Please pray for me and my young family

[ulysee798]

Dear all,

 

very brief update (and I really mean it this time )

 

I had the best weekend ever this weekend - my Lovely and I had decided to go to a seminar called "Relationships: As God designed" It was one day 9-5pm and my Lovely had already arranged babysitting for Friday & Saturday. I went to London on Friday night and basically decided that as it was her house it should be her rules and so I volunteered to sleep in a separate bed - which she said she had wanted and I believe she had been a little worried about. She said it was really something for me to do and she appreciated it. Saturday (at the seminar) was good and at the end they toughed on some of the issues we really wanted to hear about esp the biblical perspectives on sex and marriage. We had already previously agreed to come back home on the Saturday but rather than go home, we would go straight out for dinner. We found a restaurant and had a lovely meal then walked home. We chatted with her sister & brother-in-law (the babysitters) and went to bed in the same bed and after a short cuddle we ML

 

Today, on Valentines Day I got a card from my Lovely and I had already got her a card, a single red rose and a chocolate heart. Her card to me said on the front "key to my heart" and inside "my heart belongs to you". I was really happy. Then just before I cooked breakfast for us all (her mum stayed over too) she came in to my study and gave me a second present - my wedding ring back and she showed me that she was wearing hers. She then showed it to her mum, and later in the day to her dad.

 

We had some wonderful moments over the weekend as well as some scary ones as well as some (from me) recognizing what still needs to change and what still needs working on. We have agreed to the need for some more (& better) couple counseling. When I took my lovely to the station she as very tired but I truly believe that God has brought us to a wonderful place and that we are now both committed to our marriage. She even said she would be contacting the Lawyer to tell them she does not want to proceed.

 

I will post more details later.

 

Ulysee

[Abigail]

Praise God.

 

This stuff does work.

 

Praise God that her family helped you in spirit too. It does take everyone gathering around the one who has strayed off the path to lead, in this case, her, back onto it.

 

I am rejoicing ofr you, her, your children, and for the Kingdom too.

 

Abigail

[firewalker]

Hallelujah and thank you Lord Jesus.

 

Christlikeness in marriage works wonders.

 

I am overwhelmed with joy for you both.

 

[smilie=happy.gif]

 

I pray MORE, MORE, MORE, Lord.

Bring more love,

more commitment,

more healing,

more triumph over darkness and despair,

more love-making,

more understanding,

more maturity,

more strength,

more mercy,

MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!

 

Happy Valentines to you and your Lovely!

[Purple]

Praise His Holy Name!!! Thank you Father!!

 

Kudos to you U....for walking out this ministry. Even bigger kudos to your Lovely...for looking inside herself...and being willing to let down her walls, and let you in again!

 

I stand in agreement with Firewalker's prayer....More Lord.

 

Standing firm in prayers for your family! Amen!!!!

[For Him For Her]

ulysee,

 

I am at a loss for words and that is rare! Congratulations! Praise Him! Praise Him! Now comes the time when you MUST walk out everything you have learned on this Journey. Please, please do not stop becoming Christlike. Your Lovely believes in you again. Always always make her believe!

 

God Bless

David

[Tigger]

Dear U,

 

I too am speechless. I have not caught the action here in a while and I was going to post a note to you asking how things were going. I was pleasantly shocked to find so much had happened. Bless you my friend and press on towards Christlikeness.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[MaryJane]

This is wonderful news! Praises to our God!

[dory]

Any updates? Did you start a new string elsewhere perchance?

[ulysee798]

Hi, no strings elsewhere - sorry for not updating, loads going on including a house move. We are still moving forward but it does sometimes feel like one step forwards, two steps back.

 

I will give you all a fuller update as soon as I can.

 

Blessings - Ulysee

[Purple]

Lifting you all up in prayer!! Please remember...it is HUGE that she is risking her heart again. I've held her to high standards...so know that it is serious for me to tell you give her lots of grace. It is horrifyingly scary to dare let our husbands back in after we've hurt so bad.!! With Him, nothing is impossible. Rooting for you all!!!

[Tigger]

Dear U,

 

Maybe I have missed something, so I will have to try to go back and read. I have had computer problems and not been on and with the new forum and all it has been challenging because of my visual problems. So what is happening, what is up with your moving?? Are you leaving your church?? Are you going to be moving to be closer to your lovely?? How are the children and where are things with all of you. Please try to get back with us, your last real detailed report was on Valentines Day, that was 2 months ago. We need an update and know how to direct our prayers. Praying all is well with you and yours.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[firewalker]

U-

This is your old pal, Firewalker. Checking on you since the new forum location change.

 

I wish I had better news to share, but my signature says most all of it. My husband was unfaithful again, after 7 years of sexual sobriety and fidelity. So, he has chosen to act out instead of being honest about how unhappy he has been. This lack of honesty and deception has doomed our marriage to his hollow efforts in the flesh, without the power of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to give him any hope of change and our marriage any hope of healing. Just needed to be authentic.

 

I still pray for you two, and hope that your marriage is moving forward in trust and passion.

[Terry]

Firewalker,

I am so sorry to hear this. You are such a Godly women and help keeping myself and others on the road to recovery. I will be praying for you now, that he does get convicted and has true repentance to bring healing to your heart.

Terry

Kingston,Wa

[ulysee798]

Hi, to everyone. Gutted for you Firewalker, you are indeed a tower of strength and I pray for you too in your time of need.

 

I have been very busy and very stressed and did loose the forum for a while, but have found you again.

 

Things are going OK at the moment. February was a long time ago and was the one and only time we have been intimate. Some of that is down to us needing to work out how to communicate and some (maybe more??) is about the fact that my lovely sees that if we are still officially separate she can still claim benefits etc.

 

The good news is that we are back together - sleeping in the same bed but with strict "no-touching" rules, cuddles are OK but no more. I have been working hard to ensure my lovely feels that she is both loved and wanted. I am failing in as much as she wants me to talk to her about my feelings, which I do, but it doesn't seem to be exactly what she wants. I am praying that God will help me to put her first in all of this and to meet her needs esp for me to be able to share with her the thing that she feels is missing.

 

The no-touching is on a time limit - meaning that once college is over for the summer, things can be pursued. She is ultra stressed at college, the work is very hard, she misses the kids terribly and she has almost constant assessments and exams. Put all that together with a move of house and you can see the strain.

 

So where are we? I applaud my lovely for her constant trying - and in a way it is new to me to be able to even identify or recognise that she is trying. I have finally learned that her moods (esp bad ones) are not necessarily something I have done, and I am beginning to be able to bring her out of such "down" times by talking, cuddling, holding her and basically giving her respect. I also recognise that she is holding back, perhaps from fear, perhaps caution - I'm not sure - but I can wait and I can do all I can to regain her trust of me. My problem with self gratification has been clear for 14 months now - praise the Lord.

 

I do often have problems with trusting my lovely. She revises a lot with a guy but she says he is gay so no probs there. My youngest did come home one weekend after they stayed over (which is becoming rarer )and say that they had a wonderful time (she was alone with mummy as the others were with me on the Sunday) and that mummy had kissed someone and that she loved him. I sweated and worried but finally called her and asked. She denied it and said the youngest was just over excited. She also said I had nothing to fear from the person in question. She is also still friends with "that man", something I believe is both wrong and difficult for me. I still pray I will never meet him.

 

And yes, we are moving - which in itself is stressful. I curtailed my appointment here in order to move us all closer to mummy, and to allow mummy to live with us again. The kids all reacted badly, then OK and now it's just the eldest who constantly leads off about how we're ruining his life. But I know him and much of it is noise and wanting to be affirmed - which I do.

 

We have looked at appointments - one was too far from London, the other was a mainly Ghanaian church who said no to us - the reason given was that they couldn't get their heads around me being the primary carer (i.e school pick-ups etc) and my wife studying to be a doctor.

 

We are looking at one next weekend but it is at least as far from London as where we are now. Unfortunately I joined the process late and this is the last appointment (suitable that is) - if this is no good we might end up homeless!!

 

The appointment was 4 small churches with 44 max and 8 min in the congregations. They are all village churches but the house is in a town. My lovely seemed to like that, I think she was harking back to a previous dream of hers. My job profile said I wanted one main church and for family work etc, so it didn't tick any boxes for me. I got a call from the Superintendent (my boss to be - equivalent to a bishop maybe??) who said he'd read my profile and wanted to offer me the one large church in the area - 258 members, loads of youth etc etc. I was delighted - my lovely went off the deep end. I think because of the work stress, an exam on this Monday coming and that it wasn't what she was expecting. I'm hoping she'll see that this maybe God at work in all this - we'll see.

 

If we accept then it's definitely not ideal - she will commute 1hr 45min each way each day so will be tired - but she'll be at home, which will help with the kids a lot. I have promised to get a cleaner so that we are not both over-stretched and we'll see where God wants us all to go.

 

Thanks so much for your prayers

 

Ulysee

[Tigger]

Dear U,

 

Only have a moment. Wanted to say thank you for posting. It was good to hear from you. Still confused as to where you are, but maybe you will give more info when you can. Are you still living in the home you were in or are you in some temporary housing. I can see that some things are really scary with your Lovely, understandable. I caution you that I sensed a tone change in this post. Maybe it is just me, but it felt like you were getting very task oriented. I know the job is of concern, but remember that your Lovely is your top priority. Keep coming here, trust me... it makes a difference!! You still need all the love and support that you can get; you are not in a completely recovered marriage. Not trying to be negative and/or putting you down, just lovingly giving you a word of caution.

 

Other helpers please feel free to chime in and/or disagree, maybe I am off.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[Purple]

I've been off the forum for awhile due to the change and incredible workload with my job. Just saw where you had updated.

 

It is two steps forward and one back for awhile. Not saying that as discouragement. Giving you validation. I still can get so MAD at my husband...and it's what's underneath mostly...not that he has majorly messed up again. It is a process to get it right, not just an event. Know that this is normal. It's difficult, yes, frustrating, yes, but it is normal. It is even more telling for us all that we should never allow our marriages to get to this hurtful place to start with...because it is difficult to get back.

 

I applaud you for listening to her feelings, giving her space within limits, and making decisions for the family to get you all closer while MOm pursues things that are important to her. I am feeling really good that she is engaging with the children again and wanting to be more involved. this is a season of unrest...and you and she seem to be working together to address the needs of each other and even more importantly your children.

 

I pray for you all often still. We all need it. I feel the unrest of the world's time...and know that Satan is enjoying the destruction of families...and truthfully, I recognize that sometimes he does nothing more than plant a thought...and we run with it while he sits and enjoys the show. It is time we all rise up to be the Christians we say we are and follow Christ's principles as individuals, married couples, and parents.

 

Thank you for checking in. Helps us all keep accountable on this journey and be more specific in our prayer requests. I'm so glad your Lovely is giving it a try! I applaud her!

[J_W]

Hi Ulysee798,

We miss seeing your posts and of what is happening overseas with you and your beloved.

 

Since you are so far away - and perhaps are NOT listening to the recorded conference calls on this forum, PLEASE PLEASE order Joel & Kathy's seminars on DVD. Watch some of the segments - they are on the websites and on this forum, too. If your beloved has not yet read the books OR perhaps would prefer to listen to them, please order those as well.

 

I posted something last December about the possibility that because you are a pastor that the fact that the congregation is looking at you as if you have your life together and that you are a great husband, that this HURTS your wife -- because she KNOWS that you have not been a good husband, you had been quite a lousy husband.

Being in the ministry is your livelihood and brings some type of security to the "homestead" structure, however if your wife is going off the deep-end please consider this as a reason why - she does not want you looking like a hero when you are not there yet ==

 

WHEN she really believes that you are gungho 100% FOR laying down your life for her, she will allow ML.

 

Since you have not been on the forum lately and not listening in on the phone calls, it is SOOOOOOO important that you listen to the conference call on "oxytocin, cortisol and testosterone" Since your lovely is going to be a doctor, this WILL intrigue her, too.

 

http://s3.amazonaws.com/jk_calls/july2010/Must_Listen_4_072110.mp3 Dr John Gray (author of Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars has written a new book reporting scientific studies done on husband/wife relationships and the effect on their bodies, especially in harming/helping the wife!

 

We would strongly encourage your WIFE to post on this forum -- to share her thoughts without condemnation.

 

continue to bless your wife every day in every way --

 

prayerfully for your consideration,

June of

[J_W]

Please let us know how life is going for you and your bride.

 

We are hopeful that you are growing closer.... and that you will share more of your story with those on the forum, especially for those who are trying to win their wife's heart back.

 

 

Blessings,

June of

[Tigger]

U,

 

We miss you, please, as June said keep us posted. I was all excited to see a notification come into my e-mail that there was an update on your thread. Sadly, it was not you. June, not saying it is not good to see you here too, I think you understand, since we are both trying to be updated. Come on U, it has been like 4+ months, what's happening??

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger