Ranger = The man who watches out for danger ahead, confronts my issues head on

[biff]

June,

 

I also wanted to clarify that Claire and I had talked previously about this position, and she gave me a few ladies who could fill it. These ladies would not qualify ,one could only work part time the other was a member of her co-op homeshool group which was conflict of interest, if she did not work out.I did have a male assistant before , he was retired ,but he was grumpy.This is the position that I fired because of insubordination.He only worked part time 20-30 hours a week.Claire and I disussed getting a female into this position because she would be the "voice" of the company as she would be the one answering the phone,and mutitasking with projects.

[Claire]

Biff had assured me at our one conversation about a new hire that I would be involved in the interview process. We talked about the new hire being clean, professional, etc...not like your previous male assistant. I did not say it should be a woman especially in light of our recent marital situation. You told me she wasn't hired, she just had signed a 90 day contract to try her out. That doesn't make sense to me. You reminded me that I "wasn't a business partner". You have no business partner. You are solo...you take your dad's advice. I'm not as unprofessional and unexperienced as you think I am, Biff. I did have a career before kids. I do direct a homeschool group with 12 ladies working under me along with juggling things in this home! I think that you think of me only as a wife and mother to your children. I'm only someone qualified to cook meals, do laundry, clean house, etc. This brings back emotions from when I wanted to get my ultrasonography license a couple of years ago and you pointed your finger in my face and stated, "You are the most selfish person I've ever met." As you struggle with your own identity issues, I do too, Biff.

[Chrysallis]

So

the new girl

How old is she

Is she married

What makes her "such a great fit"?

Why did you say she was on a 90 day contract when you actually mean 90 day probation or are you double talking here to save yourself?

How could you look at 50 people and your wife be totally unaware you are even interviewing?

Edited July 2, 2011 by Chrysallis

[J_W]

Joel posted to Claire Posted Yesterday, 11:25 PM

Why don't you go on the trip and just decide to have fun. Put Angela and other things on the shelf. You deserve to have fun and Biff has made efforts and progress and also deserves for your family to have a relaxing and fun time together.

 

You can check in with Josh and Kim on Saturday night or with Ken and Diane on Sunday.

 

We can talk about what to do with Angela next week. Have you met her, seen her? That will tell you a lot. If she is attractive, she has to go. Sorry Biff. You did not include Claire in the hiring as you were supposed to do.

 

We just want to give you two permission though now to have fun. Take a deep breath, and enjoy life for a few days. Enjoy each other a few days.

 

Praying for you as your vacation together - praying that it would be all about blessing Claire, for this would mean that she is getting healed ... and that your family is re-creating a vacation memory.

 

(my .02 is that you better do most excellent LOVER apologies about all of these areas, and the 20/20/20/20 and don't interfere with decisions that Claire makes on this trip, she is a very smart woman and knows how to handle the children... let it be, "yes, dear, my precious, my darling")

 

prayerfully,

June of

[Chrysallis]

let it be, "yes, dear, my precious, my darling")

 

prayerfully,

June of

 

Amen

[dory]

You reminded me that I "wasn't a business partner".

 

Ouch! Would Joel say that to Kathy? If he did, I garrantee you he wouldn't have a bed partner for the night.

 

I sure hope you have apologized for this one, without expecting her to "get over it" in a day.

[J_W]

where ARE you, Biff?????

[Claire]

We had a decent time away. After learning of some other details, I'm feeling upset that it was totally orchestrated to prove something to Biff. I'm really actually angry. When I discovered the truth, Biff is thrown back into pouting mode. He didn't call the kids last night to see how they qualified for their big swim event. They would have done much better, but they were happy to go with dad during crunch week of practices. Biff hasn't called today and it's almost 1 p.m. Please pray for us.

 

I know what I know...Biff still has me as the enemy. I'm "angry, judgemental, and negative" to Biff. I just really want transparency and honesty, and it's not there. I feel Biff got what he wanted last week. Meanwhile, my 8 year old is biting her nails again. We're all confused with where our family is going from here. I had a good feeling that this would happen.

[Claire]

We had a decent time away. After learning of some other details, I'm feeling upset that it was totally orchestrated to prove something to Biff. I'm really actually angry. When I discovered the truth, Biff is thrown back into pouting mode. He didn't call the kids last night to see how they qualified for their big swim event. They would have done much better, but they were happy to go with dad during crunch week of practices. Biff hasn't called today and it's almost 1 p.m. Please pray for us.

 

I know what I know...Biff still has me as the enemy. I'm "angry, judgemental, and negative" to Biff. I just really want transparency and honesty, and it's not there. I feel Biff got what he wanted last week. Meanwhile, my 8 year old is biting her nails again. We're all confused with where our family is going from here. I had a good feeling that this would happen.

 

 

I should rephrase that...we had a really nice time while gone. There were a couple of stress moments, but we had a nice time relaxing, playing games, taking walks and bike rides, cooking together, etc. The tough times are regarding a private matter. I cannot go into details further on the forum because Biff asked me not to. I just called the office, talked to Angela, who told me that Biff was with a customer. I can only imagine Angela becoming Biff's ally in managing me. I don't go to the office because it stresses Biff out whether there are customers or not. I do not intend to meet Angela now that there is a contract and I've been squeezed out of meeting her before the contract was signed. Whether Biff's parents rushed it or not still shows me that Biff is putting his parents before our marriage.

[dory]

Claire & Biff

 

we need to "talk".

 

Dory & Nemo

[J_W]

tonight!

 

please get on the call at the very beginning with Dory & Nemo 8pm Eastern time

 

Joel & Kathy also have the "heads up" on this --

so, it is VERY important that you BOTH are on the call TONIGHT!

 

blessings and prayers,

June of

[Claire]

Claire will be on.

[truth]

you are a trip, Lone Ranger!

 

Been pondering this leave and cleave wall that Biff is butting his head into.

 

This is basic Bible 101 that he should know. Biff, if you are reading this, do you study the Bible? My discernment tells me that you are using this as a distraction from dealing with your issues.

 

 

The part of the marriage/wedding ceremony that we all repeat that states something to the effect of "FORSAKING ALL OTHERS" is referring to the scriptures pertaining to this.

 

 

Let's take a look here:

 

 

A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave) to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

 

 

LEAVE:

 

 

Hebrew word-azab-to leave, forsake, abandon, leave behind, be left over or let go.

 

 

Greek-kataleipo-to leave behind.

 

 

JOINED or CLEAVE:

 

 

Greek1-kollao-to join fast together, to glue, cement.

 

Greek2-proskollao-to cleave unto.

 

 

CLEAVE:

 

Hebrew-dabaq-to cling, cleave, keep close. "Loyal devotion"

 

JOIN:

 

Hebrew-proskollao-to stick to.

 

 

Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7 and Ephesians 5:31

 

 

It can't be any clearer.

[JoelandKathy]

Great Post, Julie - thank you!

[rejoicein]

Biff it is almost noon and I do not see anything here that you have posted. This is not the way to show clare she is number one.

 

Also we did not make a time line for dealing with your mom and dad. I would say this needs to happen by Wednesday at the latest.

 

Let's hear from you

 

Steve

[biff]

Ok,this is Biff here, need to make sure I post everyday. First I would like to thank Steve and Julie for going out of your way to speak words of wisdom to both Claire and I on the phone last night. I am thankful there are people like you in this ministry who are able to pinpoint the problems with laser precision, break it down,and not sugar coat it , but most important do it with Grace. Also I want to thank our friends in the ministry who have gone through the valleys and now are experiencing a marriage the way God intended it to be. I have seen his example and how he lays his life down for his bride. I have been able to meet him for lunch a few times and he has always been able to make me see the error of my ways. You are a good man Mr. Bingley, for very few men have the courage or fortitude to confront yet encourage a man who needs correction.Thank you Mary Jane for reaching out to my Claire and encouraging her wounded heart.Ken thank you for your prayer over Claire and I last night.

 

 

Claire, sorry is just not going to cut the mustard right now I know. You have asked me to do certain things but I have drug me feet on these issues. Specifically to move my parents out of the business and have a six month separation from them. I am sorry I have been so passive aggressive on these two issues. I have said I would comply and start to get the ball rolling. Instead I have not pursued this to the extent that I could have. I have resented this deep down even though outwardly I seemed very compliant.I have made excuses about the extra monetary cost to the business and I would need to pay someone 2 to 3 times the amount to cover what she does in the business. This was very selfish of me because I do not know that until I get a bookkeeping service to review what her job entails. Even if it does cost more we should be able to handle it.This only a starting point but I hope to have a time line for you by this next monday on the replacing of my mothers position. I will have written the hurt list letter by then to give to my parents, I will have you review it by Thursday so you can add anything else I might have left out. I am sorry my parents have hurt you so badly, and I was not able to communicate to them this hurt.I will pursue this immediately.

 

 

Claire I am sorry I have been a double-minded man. Steve helped me to see this in all of my actions or lack of actions. I have been on board when it suited my goals and when I felt you were being unreasonable I was willing to jump off the train.The constant up and down has been controling of me and abusive.I have given you hope only to dash it to the ground on many occasions. All you have ask of me is consistency and that I lay my life down for you. I am sorry for my downward spirals when my Ego and pride gets in the way. I know I am human and sin will make me confront these issues again but I will not do the Lone Ranger thing again. I will call Steve, Joel, or others to help me walk this walk.I made reference to James 1 before on my post, but I must have been blind not to see my double-minded unstable ways.I understand God will not bless me, our marriage, or my my efforts if my actions are two-sided and unsure.

 

 

Claire you need a stable, honorable man who will be courageous and fight the good fight

love you unconditionally and never give up. I need to be that man for you.

 

I love you Claire.

[biff]

Steve, Sorry for not posting until now. Can you switch my other post from the call section to this section, I accidentally posted under the call section. I did have a very busy day , but I did say I would post everyday. Should I post more than once a day? I know the time is important so we can develop that as soon as possible. I will be on the men's call tuesday so I will ask Joel and you what would be appropriate time frame to move my mother out of the business. I am talking to a few book keeping services , I should be able to decide on one by next week and have my mother turn over all her duties by drop dead date of the end of the month. I will be on tonights call listening and I will say hi.

 

 

Thanks again, Steve

[rejoicein]

Steve, Sorry for not posting until now. Can you switch my other post from the call section to this section, I accidentally posted under the call section. I did have a very busy day , but I did say I would post everyday. Should I post more than once a day? I know the time is important so we can develop that as soon as possible. I will be on the men's call tuesday so I will ask Joel and you what would be appropriate time frame to move my mother out of the business. I am talking to a few book keeping services , I should be able to decide on one by next week and have my mother turn over all her duties by drop dead date of the end of the month. I will be on tonights call listening and I will say hi.

 

 

Thanks again, Steve

 

Got it moved for you.

 

You need to posts a much as you can. At least once a day. The more positive actions you do every day the quicker you will grow and the faster this will become who you are.

[Claire]

If Biff's only communication with me is through the forum or conference call, do I understand that 2-3 times/week on the conference call and once daily on the forum is sufficient communication for us at this time? BTW, Biff called first thing this a.m. I didn't answer because he's not supposed to be calling. Right?

[rejoicein]

If Biff's only communication with me is through the forum or conference call, do I understand that 2-3 times/week on the conference call and once daily on the forum is sufficient communication for us at this time? BTW, Biff called first thing this a.m. I didn't answer because he's not supposed to be calling. Right?

 

Claire

 

If 2-3 times/week is comfortable for you that is what he should do. That does not include the time he is on the mens calls.

 

Biff listen to your wifes heart she is not ready to have you calling her. If you need something or you are trying to reach the kids and she does not answer you must leave a message every time. No exceptions. If it is not an emergency put a quick post on the form.

 

This may seem crazy to you but this is what your actions have brought you to.

 

Steve

[biff]

I understand, that my actions have brought me to this place. I called tonight to say goodnight to the children. This morning I called to thank Claire for getting on the call, and tell her I was going to talk to our son Evan since she said he was having a hard time last night. I left a message on her voice mail.I just need to set up a time to talk to the children? Please advise.

[Claire]

I understand, that my actions have brought me to this place. I called tonight to say goodnight to the children. This morning I called to thank Claire for getting on the call, and tell her I was going to talk to our son Evan since she said he was having a hard time last night. I left a message on her voice mail.I just need to set up a time to talk to the children? Please advise.

 

 

I always have the children call Biff back. They will call tonight. Would like to be able to have a normal conversation with my husband...several times a day, but I don't really know what "normal" is these days so I will try to get on the call whenever Biff initiates it. 20/20/20 even on the forum or texting is out of the question so talking on the conference call will be fine.

[biff]

Claire,

 

Thank you for having the children call me tonight.They are such wonderful children,they make me smile every time I talk to them. You are doing such a great job with them! I know I have put you in such a state that you doubt this on so many levels. J" made a comment the other day when we had lunch about what wonderful children we have and what a pleasure it is to have them as music students.I just wanted to tell you I appreciate everything you do for our children. I know you started school today with the children, I hope it was a good start? I will pray that you have a fruitful school year this year.

 

Please let me know if you can get on the call tomorrow night?

 

 

 

Goodnight, I love you.

[Miss Jane Bennett]

I sent this suggestion in an email to Biff:

 

I wanted to encourage you ... as you talk to your parents, plan carefully what you are going to say so that it puts Claire in a GOOD light. If she ends up looking like the bad guy in this situation, or like a crazy wife, you will not have been faithful to her, or demonstrating the actual cleaving that the scripture calls for--the "one flesh," which is in spirit as well as physically.

 

Suggestion: before you talk to your parents, what about running your game plan past Steve?

 

He replied to me and plans to talk through with Joel and Steve on the men's call his approach to his parents. Biff, could I post that part of your email here?

Edited August 2, 2011 by Miss Jane Bennett

[Claire]

BTW, I was on the call last night. I didn't get to speak up, but heard Steve and Julie talk through some great stuff with a couple. It's amazing how issues really overlap between most of the couples.