Giving Hope Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 We now have a open group call just for YOU! Starting TONIGHT (11/28/09) at 9 est. If you and your wife are dealing with the passive/passive-aggressive in your marriage, then get on tonight's call and learn how you can overcome these issues and reach that OHM place! Jeff..who is one of the most passive guys out there that we knew of at the time, can do it so can YOU! We're going to deal with YOUR issues so that you and your wife can get to that OHM! We're going to have "interviews" with other couples who have lived in PA land and how they are overcomming it as well. I hope that you can all join us and will come away with renewed hope, encouragment and engery to know that you can get to that OHM! Blessings Heather and Jeff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eeyore Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 Starting TONIGHT (11/28/09) at 9 est. Oops! That should be 10/28/09! Don't wait til the end of November to check out this new group call!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted October 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 OOPS! Thanks for catching that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenisy Posted August 10, 2010 Report Share Posted August 10, 2010 is that still going on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_W Posted August 10, 2010 Report Share Posted August 10, 2010 is that still going on? Yes, it is ongoing each week on Wednesdays and is wonderful. 9pm eastern time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainbytheblood Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 did I miss this or is this still going on? I know it's been a while and I just found this site by the grace of God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_W Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 a MUST LISTEN-TO Conference call re: a wife's pain when her husband won't protect or defend or HONOR her, not even with the children. http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/June2011/may-06-12-2011.mp3 "http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/June2011/may-06-12-2011.mp3" Thank you, Timothy Paul, for bringing this to our attention -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
life giver Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) YES, It hurts badly...and I hurt with you May...I wish I could take it all away. I wish all of my pain would go away too! I/we can only make good and right future choices not to allow the abuse to continue and pray that God turns what the enemy meant for evil around from us suffering, to bring good towards us and to bring HIM GLORY. O Lord, may the hearers, who listen to this call see the truth in the words and pain May has, in her brokenness poured out of her heart, and may your revelatory light shine so bright into the hearts, minds and souls of the abusers, so that many miracles can take place in our marriages. We need your Divine Intervention and most of us need it now. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and your goodness towards us. We are trusting you, to come quickly and heal our marriages and all of our lives. May each abused wife find supernatural strength and encouragement directly from you Lord as we are in great need of new life, hope, strength and peace... Amen! Thank you for the posting the call June so all of us can hear it... should some be brave enough to listen. It is very good, and powerful and prayerfully convicting!! Thank you Kimberly and Josh for your faithfulness in helping with our marriages. May you be richly rewarded! Edited June 13, 2011 by life giver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysallis Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Husbands can literally kill with this type of disrespectful horrible behavior. When my husband's mother was awful to me, he did not protect me. Then when my husband turned to me that day in October 2008 and said out of the blue "We're through! It's over!" I said to him "You have killed me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 From For Him For Her ~ Passiveness usually starts in childhood. As little boys, our voices are squelched. This happens from various sources: mothers, fathers, teachers, coaches and so on. We are told we are not allowed to have feelings and shut up before we get in trouble. In the beginning it is driven by fear. We are afraid of making adults angry and wanting to please the people in our lives. We do as we are told. Over time, we teach ourselves to disconnect from our feelings. If the right combination of adults are in our lives growing up, we become zombie like. The only things we can feel are physical things. I believe this is one of the reasons passive men fall intoaddictions so deeply. As we are growing up and being driven by fear, we rarely take the initiative to do any thing because we see that only when we follow the "rules" is there peace. Now take this mind set into something as simple as cleaning our rooms. We don't dare do anything unless we are told. So, our room stays a wreck. We don't clean it up for awhile. Our mother sees the room after a few weeks and can't take the mess any longer. So, she cleans the room. We come back home and our room is clean and we didn't have to do a thing to get it cleaned up. Boom! This is how I can get my way. I don't do anything for a while and the people whom it drives crazy will step in and do it for me. These type things are where we learn there is power in being passive and waiting for the world to change for ME. I can control my world now. I hold power in my hands. As a male, we are born with an inate need to control/lead/conquer. Certain temperaments in the control area have a higher need for this than others. If you add in temperaments in inclusion that are introspective, you have recipe for a lot of internal anger.( I have a great need to control but I am not allowed to control anything. I think internally but once I have an answer it needs to come out but I am told I am not allowed to share it because it is considered a feeling which I am not allowed to have.) It is a horrible thing for a child. Now we have a kid full of resentment whom has found a way to get what he wants without have to do anything. He has spent years feeling like he didn't matter or didn't exist or wasn't worth anything. The resentment fuels his anger anytime he can't get what he wants. With this new found power he will do anything to get what he wants because over time this is the only way his brain thinks he is somebody. He HAS to be somebody. The thoughts of being a nobody and nothing feeds his fear. Now we have resentment and fear driving us to anger. While stuck in this cycle, we are always in defense mode. We are because over time we lose the ability to control the cycle. It just becomes who we are. This is not an excuse but a reason. Now enter a woman we "think" we love. We court her and show her everything she needs to see in order for her to choose us. In the beginning she is feeling loved because we are initiating in positive words and actions. Naturally, she responds with love. On the surface this looks like a great relationship but it isn't. The man wants to hurry and push her into marriage because he desperately needs to go back to where he feels the most comfortable, doing nothing. I litterally had this conversation in my head before I married. Of course, this didn't dawn on me until I started walking this out because I was so stuck in cycle I rarely remembered these type things. Now the kid is married and can relax. He can go back to the way things "should" be. His wife notices a change and immediately begins to nuture as she is called to do. The passive guy sees this and exploits it to the hilt. The more she pursues. The more he stops doing. The reality is there is nothing she can give him to make him change. It takes the realization of losing the most important thing in his life to step out of the mad world he has created. They need to be on an island all alone. This is where God can come in. As the kid/man walks through life, he loses touch with God because he spends so much time controling the world, and enjoying every single minute of it, that he can't allow God in. God will ruin it and force him to do things he doesn't want to do just like all the other people in his life as a child. He's played that game before and will NOT play it again. As in my other post on this subject, he slowly loses the desire for the truth. For the truth will force him to change back. Nope! Not going to happen to me again. The man puts all of this in a pot and stirs it. He stirs it to his taste and his taste only. There is only one spoon and he refuses to let anyone else use it to stir. God included. Yes a passive man can eventually have a real relationship with God but only after he has conquered his passiveness with the help of the Holy Spirit. Passiveness is a learned behavior. It can be broken. It is only a matter of retraining the brain which usually happens when the loss I spoke of earlier occurs. And the "thing" is different for different men. You would think losing his family would do it but unfortunately it is not the case. I know passive men can change because I have. The thought of losing Lee broke me. At that point, I knew I couldn't continue to do it the same old way. I use to have a saying ( This is my world and I allow you to live in it). I truly believed it until my heart finally felt true loss. I was the king/ruler of my world. Now, I know there is but one KING. I had to surrender to HIM in order for me to be free. I am free. God BlessDavid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithworks Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 What an amazing summary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 I just read it for the second time -- REALLY read it. I agree, Faithworks, It IS amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Just read this and I am thankful for the testimony. Yes, we passive guys CAN change. I am on the road to recovery myself thanks in large part to this ministry, working to win my wife's heart back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMan86 Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Just now acknowledging and accepting that I am passive aggressive. I always thought that title went far deeper than anything I could have possibly done. I've been wrong. I was sent a good article about it and how it is "cover abuse". It names and outlines each behavioral point of it. To my surprise I owned quite a few myself. I would avoid important decision making in order to avoid responsibility of something going wrong. I would speak ambiguously, not really getting to the point I actually wanted (or needed) to get to. And other issues. I never thought I would see myself as passive aggressive. But I do now and I NEED to stop it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) Just now acknowledging and accepting that I am passive aggressive. I always thought that title went far deeper than anything I could have possibly done. I've been wrong. I was sent a good article about it and how it is "cover abuse". It names and outlines each behavioral point of it. To my surprise I owned quite a few myself. I would avoid important decision making in order to avoid responsibility of something going wrong. I would speak ambiguously, not really getting to the point I actually wanted (or needed) to get to. And other issues. I never thought I would see myself as passive aggressive. But I do now and I NEED to stop it.Glad you are here. Yes, it is humbling to see how much this affects us and our wives. The good news is you see this and now can make a positive change! If you are not already on the men's call I would recommend you join right away. Stay engaged on the forums as well. All of this works together to help us to become true men, that is Christlike men. I only recently started the journey in December 2013 and I see how this is something you have totally commit to if you really want to change. Edited May 27, 2014 by ChooseLove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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