possible. Tonight we listened in on the call. We were in the same room and just after we figured out how to get on, one of our daughters asked my wife a question, it distracted her, she didn't seem to mind but I lost my concentration and went to our bedroom for the rest of the time I listened. My wife allows the kids to “butt” in on our conversations a lot and it upsets me, like I am of less importance than they are. I could understand it if they were still 2, but, 21 and 16? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted February 7, 2014 Report Share Posted February 7, 2014 We leave it up to the individual to decide what name they would like to use on the calls and/or forum. I'm Cindy - I run the Monday call with Tim, who uses his real name here on the forum as well. When I joined the forum there were several Cindys, so I chose something else that would be remembered. I personally don't care if people know my name. If you want to speak up on a call, you may use any name you wish. If your name is really Joe, you can tell us your name is Bill and we won't know the difference. There is no way anyone would recognize you from your username unless you also use that name in other places. Requiring people to register before reading doesn't add any security since, as you've already pointed out, registering is a simple process. So the real question is . . . why are you so worried that complete strangers who can't possibly identify you will read your posts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted February 9, 2014 Report Share Posted February 9, 2014 A few minutes ago you told me, rather unpleasantly, to tell 'them' on the forum that if they have something to say to you, to put it on your thread, not on mine. Certainly. Sit down. You are not going to like this. You have undoubtedly had things happen in your past that were unpleasant. The people in your world did not teach you to grow up, to have healthy boundaries, and to have healthy relationships. They did not teach you to be honest and up front about what you need. Instead, they taught you to fear. They taught you that it's not safe to have emotions or to ask for what you want. They taught you to manipulate others to get your needs met. They short circuited a crucial piece of your development and left you an emotional toddler. The end result is that you developed one very particular core belief. You believe that you are entitled to have others meet your needs, and you are justified in punishing them if they don't. That's why you didn't get anywhere in 5 years with Ken Nair. You never addressed that core belief. You simply tried to change surface behaviors, and it didn't stick because you didn't deal with the root cause. You are a child of God. You have worth just because He created you. There is nothing you can do, or not do, to make Him love you less. However, He wants you to behave in a way that honors Him. He has given you the capacity to treat others with respect and to love your wife as Christ loved the church. You are choosing not to do that. Instead, you are choosing to think only of yourself, to view the events in your world from only your perspective, to manipulate people to get what you want, and to punish anyone - especially your wife - who doesn't meet your needs. It doesn't have to be that way. We can teach you how to change it. We have successfully helped many men - men who behaved just like you - to change it. But you have to decide that you want to change, and then you actually have to do the work to make it happen. If you decide you want to change, then start by doing this - stop acting like a 2 year old every time someone says something you don't like. Stop being so easily offfended, and stop keeping a record of every time someone has hurt your fragile ego. It's long past time to grow up. Now that you've read this, 1 of 2 things are going to happen. You are either going to get angry with me and start slamming around the house, yelling at your wife about this lousy ministry and how we don't know you and you're not like everyone else, or you are going to realize that what I'm saying is true. If you have the first reaction, then I sincerely doubt your willingness to change. If you have the second reaction, then maybe we'll get somewhere. The ball's in your court. What are you going to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
For Him For Her Posted February 9, 2014 Report Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) HisSon, I went back and read your entire thread. There is one overwhelming theme going on here. You are an intelligent fella but you are not the smartest person in the room this time. This kind of learning can not be filtered through your brain. It has to be filtered through your heart. You live in your head ALL the time. People who live in their head ALL the time, have a harder time connecting with their hearts and with others. Now if you add in some childhood trauma and you have the mess that is you. I understand this better than most because I use to be just like you. I am a melancholy in inclusion. This is what Looney eluded to earlier. To boil it down, melancholies are highly intelligent very distant people who spend so much time trying to answer all the questions before they act that they usually alienate most people in their lives. Our intelligence is a gift but if it is not shared properly, it is a waste. Now add in trauma. I was molested from the time I was 8 until around 16. Molestation is one of the most alienating traumas one can suffer because the shame and fearing of anyone finding out drives us deeper into yourself. This further causes the mental madness we already have from our temperament. When all this is working together, we lose connection with anyone outside of ourself. I could write a whole book on this one subject but I want to get you there faster. When my beautiful left me and I knew she wasn't coming back, I felt my true heart for the first time since the first time I was molested. And what did I feel? Pain. Usually at this point , I could do whatever necessary to push it back down to protect myself but I didn't. Do you know why? I chose not to. I was tired of the whirlwind life I was causing Others to live. Everywhere I looked was destruction. Destruction I alone caused. When I found this ministry, I made a decision. I promised God, Joel and myself that I would do whatever I had to do to walk this out no matter how much pain I had to endure. As a melancholy and you should understand this very well, once I decide to do something nothing or no one can get in my way. For the first time in my life, I made a decision that was for someone else. From that day until now, I have allowed my heart to open and stay open. By allowing it to stay open, it was able to learn. My heart became the filter instead of mind. I still spend a lot of time in my head but it is my heart that makes the final decisions in my life. Jesus Christ was able to do what He did because He filtered everything through His heart and the heart of the Father. This where you need to really think about where you are and where you want to go. Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane to decide if He would go through with his path to the cross. He could have chose no but He chose yes. Why did He choose yes? Because He knew the love of the Father could overcome everything. He wanted this for you, me and every other person on this planet. How could a man who knew what was ahead of Him come to this decision? Because He stayed out of His head and lived inside His heart. If He could do this, so can we because the Bible tells us we can. So, all these words lead to one place, your garden. You can choose to live in your head and continue to destroy every person that is in your life or you can choose to be like Christ and live out of your heart. The mind leads to death and destruction. The heart only knows one thing, Love. Christ chose Love and I chose Love. Which one will you choose? God BlessDavid Edited February 9, 2014 by For Him For Her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisSon Posted February 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2014 For HIm For Her, The question is, "how do I move that distance from head to heart?". I know that feelings and emotions reside in the heart, but we can't live on them, we can't base responses and decisions completely on them. Ken Neir teaches that emotions are the voice of the human spirit. With that in mind we need to conclude that they need to be listened to. I am slowly learning to analyze why I feel the way I do and respond accordingly. Usually, if I look at the situation and think about it from what I know to be true and not how it makes me feel, I see things differently. For example, when I am asked a question like, “why did you do ____?” my feeling is that the person asking the question thinks I shouldn't have done it and the question is an accusation, that I am in the wrong. My first response when asked a question like this is to defend myself because I feel accused when I didn't (in my opinion) do anything wrong. This is why my wife feels that she can't ask me questions, she gets frustrated when I became defensive when she asked me a question. She is searching for information and I feel accused, therefor, I become very defensive This must have come from something in my childhood, I don't really Know. Now if you add in some childhood trauma and you have the mess that is you. I believe this to be true, I don't know if it is really important, but I can't pinpoint any “trauma” in my life that would be an issue here. As a melancholy and you should understand this very well, once I decide to do something nothing or no one can get in my way. I don't really relate to this, I guess I am more the kind to live day by day and let life happen, which is a very bad habit to get into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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