Newbie encouraged by your ministry

[son-worshipper]

Yeah Jan, I'd love to be Marsha's roommate on the upcoming cruise.

[son-worshipper]

How can DH heal my heart on this issue?

 

He tells me we had a misunderstanding. But, it wasn't much of a misunderstanding. He went to the car to bring me his phone. The door had a Do Not Enter sign. He was exhausted and didn't think he could get the phone to me without causing a scene. People were packed in the auditorium at the other entrances. The door he used to get out wasn't supposed to be used to enter the auditorium; it was at the front of the room. DH has not had adequate sleep since we've been home; neither have I. I believe he did try, and probably did the best he could considering the limited amount of sleep he's had.

 

He has apologized to me, but I don't know he can heal my heart. I explained how I felt abandoned and how our daughter probably felt abandoned. He says he didn't realize I wanted to phone to take pictures, but to be able to stay in contact with our oldest daughter since the youngest one was sick.

 

He's trying to apologize, but I don't feel comforted. I feel he's accusing me of not writing my request and feelings in black & white. It's possible I didn't SAY I needed his phone to take photos. I did express my disappointment at not being able to take any photos because my phone was dead. I asked him to call the teen when he got his phone, which was in his car in the parking lot. He thinks the main reason he went to the car to get his phone was to call the teen.

 

I want to give him credit, but he's arguing with me so much about what happened that I don't feel he's hearing my heart.

[Purple]

Just weighing in here on what I think when I've read your last couple of posts...all the factors mentioned appear to be true about the doors being locked, which door to be used, etc.....

 

BUT in my mind...why did he leave the parking lot for home? He could have stayed in the car or even outside the doors to be right there when you came out...but okay, stay in the car and close your eyes to rest if needed...but don't leave your family.

 

It does seem that he now sees it differently...and men are just so clueless...but that's been my initial thought since you first posted about it...I know those things can happen during school/ church/ community functions and you're clueless how to get around it when they close the doors....but you don't leave.

 

Probably an attack on you two, as well...with so much happening lately and good things on the horizon. Just my two cents.

[MaryJane]

Try this: Ask him to simply hold you, let you cry for as long as it takes, and reassure you that he intends to stay the course.

[Cinderella]

Hi SW,

 

I am sorry to be blunt (again), but here is my take:

 

He is desperately trying to stay a little boy and is desperately hoping you will not "press" him to grow up.

 

He is making one excuse after another... the door was locked, didn't want to make a scene, he was tired, etc...

 

You need to grow here and be blunt with him... "no excuses any longer. You treated me and our daughter with disrespect--- knowingly or unknowingly---that does NOT matter, and now I need you to grow-up and take responsibility for the pain you caused your family."

 

You are doing what I've done 1000 times before finding J&K...

 

"well, maybe he really couldn't get into the building..."

 

"I know he is tired because I am too (but you were still there, SW)..."

 

"He would have made a scene in order to get back in (so what. who cares. he WOULD HAVE made his wife and daughter very happy)...".

 

Please, SW, don't let up this early in the process. You said yourself, over the weekend, "This better not take 8 months." Well, stay the course. You know in your heart what is right, it is A LOT of work for us ladies, but it is worth it.

[son-worshipper]

I definately see your point Scarlett. I am trying to see things from his perspective.

 

We had a rough start to the day, but it's going smooth now. Nothing DH can do will make up for the loss. He walked out of our daughter's 6th grade graduationand left me with no way of taking photos of the ceremony. He wasn't angry, just tired, and probably feels I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

He's tried to apologize, but he can't do anything to make up for this. He can't go back in time and and attend her ceremony. He can't replace the lost opportunity for the pictures. I am very angry about it and feel he abandoned me and our daughter.

 

DH missed both of her band concerts this year because he was working. He's always working.

 

My dad rarely went to my younger sister's school events. He never made time for her. They had a poor relationship for years because he was so passive. She was only 3 when my parents divorced. He didn't do anything to cultivate a relationship with her like he did with me. That has always grieved me. I am very thankful they reconciled for a few years before his death.

[son-worshipper]

Mary Jane, thank you for this suggestion. It's the only option we have right now.

 

Purple, I agree this was probably another attack to derail our progress.

 

Jan, this feels like a full moon with all the craziness going on.

 

Our oldest daugther has the flu now. She is having a bunch of new neurological symptoms which are screaming for additional IV treatment. It doesn't look like her infectious disease doctor will authorize another port. She's having an abnormal pain response in her skin and I don't think she'd be able to tolerate another port. It appears another keloid is growing where they removed the other one (in the port scar).

 

The only other options to a port are a picc line or a central line.

[MaryJane]

God, O God! In Jesus' Name, come to SW's rescue, I pray! Cause her oldest daughter to suddenly and quickly improve!

 

We come against the wiles of that old serpent, the devil, and command him to take his dirty hands OFF of this family! These attacks HAVE to cease!

 

This family -- every member of it -- is separated unto the Lord, now. In the Name of Jesus. The Name which is above every name.

 

AMEN.

[Cinderella]

Dearest SW,

 

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I can tell you do not have the strength to deal with H's childishness right now. I am in agreement with MaryJane:

 

God, O God! In Jesus' Name, come to SW's rescue, I pray! Cause her oldest daughter to suddenly and quickly improve!

 

In the Name of Jesus. The Name which is above every name.

 

AMEN.

[son-worshipper]

This is NOT like me.

 

The other night I was going to let a teenage boy spend the night with us...we don't have any teen boys home anymore! This is not normal. I'm so glad DH came home and stopped the nonsense.

[Miss Jane Bennett]

No, this is not like you. You were the most determined one at the intensive (besides me ... you're more vocal than I am and a sanguine at that). I agree with MaryJane, too. Let your H do something to ease your pain. He has apologized several times. That is good. But, you're right, the apologies won't deliver pictures of the event or make your daughter feel valued by her father.

[son-worshipper]

Another example: I didn't think to take a camera to the graduation. I always remember important stuff like that.

[Jaya]

Hi SW, Just wanted to touch base with a situation we both have in common. A few weeks ago my H and I babysat a couple of kids for a family we know. We got home really really late (2am) and went home and to bed. The next day I went to go grocery shopping and noticed that my console was open with my camera bag hanging out but no camera in the camera bag. At that moment I realized that my camera and Ipod had been stolen from our car sometime between the 2am we got home and the noon o'clock I left to go grocery shopping. I was so upset about it because I NEVER forget to lock my car doors or my house doors. EVER. and the one time I forgot the Ipod that was full of the sermon teachings we listen to and the worship music that God used to get us through so much was STOLEN along with our camera that was full of pictures from the wedding my husband had been a couple of weeks prior! What upset me so much was that the day before I was going to put the pictures on our computer so we would have at least had them but then thought to myself "I'll do it later." well later never came. Anyways, all this to say that I have started speaking outloud that what was stolen from us will be returned 7x greater. That God will provide a new vehicle for teachings (worship music isn't an issue we have cd's. Just the teachings we are lacking on now) and a new camera and somehow someway He will bring back my MEMORY card from the stolen camera... Maybe you can do something similar with your daughter's graduation. Maybe as a family you can have a new celebration of the graduation and create a special family event where she is the absolute focal point (hugest deal made by your husband) for the evening. Anyways, just some thoughts! I have very looked forward to reading about the effects the intensive had on you and your H and know that God will keep you both going in the right direction! Take care!

 

Jaya

[musicteacher]

Hey Jaya, the first thing I thought of when I read that your iPod was stolen and was full of sermon teachings and worship music, is that HOPEFULLY the thief will LISTEN to all of it!!!! Remember, there is a reason for everything and God works EVERYTHING out for HIS good! (Romans 8:28 - my favorite verse!)

[son-worshipper]

Thank you Jaya.

 

My husband is definately making progress.

For the most part DH is applying what we learned daily.

He is initiating hugs and kisses, which is a huge difference. Previously he only showed affection when he wanted sex.

Although he has a different attitude toward me, he's still very gruff and short-tempered with the children. It hurts me when he treats the children like this.

 

It's a great idea to celebrate our daughter's 6th grade graduation with a special party.

 

MUSICTEACHER! Hey my friend! It's good to see you here.

 

Musicteacher and I met in college. We were active in the Baptist Campus Ministry.

[musicteacher]

Hey Son-Worshipper,

 

Just a thought on how your DH treats your children... Since he is now listening to YOUR heart, have you expressed to him that it hurts your heart to have him treat your children the way he does? Perhaps when the timing is right, suggest he begin listening to their hearts, too.

[Miss Jane Bennett]

I second Jaya's motion for a special gradutaion party--brilliant idea! Do it!

 

Glad your H is treating you well. Now when he starts treating the children well, too, it will indicate some real change. Call him out on the bad behavior with them every time. I personally don't think you can do the "one out of three" procedure when it relates to them. Changing his gut reaction to--"think first, then speak"--will take a lot of practice.

[Livia]

I would suggest you dress your grad up and go to a nice park setting and take some pictures to make up for missing the graduation opportunity for picture taking.

 

Go to a scrapbook store or Walmarts and buy some cute little enbellishments to make a graduation page and or framed picture.

 

yOU could go to smilebox.com and use their templates to make an adorable scrapbook with the pictures you take today or this weekend.

 

 

Then you will have captured the "monent." It's better than doing nothing and lettting the event slip by without any pictures.

 

.....................Just a suggestion.

 

 

Livia

[son-worshipper]

My husband is a wonderful photographer...or he was...He had album after album when before we were married. I remember thinking how great it will be to have photos of our children. I don't think he's taken any pictures since we were married. That's really odd! He had a nice camera which was ruined in storage due to mold.

 

Livia. Miss Jane, and Jaya, thank you for the great ideas. We can salvage the moment and make some good memories...one that DH will also remember. Ha Ha Ha

And I won't continue to feel guilty about forgetting the camera.

 

DH had a good day of sleep yesterday. He worked all night and is helping our 17 yo work on his car at our friend's house. DH took the 7 yo with him without argument this morning. That's a big step!

 

Our 12 yo is caring for a little opossum. It is big enough we don't have to tube feed it, which helps a lot. It's at the fun stage....crawling everywhere, eating worms & roly polys. It's about 6 inches from nose to rump. The tail is about the same length. We got it from a man who works on the road. The mamma was struck by a car. This group of men babied the opossum all day until we could pick it up. Softies!

 

My mind is better today (I think!)

 

I've cleaned the kitchen up pretty well and the laundry is almost caught up. I had several loads of laundry due to the flu>>> dirty sheets, towels, toilets, and barf buckets. I've been running around disinfecting all the door knobs and light switches. Germs --yuck!

 

DH will be off until Monday night. We get to go to church together Sunday morning and night. I look forward to that. I can't wait to hear him tell our friends about the WMI. The last time we were in church together we sat in different sections because we'd had a huge fight just before church. The two oldest boys sat with him. The three youngest sat with me, and the teen was home sick.

 

I kind of feel like I held on and held on so long until I was ready to collapse. Then when relief came, I just crashed. I was a stander too long. I wish I'd known to take action sooner. But, God has a purpose for all we go through. I have hope. I didn't have a lot of hope for a change before the intensive. I knew I had hope, with or without my husband, but I wanted to have hope for OUR marriage and OUR family. I knew we'd make it if DH embraced Joel and Kathy's message of hope.

 

It's like a hiker clinging tenaciously to the side of a cliff. The hiker is completely exhausted, hanging onto a little branch on the side of the cliff with one toe-hold. His hands and legs are cramping from the grip, but it's his only hope. If they let go, they will surely die. The helicopter comes near with the rescue basket, and the hiker collapses. Some will let go just before being saved. Some will hold on until they're in the safety of the basket. But, they all crash...some just crash a second too soon and cannot be saved. I didn't feel like I could hold on another day. I'm sure there is a proper rescuer's term for this situation.

[Cinderella]

Hi SW,

 

I'm glad that you and H got some closure on the graduations situation, from Joel on last night's call. Do you feel better?

 

I love the idea of dressing your DD up and going to the park for pictures. That's great!

 

I've been running around disinfecting all the door knobs and light switches. Germs --yuck!

 

My my... that is what I do too!!! My sons call me a germ-a-phobe. I call it "let's not have everyone in the house get the stomach virus."... I also do the remote controls, cell phones, house phones, refrigerator handles, shower knobs, etc... isn't it exhausting trying to de-germ your house? My H laughed at me because I brought Clorox wipes to the Intensive... to disenfect the hotel room.

 

It sounds like you two are better. I hope so. I love your cliff analogy. Very insightful, SW!

[son-worshipper]

Remember my son's friend...the teenager with a big tick bite rash where his Mom had to dig a deeply embedded tick out of his back? The boy who got really sick a couple of weeks later with joints swollen so bad he could hardly walk? This boy is my son's best friend. My son is staying with him.

 

The boy's test results are back. The tests were negative for rheumatoid arthritis and Lyme disease. They were very surprised he was negative for rheumatoid arthritis; so am I. But, I'm not surprised his Lyme test was negative.

 

My husband got angry because of the snotty way I asked him if he reminded the couple how inaccurate testing is for Lyme disease. He hadn't. He didn't think to tell them. Yes, I got upset when he told me this. That's why he got angry.

 

I guess it's time to resend the Lyme disease information so they can educate themselves.

[son-worshipper]

Scarlett, you weren't the only one who thought of Clorox wipes for the hotel. I just happened to forget my box at the last minute. I usually put the remote into an empty plastic cup wrapper. I also put a towel on the floor of the bathtub so I don't have to step on the bare tub. I never walk on the tile or carpet barefoot. Think athlete's feet fungus!

 

Did your room smell moldy? Ours did, and the bed was so damp at night I couldn't get warm. It was as if the sheets absorbed the moisture in the room. I had to wear socks to get warm enough to go to sleep. Now that was sexy!

 

We ran the AC to keep the room cool and the humidity down, but it didn't help the humidity problem much. The AC unit was so noisy I couldn't sleep, no matter what the setting. If we didn't run the AC the room was miserable.

 

I wonder if the Hampton Inn next door has the same problems. Maybe I should suggest moving the intensive to the hotel next door.

 

Did anyone else have similar problems with their room?

[Jan]

SW,

They had an article in MSNBC.com on Monday? about a reporters sister that had it and because of the devastating neurological effects, she had commited suicide.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30725967/

...it said in the article that all that was usually required in the first couple of weeks was a good round or two of anti-biotics? True? If so, what is the big deal??? Why don't they just give anyone that has those symptoms a couple rounds of that anti-biotic just as soon as those kinds of symtoms, just as a precaution? I am probably being too simplistic here... Maybe if that does work and they insisted on it?

In His Love,

[son-worshipper]

Jan, it should be as simple as that, but it's not... If it were, my daughter wouldn't be in the shape she's in, nor would our other family members.

 

Physicians think this is a "rare" disease; they don't believe Lyme disease exists in their practice area. Physicians don't realize this disease has spread across the entire US and is found on many continents. It's not just a disease found in the northeast. The disease-carrying ticks have spread across the US. Most physicians don't know this either.

 

The symptoms of Lyme disease are vague (non-specific) and few people make the connection between a tick bite and the wide variety of symptoms that may occur. Half the people don't remember a tick bite. Half the people either don't see the rash or don't get a rash...and of those that do get a rash, the rashes are seldom shaped like a red bulls-eye- target. The rash can vary in size, shape, and color. Those who make the tick bite and symptom connection are quickly dismissed by pompous physicians who vehemently state, "You CAN'T have Lyme disease! We don't have Lyme disease in this state!" Then off we trot with a false sense of security that we're safe. The rash fades, but the bacteria take up residence in various body tissue, making the bacteria difficult to detect. When symptoms keep building we have no idea Lyme may be the unsuspecting culprit weeks to decades after the initial infection.

 

There is a silent deliberate supression of the truth about the most current research on this disease. The pharmacy companies and the insurance companies profit by this supression of information. If the CDC would fully disclose the facts of this epidemic disease the citizens of the US would panic. Several US institutions of higher learning have declared Lyme disease is now an epidemic.

 

For more Lyme disease information see the thread in the Health, Exercise, and Nutrition section at the bottom of the forum index.

 

http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=1867&start=0

 

If doctors would give a round or two of cheap antibiotics at the first hint of a tick bite rash or suspicious symptoms, most of the cases of persistent Lyme would be prevented. The danger of untreated Lyme disease is far more threatening than the risk of taking a course or two of antibiotics for a suspected or presumed infection.

 

Please educate yourself about this insidious disease. I posted plenty of links on the Forum. You may save your life or the life of your loved one.

[son-worshipper]

Jan, suicide is very common among chronic Lyme patients.

 

A 2005 NIH study by Columbia University verified the pain of this disease equals the pain experienced by patients immediately after surgery. The bacteria damages nerves, causing excruciating pain. The problem is there is no way to verify a patient's reported pain level. It's easier to label these ill people as crazy, attention-seeking, or drug-seeking.

 

The dosages of pain medication required to treat this disease is unbelievable, even by experienced pain specialists. Lyme disease causes many types of pain; one of the most difficult types of pain to treat is neuropathic pain...the pain caused by nerve inflammation or damage. The body perceives normal pain stimuli as greatly exaggerated. They have a true, proven pain response, not just something imagined.

 

It's not unusual for Lyme patients with severe pain to take the same pain medication as given to dying cancer patients, but the medication may be required for years. Many of these medications cause the digestive system to slow down, compounding the pain and misery of Lyme disease. Many Lyme patients have slow digestion due to problems with the nerves controlling the digestive tract.

 

If you'd like to read an excellent article explaining how Lyme disease affects the nerves, and the digestive symptoms that may occur, see Dr. Virginia Sherr's article, "Bell's Palsy of the Gut, and Other GI Manifestations of Lyme and Associated Diseases." This article is very easy to read and explains the effects of Lyme disease on everything from one end of the digestive tract to the other.

 

http://www.thehumansideoflyme.net/viewarticle.php?aid=62

 

Dr. Sherr is a physician (psychiatrist) who became debilitated by Lyme disease. It takes an unresponsive bout of this disease to knock a physician into reality.