Newbie encouraged by your ministry

[son-worshipper]

They may want to be able to leave the new baby while they go to the intensive.

 

Our pastors planned to send the husband by himself, but now they're sending both.

 

The baby is having some heart problems that come & go; her obstetricians don't want her to travel now. She's due in September.

 

They want to move from her parent's house & get settled into their own home asap after the baby is born. They've been under court-ordered separation for many months.

 

*************************

 

H. decided to go shopping this evening instead of getting on the conference call. He has to spend his tool or boot allowance by tomorrow or he loses it. He did this on my birthday too. He's on night shift, so he had three hours before he had to be at work.

 

It's been very quiet today. I've been in silent mode.

[Tigger]

SW,

 

I would like to say I would like to hang your H up by his... let's just say his toenails.

 

I heard you on the call, you were so down, I just felt like weeping right along with you. I am praying for you and for "him" to turn this around. Ugh

 

Keep close to Jesus, and know that we are here for you.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[MaryJane]

I agree with Tigger! I heard your voice too.

 

I understand silent mode, completely! The silence will have to eventually be broken! I know you know that.

 

By the way, I read your great info to mommypunkin re the little unborn baby and just HAVE to send you this tidbit. http://www.ob-ultrasound.net/manning.html

He comes from our little country town! I know his mother! He spoke at our son's high school graduation ceremonies last year.

 

Felt like bragging, even though I had absolutely nothing to do with this man getting where he got! I've never met him.

 

I was told that he more or less invented in-utero surgery.

 

If those parents happened to want to get in touch with him, I would give you our real names and they could mention us to him. My husband grew up here. He knew him.

 

MaryJane

[son-worshipper]

H. is being very verbally & emotionally abusive...with no remorse. I see no conviction of sin in his life, and therefore no repentence or apologies to me.

 

I lost it yesterday. His plant is closing Oct. 31. We had a financial planning meeting yesterday. ("What to do with your 401K") It was very frustrating because I know little about what they're talking about and they were going fast. I stayed after the meeting and got the answers I needed, but H. kept telling me he understood everything, just let him explain it at home. He told me just to ask him my questions at home. I told him I can't come up with questions until I have an understanding of the topic.

 

He won't remember everything they covered! The company should have put the information in a handout so everyone could have the information. H. was annoyed or embarassed I asked the company representative for a printout of his slides, or for additional printed information (which he didn't have). This rep deals with these things daily, but I don't!

 

I have a difficult time processing new information by just hearing it. I need to see it, and highlight it, and reread it several times to understand. H. gets annoyed when I don't understand something immediately. He yells at me to try to make me to understand something.

 

I think he was embarassed that I was crying & yelling at him after the meeting yesterday. He just wanted to leave, but I refused loudly and asked questions until I understood the information.

 

I stayed away from home all day since I was so upset. While I was gone he asked my daughter what was wrong with me, and wanted to know if I'd said anything about a divorce.

 

We had another plant closure meeting this week ("What do do with your retirement account"). It was another frustrating meeting. The only information we received was a very thin handout with short sentences in legal language,. The meeting was 2 hours long and explained many options. They used unfamiliar abbreviations and terms. The meeting might as well have been presented in a foreign language!

 

H. has never made wise financial decisions, but he's got everything figured out. He refuses to stop using a credit card even though we can't pay our balnance each month.

 

He wants no input from me, and is not willing to listen to me concerning any of these financial considerations. We have to make the final decisions on everything by NEXT week. He's not consulted a financial advisor, but is plowing ahead without counsel...and certainly no godly counsel! I have to agree with his decisions and sign my name to the choices next week too! How frustrating.

 

We must determine what to do with our 401K, the retirement account, the severence pay, and unemployment. We're losing our dental insurance, but keep our health and vision insurance for 24 months. I guess the reality of losing his job is hitting me and he still hasn't bothered updating his resume or looking for a new job. He says he just wants to take some time off, but then he says he's just kidding. He doesn't act like he's kidding!

 

He's never stopped blaming me for everything. I'm sick of him and his stinking attitude.

 

I get zero affection from him. ...and he wonder's what is wrong??? Can he really be that clueless?

 

I asked him if he wanted a happy marriage last night. He wouldn't answer me. He'd only turn the question back to me and start blaming me for all of our difficulties. Whaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

No, I haven't had my birthday re-do. Nor did he ever finish hanging the bedroom curtains (since April???). We can't find one rod, but it could be replaced easily! It's probably hiding in the bedroom.

 

I need some consequences for him.

 

This past week H. didn't get on any calls or watch any of the DVDs. I listened to most of the calls this week. I thought Wednesday was Thursday and wondered why I didn't hear any women on the call that night. It finally dawned on me this was the MEN'S call. Ugh! I'm sorry about that guys. I hung up as soon as I realized it. Talk about feeling dumb!

 

Mary Jane, that was a very interesting article about the doctor from your town. Thank you for sending it. I'm anxiously waiting for an update on that baby.

[Eeyore]

Son-Worshipper,

 

I am so sorry for the way that your husband is treating you. I am wondering if you called Joel & Kathy to discuss what your next step is going to be. It is obvious that your husband is not going to step up unless he is forced to, and maybe not even after that. But you need to do what is right for you and your children. Keeping things the same is not healthy for any of you!!

 

Don't forget for a minute that you are a daughter of the KING!! He loves you and laid His life down for you. There is no reason for you to endure hurt and pain because your husband is choosing to live in complete selfishness.

 

I pray that you have the strength to take the steps needed at this point. Use your pain and fear as motivation to take the tough steps! You can do this!!!

[son-worshipper]

Eeyore, I left a message on Kathy's cell phone yesterday and sent a PM to Joel today. Gaining hope sent a message to J & K yesterday too, so it's a matter of time before I get a call.

 

H. is a very passive guy. He's not going to grow up unless forced. I've been nice & that hasn't worked. Ugh! ...time for me to have some growing pains.

[Eeyore]

I've been nice & that hasn't worked. Ugh! ...time for me to have some growing pains.

 

Yes, unfortunately, you are right! My hubby is very passive as well. I did not have to push things that far for him to "get it". But my hubby was also not physically and verbally abusive. It sounds more like your hubby is "comfortable" than passive. As long as he has his way, he is not going to change.

 

You have a tough job ahead of you, but I am proud of you for taking the steps to contact J&K. That is a great start!!

[Miss Jane Bennett]

I am glad, too, that you contacted J&K. It is time for something drastic, SW. Way past time.

 

I wrote Joel an email today, too, but it came back to me because his "box was full."

 

I did make a plan.

http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?p=50923#50923

[son-worshipper]

I haven't made contact with Joel or Kathy yet, but I have left one voice message and sent one PM.

 

H. got really mad at me. He started yelling in my face moments ago when I pointed my finger in his face and told him to be quiet & to stop yelling in my face. He is being verbally abusive, in my face yelling at me, and pulled his arm back to punch me. He won't talk to me unless he's yelling at me. He started waving his finger in my face practically touching my face. I told him to back off.

 

I grabbed the phone and he yanked it out of my hand.

 

Before that happened: He decided he isn't getting what he wants so it's time to "talk" to me. He asks me what I wants. I told him to start by apologizing for how he's acted the past two weeks. Apologize for what????? He said, "I'm sorry I called you names." (no emotion, hug or heartfelt anything) , then "I'm sorry...(for something else I don't remember right now)." OK, let's kiss and make up!

 

Oh, now he wants to "talk" again. I told him to call Joel...he tells me that's just a crutch. I reminded him his way has not worked, so try it my way if he wants to do something different.

 

He got mad at my oldest daughter and pushed her up the stairs. He's lucky she didn't hit him.

[son-worshipper]

Can my husband call somebody right NOW?

[son-worshipper]

Can my husband call somebody right NOW?

[bimmers3]

SW,

Has someone made contact?

Pls let me know.

Bimmers3

[Eeyore]

My hubby called him and God's Precious Princess and God's Mighty Warrior were on the phone with Son-Worshipper.

 

We are praying!!

[bimmers3]

Please let me know is she is ok.

(I also contacted gaininghope and Pure In Heart before you posted your reply)

I will be praying for you SW.

Love

Bimmers3

[son-worshipper]

Thank you all for your messages & encouragement. I appreciate it!

 

I talked to GPP and H. is now talking to GMS.

 

Eeyore's husband called while I was on the phone with GPP.

[Miss Jane Bennett]

SW, how did the conversations with Brian and Wen go? And what is happening as a result ... anything? Any plans for change, or remorse or understanding or willingness on Jusdewit's part? On the call tonight you must have hung up during our tug-of-war, since you all were going to be next and you didn't speak up.

 

Praying for you two. Please give a report!

 

Love,

Miss Jane

[MaryJane]

Oh God, intervene, we pray!

[son-worshipper]

Hi ladies,

 

Thanks for your prayers (and phone calls Miss Jane) yesterday. That means SO much!

 

H. calmed down. He never apologized, but humbly acted like he knew he was wrong. That was better than a lame apology with no attitude change.

 

He lit some candles for me when I took a bath last night.

He attempted to give affection (non-S touch and a couple kisses on the cheek/forehead), but I couldn't stomach it. I let him hold my hand a while in bed, but that's about it. I didn't return his kiss.

 

He crushes me like a petal dropped by a flowergirl at yesterday's wedding when he acts like he did yesterday. ...or a piece of steak tenderized until it's just hanging together by a few shreds of tissue. I can't bounce back in a few hours and happily jump in bed with him. I'm sure he expected me to do that.

 

We listened to the conference call until 12:30 am EST. My mom called near the end of your Miss Jane. Mom talked longer than usual. If GPP or GMS called our names & we didn't answer, that's why. We listened a while longer.

 

I talked to GPP about an hour; H. talked to GMS two hours. I'm glad their phone held up on the conference call! GPP gave me a suggestion for a consequence for the recent behavior. We didn't come talk about a list of requirements, just the immediate needs for a consequence.

 

Miss Jane, we have much of the same issues with H. not listening to me. For those who don't know, we attended the same intensive in May.

 

I secretly listened to H.'s conversation with GMS. H. knows I listened to the call.

[MaryJane]

I secretly listened to H.'s conversation with GMS. H. knows I listened to the call.

I'm sure that's alright. I would definitely want to know, myself!

 

MaryJane

[son-worshipper]

Please move my husband's thread out of those working toward an OHM. He's jusdewit.

[son-worshipper]

...is there a section called "the curb?"

[son-worshipper]

H. came home this morning and eventually kissed me on the head.

 

I was repulsed and pulled away. I told him it would be better to start with an apology. That was the end of that conversation.

 

Is it true that abusive men don't realize they're being abusive. ...and that some men are so full of pride they cannot or will not apologize?

[bimmers3]

Yes, as Dory, gaininghope and Pure In Heart as well as many others have also told me and others here, yes, it is. Most unfortunately... so full of pride, ego and congratulating themselves on what a good job they are doing!

 

Is it true that abusive men don't realize they're being abusive. ...and that some men are so full of pride they cannot or will not apologize?

[MaryJane]

Can you both get on tonight's call? And tell them how you feel?

 

They might be able to help jusdewit, understand that. In other words he might "hear" them better than he's hearing you, so far.

[son-worshipper]

Yes, Mary Jane, we'll be on the call tonight.

 

We are having heavy heavy rain from the outer bands of the tropical storm in the Gulf of Mexico.

 

Bimmer, I can see where he may be deceived into thinking he's not abusive. ...which makes me wonder if I'm being deceived in some ways too.

 

As some of you know I've been helping my neighbor who has been physically abused for years. Her husband threw a cement block at her last month. I see where she's deceived about many things--where she believes her husband's lies instead of the truth.