Starting Fresh

[flyboy]

The "dream job" question isn't on the bank account so not sure what she was after. Maybe the cell? I'm really trying here so if Pink can tell me what she was trying to get in to when she came acrossed it.

 

She can log in to the bank account and then look under the security center tab on the left side of the page. On there is a tab that will show you ALL of the security questions with answers.

[flyboy]

Still in a holding pattern waiting to hear from Pink what I can do to heal her heart. Something came through the channels yesterday about the money that I withdrew.

 

I can see how that pattern would really hurt her, I didn't mean to hurt her but that dosn't make a difference at the end of the day. I am trying to write an apology letter to her and I will work this in. It is an area that completely confuses me but my heart is for Pink and I will do anything to show her my love for her and hope that I eventually earn her complete trust.

 

I have been on the calls every day, and luckily have been able to get on to both the Men's call and the couples call on Tues/Thurs. I would love it if Pink would open up and talk on the couples call. I promise to listen with a loving heart like I should have done in the beginning. I have been doing these things to honor my wife and learn how to be a good husband. It didn't have anything to do with her list, I did it with a loving heart. If there is something else that I can be doing right now I would love to hear it. It's not so much having a "list" its more of just knowing that I am not wasting time right now doing the wrong things. I feel like I am in the middle of a mine field, and only Pink has the map but when I ask she has turned and walked away to see if I can figure it out. Of course I understand that it is due to how I have handled things in the past so please don't think that I am blame shifting or anything along those lines. Maybe that would have been best for the men's call?

 

The way that I look at myself is a big dumb dog that just wants to love. So I'm jumping around, swinging my tail in love and knocking the heck out of everybody around me. I'm just untrained but my heart has been for Pink the whole time. Then when I came across wrong on here I was hurt because it was taken wrong. So I compounded it and made matters much worse and in the process hurt Pink even more. I'm trying very hard to just listen and work through this towards making my wife extremely blessed.

 

I do need to apologize again to the helpers because of my defensiveness. Mrs. Clean I do appreciate your words, I am sorry that I come across like I do. I love Pink so very much and it scares me to think that I am hurting my wife so badly when all I have ever wanted is to bless and honor her. She is an amazing and beautifull woman and I am very honored and blessed by her. There were many questions that I had for God in the years leading up to meeting Pink and God answered every one of them with Pink and her children.

 

I don't know what I am supposed to do around the finances, and will be trying to get some guidance from Joel on the men's call. I'm waiting and listening right now...it's amazing how many other men have the same issue today...God does work in mysterious ways.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

I can see how that pattern would really hurt her, I didn't mean to hurt her but that dosn't make a difference at the end of the day. I am trying to write an apology letter to her and I will work this in. It is an area that completely confuses me but my heart is for Pink and I will do anything to show her my love for her and hope that I eventually earn her complete trust.

 

I hope so, too. You need to admit that you have been controlling and abusive with the money in the past. And then stop there. No excuses and no reasons why. Just say that you were controlling and abusive. The reasons why are what lose Pink's respect and trust. If there is always a good reason why to do these things, then she is not ever going to feel like there ISN'T going to be a reason...do you understand?

 

I have been on the calls every day, and luckily have been able to get on to both the Men's call and the couples call on Tues/Thurs. I would love it if Pink would open up and talk on the couples call. I promise to listen with a loving heart like I should have done in the beginning. I have been doing these things to honor my wife and learn how to be a good husband. It didn't have anything to do with her list, I did it with a loving heart. If there is something else that I can be doing right now I would love to hear it. It's not so much having a "list" its more of just knowing that I am not wasting time right now doing the wrong things. I feel like I am in the middle of a mine field, and only Pink has the map but when I ask she has turned and walked away to see if I can figure it out. Of course I understand that it is due to how I have handled things in the past so please don't think that I am blame shifting or anything along those lines. Maybe that would have been best for the men's call?

 

She walked away from you because you hurt her a bazillion and one times, and if she told you yet again how to avoid the mines, instead of listening to her, you would come here and complain to us how you are doing everything right, and there must be something wrong with your wife because no matter what you do, she is not happy. That is how you have presented her here since day one. "Too wounded from her previous marriage and how badly her first hubby treated her" Instead of, "so wounded from how I (Flyboy)have been abusing her..."

 

So, at this point, you are on your own in your own mine field...that was created by YOU. You dug each one of those holes, so you should be able to figure out where each one is. Pink was right next to you, working through the minefield with you, and that wasn't good enough for you...and you made no progress...so you lost that priveledge. It will take time to earn her trust back. Time and Patience.

The way that I look at myself is a big dumb dog that just wants to love. So I'm jumping around, swinging my tail in love and knocking the heck out of everybody around me. I'm just untrained but my heart has been for Pink the whole time. Then when I came across wrong on here I was hurt because it was taken wrong. So I compounded it and made matters much worse and in the process hurt Pink even more. I'm trying very hard to just listen and work through this towards making my wife extremely blessed.

 

Ummm...no. Saying you are a big dumb dog would be way too generous. What you have been is a cunning predator...something like a tiger or even a hyena...silently lurking...because yes....you APPETITE is for Pink...to devour her...to own her. Your HEART has not been for her yet. You successfully stalked her and "won" her and got her to marry you and breed with you...and since then you've methodically done everything you can to keep her with you...including berating her, picking on her and pushing her buttons until she goes nuts and starts being physical with you. Then you use that fact to pick on her even more and embarass her. You have made sure to let her know that she is so broken, so unimaginably annoying and unlovable that nobody except you will ever want her.

 

Yes, it was because you "loved" her in your own special way.

 

But we want you to learn to love her in the Christlike way. You are now on that path...but you are in a holding pattern...and you must be patient here. Funny, patience is a fruit of the Spirit. So, get as close as you can to God so that His Spirit will inhabit you.

I do need to apologize again to the helpers because of my defensiveness. Mrs. Clean I do appreciate your words, I am sorry that I come across like I do. I love Pink so very much and it scares me to think that I am hurting my wife so badly when all I have ever wanted is to bless and honor her. She is an amazing and beautifull woman and I am very honored and blessed by her. There were many questions that I had for God in the years leading up to meeting Pink and God answered every one of them with Pink and her children.

You don't need to apologize to me. It doesn't bother me, I am used to having guys like you not like me. Some kind helper worked with my now ex husband when he was trying to do this. But I always liked it when my ex would come back and apologize to the helpers...so I'm sure this does make Pink feel better and validated her. Good.

I don't know what I am supposed to do around the finances, and will be trying to get some guidance from Joel on the men's call. I'm waiting and listening right now...it's amazing how many other men have the same issue today...God does work in mysterious ways.

 

That's a great idea. Joel can help you think things through, and he will not mince words...he will give it to you straight. I believe Pink just wants to have your respect...your REAL respect...not just your words. And I believe she wants to have her say in how the money is spent...and she doesn't want to have to ask you for money...she wants to be able to take care of things herself when necessary. She doesn't want to be treated like a child, a prisoner, an employee...she wants to be treated like your very precious wife...the jewel in your crown. Anything short of that would just be a waste of her time and yours.

 

Hang in there, Flyboy. You are doing well, you are FINALLY making a little bit of progress. I have literally been watching you fall behind and get worse and worse for months. You are finally taking steps forward now. So keep doing this. Keep a spirit of humility about you, and constantly stay in touch with the Lord...you will need him. Keep on the phone calls, and if you can, post when you think of it about things you learned on them, or things that you took note of. In case Pink is reading. These things will also help her learn to trust you again.

 

Also when you are reading the books and/or the Bible...post things that mean something to you when you get a chance...these things as well will help Pink to understand what you are doing and where your heart REALLY lies.

 

Take Care,

(you both are in my prayers)

Julie

[flyboy]

Mrs Clean I wanted to first off say thank you for your time with this. I am slowly getting this ministry, and there are times that I still want to revert to my old self. It was extrememly hard for me to read your last post, but I have read every word several times trying to glean the information from it. I don't see everything that you are saying, but I am not giving up and will take this to God and see what truth there is in your words that my pride is not allowing me to see.

[flyboy]

I got to see Pink today. I went to church and she was there. I was trying to give her her Mother's Day present with out over stepping my bounds. We had a great talk ( I HOPE) and a few things got cleared up I think. Not sure if you can tell me if I screwed up or not.....I just want to love her and persue her for the rest of our lives..not just today.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Flyboy,

 

I know you really want to see Pink, and begin to bring her healing...but you MUST respect the boundaries she has put in place for you.

 

She does not feel safe with you as a result of all the things that have gone on between the two of you.

 

So, running into her at church should have been limited to a "hello." I know you need to pursue her...so asking to give her presents is fine...but when she sent 631 out to retrieve the gifts, you should have gotten the hint.

 

Also, have you been to the house recently? You really must respect the boundaries put in place by her. That is one of the ways you will begin to earn back her trust. So, if you need to come by the house (not sure what arrangement you two have worked out) you need to text her and let her know. A little hint as well...if there is anything you can do to BLESS her at the house, you should ask. Does the lawn need mowed? Does the garbage need taken out? Don't you have animals that need to be fed? So, IF you are allowed to go to the house, or have a reason to be there, why not bless her in the process?

 

You are doing great, but you must try to forget your desire to see her and communicate with her once again, and just think about Pink, Pink, Pink. Also, take this time to really get close to God. Everytime you desire to speak to or see Pink, and you can't...go to God. Cry out to Him, read His Word, pray. You will be surprised how much stronger this will make you, and God will bless you during this time...and it will become a time of growth for you!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[flyboy]

Hey thanks Mrs. Clean. Yes I did go to the house, it was to drop off some time sensitive gifts. Nothing big just something that had meaning to her. Other than that no I haven't gone over to the house unless cleared to do so. My thought had been to walk up, knock on the door and leave so that way she would get them but I wouldn't be pushing her limits. When she wasn't home I figured out that she had gone with her parents to church, and I thought that would be a safe place to try to talk to her.

 

I went to church knowing she was going to be there to give her those things, and when I saw her I asked her for permission to sit down and talk. I didn't want to upset her, but if she was going to let me talk to her I was going to take full advantage. We talked for awhile and I asked her how she wanted me to go about getting those things to her. I had parked near her Dad but not right next to them so that way it didn't look like I was trying to force the issue. I asked her if I should just leave the things on her dads truck but she told me she would meet me outside in a few minutes. I went outside to wait and 631 came out instead. Don't get me wrong he's a good guy but not who I was hoping to see.

 

When 631 came out instead of Pink to get the gifts I was confused and hurt. I didn't push the matter however and even joked with 631. He told me that he was Pink for today and after I handed him the gifts I told him that I would ask to kiss "her" on the cheek but that he hadn't shaved..... yah it was funny at the time.

 

Anyways, the only things I have texted Pink have been positive...unless I am coming across wrong which very may well be. Only Pink can say if they have been received well.

 

If I hurt Pink I apologize and won't try that again. I was just trying to pursue like I have been told to do. I don't know what is too far, and what is not far enough any more. Like I said my heart is for Pink and will do what ever she wants me to do.

 

I offered to watch the girls for her if she needs a break and if there is anything at all that I can do around the house to let me know. I am trying to bless her in every way that I can but without the communication I don't know if I am doing the right thing or if it is being received in the manner in which I am trying to give it to her.

 

Anyways, late for class again got to run. Thanks again for your time.

[flyboy]

Can I ask you what you meant by after she sent 631 out that I should have gotten the hint?

 

Did I do something wrong around that portion of it? I thought I handled it correctly, I didn't get upset or try to find her. Her Dad had moved their truck to the front to pick her mom up so when I left I turned in the opposite direction. Even though I wanted dearly for some sort of "goodbye" type smile or something to stoke my heart for the coming cold, I didn't. (Not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to clarify and learn so if I come across wrong please let me know so I can correct myself.)

 

I don't really expect an answer from Pink, but would it have been pursuing her if I had just said "hello" like you advised?

 

That was my opportunity to speak with her and show her my heart...I asked for permission and told her that I would leave if she wanted. She told me that I was welcome and even handed me our daughter without me having to ask permission. I thought it was a welcome moment for us to be able to converse and felt that it had gone pretty well over all.

 

I guess that's why I was surprised she sent 631 out instead, but I didn't fight it or argue. I did ask him what happened, but it wasn't to fight my point or anything it was because I wanted to know if I had screwed up and pushed her further away.

[flyboy]

The "agreement" was that I was to ask permission to come over before hand. So I began doing that, and working on her list of things that she wanted done so that we could talk again.

 

I completed the list, tried to communicate with her before coming over and now with the black out I don't know how I am supposed to go about trying to help with the things around the house.

 

Before she told me to schedule time, I stopped by on a Sunday and she wasn't home. I noticed the yard needed mowing so I did it. I also planted some raspberry bushes for her and a grape that we had planned on making an arbor for. That was the day she told me to schedule time to come over. I didn't argue or fight her, that was something she needed so I did it. Then the next week she went totally dark on me.

 

I communicate through 631, but time at the house to do chores hasn't been something I have heard back on. I'm not trying to fight here or be defensive I'm just trying to communicate as many ways as possible that my heart is for Pink and am trying to do whatever she needs. If she needs me to stop texting her directly I will do so, but without hearing anything I don't know for sure.

 

I do get feedback from you and 631, (which at times seems to contradict each other so I try to split it down the middle so to speak) so I am NOT complaining or crying for myself. I'm trying to figure out what to do to make Pink blessed and loved without wasting anybody's time or worse MUCH WORSE, hurting Pink further.

[flyboy]

I got word today that my past apologies to Pink for the physical violence haven't been received. I sent her a text attempting to apologize again but not sure if it was received or what I need to address. I'll put the text on here and please let me know if I am not doing this correctly.

 

" I am so sorry that I hurt you by throwing the bananas at you. I am sorry that I have ever touched you out of anything but love. Please forgive me for abusing you. I was hoping to do this where you could hear my voice and hear the truth in it. I will forever be sorry. Please forgive me for not listening to your heart and being defensive."

[flyboy]

Pink's friend from high school is interested in buying the truck. Problem is he doesn't have all of the money up front. He wants to do a down payment and then monthly payments while we hold on to the truck for him. I was thinking of going with it as long as he could have it paid off in a year. We would keep the truck down in the woods in a safe place until it was all paid off. That would solve the selling of the truck and our current financial emergency. We would write up a contract w monthly payment amount and times. If he didn't pay by a certain day then he would pretty much lose his money, just like any other car payment. Or maybe we could say that we would give him half back AFTER the truck was sold? I don't know just [dead] brain storming.

 

What do you think Pink? Let me know how you feel about this and any questions you might have when you get the chance.

[flyboy]

I do not want to start a fight, I just need to understand something.

 

We have 90 dollars in our joint account right now, and she won't tell me how much is in her private. She told me she is broke though, and doesn't have the money to pay the power bill. I asked her what happened to her savings money and the check the VA sent me and she told me she used them to pay her bills.

 

I get on the joint account though, and there are all of her bills being paid out of it. Meanwhile I still have a truck payment due and no money for gas to last me.

 

The VA check I have asked her for over a week about, because I was needing to use it to pay my truck payment. She just told me that she deposited it in her private account, and that there is enough in our joint to pay the truck. I am sure at the time that she thought there was, but now there is 90 dollars.

 

I think the only thing I have bought in the last three weeks is food and gas. I did buy myself a new package of socks and a t-shirt so I hope that is ok. Oh wait I lied I also had to buy brakes for the truck, they were metal to metal, and a book from Ken Nair which I ordered and picked up yesterday. I will keep thinking to make sure I haven't bought anything else.

 

Just to make sure you know I am not trying to play "poor me" I am trying to show Pink that I am not out playing and living the high life while she sits at home. If I come across wrong here I will more than gladly restate it as well as apologize for hurting her.

 

This is exactly what I was afraid of and the kind of things that her ex did to her. By that I mean spending all of their joint money and leaving her with none to live off of. I am sure she is protecting herself from that same hurt, and I understand that. I am SO not trying to do that, but I will have to just prove it to her. I understand she needs that safety blanket of having the income to feel safe, but I also have things that I have to pay for like food, gas and truck payment.

 

I called and spoke to Joel and he advised me to go get the pay day loan through our bank and to keep it so that I would have gas money. I just want to make sure that Pink knows that I am NOT trying to control her around this. I would absolutely LOVE to talk about this on the phone call or something? This email/text communication has reached it's limits and if we want any hope of having a place to stay at the intensive then we need to get on the same sheet of music.

 

I also upset her because this morning. Before I knew just how broke we were, I told her that I would TRY to get her a motel room at the end of the month for her family camping trip. I was trying to show her that I loved her, and that she was more important to me than myself (if that makes sense) but I instead triggered her hurt and she became upset with me. My thought was that I had a few weeks to figure something out to honor and bless her.

 

I don't know what I said wrong, but I would love to be able to figure that out so I can apologize correctly. As it stands I have apologized for hurting her, but I don't know exactly how I did so.

 

If I come across wrong on here at all please let me know so I can correct myself and apologize. I am not trying to play a victim here and can completely see how Pink is protecting herself. I don't blame her, and I am so sorry that I added to those hurts. I am praying for the chance to heal those things that are causing her such hurt.

[flyboy]

I wanted to apologize to all of the helpers that have attempted to get through to me. I have struggled to open myself up and be vulnerable to you as well as my beautiful wife Pink. I appreciate all of the hard work and effort that you have given me, a perfect stranger.

 

I acted like a child on here, and instead of listening I argued. I forgot that the people who were taking time out of their lives to give me advice were actually real people and I treated you with disrespect. While treating you with disrespect I demanded that you give it to me and that embarrasses me.

 

I am working on becoming more Christlike in every moment of my life so please accept my deep heartfelt apology for my attitude and disrespect.

[hope]

What do you think Pink? Let me know how you feel about this and any questions you might have when you get the chance.

 

Sounds good to me. Text me how much the down payment is.

 

(from Pink, posted by Hope)

Edited May 12, 2010 by hope

[flyboy]

Ok I will forward the details to you when I confirm them as well as provide you with a copy of the "contract". We may have waited too long, I called the guy this morning after getting off of the phone with Joel and he hasn't called back.

 

Is it ok to make this kind of deal in the future? The problem right now I think is the lag time between somebody calling, me being able to show the truck and actually talking "turkey"

 

Now that the truck is moved it solves the first two, and if I get the green light I'll go with the payments on the third immediately.

 

Another option has been for me to pull the motor/tranny and lower the price. I had three guys that were really interested in that but again the lag time kind of killed the momentum. I will call them again and offer a further discount to see if I can get a deal done.

 

I will make this the top priority unless I hear otherwise. Also an interesting note, I haven't gotten a single phone call on it since I moved it. I wonder if it is harder to see where it is? It is kind of surprising so it may be a fluke. Prayers to sell this thing would be greatly appreciated!

[pink]

We have 90 dollars in our joint account right now, and she won't tell me how much is in her private. She told me she is broke though, and doesn't have the money to pay the power bill. I asked her what happened to her savings money and the check the VA sent me and she told me she used them to pay her bills.

 

I get on the joint account though, and there are all of her bills being paid out of it. Meanwhile I still have a truck payment due and no money for gas to last me.

I have only spent money on gas, groceries, swim lessons for the girls, and feed for the animals. I had to use money out of the joint account as the savings was used to pay other bills. Still yet to pay is the power and garbage bills.

 

 

The VA check I have asked her for over a week about, because I was needing to use it to pay my truck payment. She just told me that she deposited it in her private account, and that there is enough in our joint to pay the truck. I am sure at the time that she thought there was, but now there is 90 dollars.

631 texted you last week and let you know I needed it for a dental bill. There was enough in the account until I discovered the phone bill, tv service and internet were overdue and needed to be paid.

 

I did buy myself a new package of socks and a t-shirt so I hope that is ok.

I'm not sure why you needed to spend the little money we do have on socks and a t-shirt when you have drawers full of t-shirts and socks here at the house that I would have set out for you.

 

This is exactly what I was afraid of and the kind of things that her ex did to her. By that I mean spending all of their joint money and leaving her with none to live off of. I am sure she is protecting herself from that same hurt, and I understand that. I am SO not trying to do that, but I will have to just prove it to her. I understand she needs that safety blanket of having the income to feel safe, but I also have things that I have to pay for like food, gas and truck payment.

My fears may have started from my ex, but were reinforced by a recent threat you made to take your name off the bank account so I would be left with the overdraft fees.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Flyboy,

 

I'm sorry if it seems like I don't know what to say, but I don't.

 

I definitely want to help you two, but I don't want to do the wrong thing, or advise either of you in a way that would be against the intent of this ministry and/or Joel's direction.

 

I'm just waiting for some help from the other helpers before I advise you any futher.

 

Definitely, if in doubt, take Joel's advice.

 

But of course, ALWAYS put Pink in front of Joel.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Well, there you go, Flyboy...now you have some communication from Pink...and some stuff to work on, right?

 

Don't make her regret this communication with you,okay?

 

Take Care,

Julie

[flyboy]

Thank you for that insight Pink! I appreciate that greatly!

 

Let me read over it carefully and edit my response so I don't upset you any more than I all ready have.

 

Thank you Mrs. Clean for your input as well.

 

Sorry this is so short, I am out of time.

[flyboy]

Here is a quote from Pink. Unfortunately I don't know how to do it like you guys, maybe one day I'll be cool enough to learn.

 

"I've been reading "Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them" and something really stood out to me. "I Peter 3:7-9 (How a husband should treat his wife.) A husband should live as follows, considerately, intelligently, recognizing the marriage relationship, honoring the woman as physically weaker, recognizing the equality (joint heirs of grace), one in the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing with his wife, loving his wife compassionately, courteously, tender-heartedly, humble-mindedly, never returning evil for evil, never returning insult for insult, never scolding, never given to tongue lashing, never berating, always blessing, praying for his wife's welfare and happiness, praying for his wife's protection, truly empathizing, truly loving....If a husband will follow this pattern, the family will be blessed as a unit. If a man rebels against these principles, his prayers will be hindered and cut off and he will not be able to pray effectively....The only prayer that God hears from an abusive man is repentance."

 

I am so sorry Pink that I have failed you on this. I know it doesn't make it any better but I started out with the intention to be everything above but I lost my way. I am trying to clear my mind of my selfishness and to open my heart and become vulnerable to you. Please forgive me for hurting you so much, and then making it worse by being defensive. You are an amazing help-meet and an answer to my prayers. Thank you for opening up and posting on here again, it gives me hope that I am going to be able to become the man that you deserve.

[flyboy]

Oh yeah real quick, I have been re-reading book 1 and have found some useful things in there. I had a mindful of it to write about on here, but when I saw Pink's post I kind of lost it all. I will have to go back and get the book out of the truck and remind myself what I was going to ask. Just wanted Pink to know that I have been working hard on trying to learn how to honor and bless her with a servants heart.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Good job, Flyboy.

 

Pink, if you are reading this, I remember that same paragraph really hitting me, as well. It was like validation..."so THAT is what I have been waiting for all of this time!"

 

That and the last sentence...the only prayer God hears from a bad husband is a prayer of repentance. With repentance comes a downpour of grace and forgiveness and filling with the Holy Spirit that will allow, you, Flyboy to live in an understanding way with your wife.

 

You should committ that paragraph to memory, Flyboy...I bet memorizing it would really make Pink feel good!

 

Take care,

Julie

[flyboy]

Well there is a first time for everything! Memorizing quotes or scripture has never ever been something that I have been good at but I will give it everything I can to do so. Thank you for the advice!

 

I have been reading Discovering the Mind of a Woman, as well as J&K's book one as well as trying to dive into the bible more...as well as trying to keep up with school. Feel completely rejuvenated in one aspect and so worn down in others!

 

I found the radio station Air 1 which has helped refuel me immensely! The trip to Idaho to see my son was an amazingly powerful trip for me, where I was able to get clear of the noise and truly listen to God. I cried a lot and asked for guidance and forgiveness from my father for treating his blessing so poorly.

 

Somebody told me that in the beginning it would feel like having a fire hose in my mouth..just too much information at one time but to keep at it. That has been SO true and I have been trying to stick with it to become a better husband and father.

 

I can't wait to begin showing Pink my love for her. I hesitate to write to much on here about what I am doing, for fear that I will sound like I am doing it just to win her back. I want her to know that she is my focus in life, and that the message is sinking in. I also want her to know how deeply sorry I am for forgetting everything (it wasn't much to begin with) that I had known coming in to our marriage and focusing on myself rather than her needs.

 

Except last night I have been on the couples calls every night for at least an hour and more times than not it is 3-4 hours. I have been on every men's call for the last two weeks and have been reading the aforementioned books as well as the bible. I am working hard to become a better man, and want so badly to earn your trust back.

 

I would love the opportunity to apologize for what ever it was that I said that hurt you yesterday. I gave you a heartfelt blanket apology but I would love to address it directly if you can find it in your heart to trust me with the pain.

[flyboy]

I would like to ask a question,

 

What can I do to earn your trust enough to get to see the girls?

 

I miss you more than I ever could imagine but from what I understand you aren't ready to see me yet. Please don't think that I don't want to see you because I do! I would also however like to still be a part of our children's lives while I work through this.

[631]

Flyboy,

 

We have been texting a lot and I think it would be good to have some of my comments posted here so that they are easier to read, dwell on, and pray about. Some general thoughts I want to share...

 

The communication around money is a step for Pink to see if she feels safe communicating with you. This is a huge issue that has been holding her back. Now that she appears to be opening up some communication, make sure she feels safe in every way. By the way, Hope went through the accounts and didn't see any outrageous spending.

 

The feelings that you are struggling with here are the feelings that are most important for you to die to. A real heart change cannot occur until this happens. Pray for God to help you get this heart change.

 

Please, use me to help you think of ways to bless Pink; to identify the things she may need from you, or what she's waiting to see.

 

Be thinking WAY outside the box on how you can make something work rather than why it won't work. This was a big problem for me.

 

Remember to think about the things that you have done that have landed you in this predicament. Place yourself in her shoes and really try to feel what she's feeling right now. Pray that the Lord would help you truly feel what she's feeling.

 

I see you apologizing here on the forums. Continue to ask her for forgiveness for specific things where she ended up hurt emotionally or physically.

 

I noticed on your post blame being put on her for missed opportunities to sell the truck due to waiting for her responses. This does not help your case. A better way to handle this area of communication, similar to what Mrs. Clean suggested, is like this... "Babe, I have a guy willing to make payments on the truck. It will stay on the property until paid off. Obviously this isn't the ideal situation but I know how much we need the money right now. I am going to tell him by 4 pm this evening that we have a deal unless I hear back from you before then. I want to make sure you have had an opportunity to voice your opinion. I love you and again am so sorry for putting us in this place. I am committed to you and to getting this figured out. I love you and miss you so much. Flyboy". Then I would suggest you send it to me to make sure she received your original text as a back up. If you are going to be showing the truck to someone, stay within the time frames already set by her. Then send her a text like, "Babe, I am planning on showing the truck at 4 pm, a time when I know you will be away from the house. Please let me know by 2 pm if this is going to be a problem, otherwise I plan on meeting them at 4pm." Again, end it with comments like that above. Make sure any communication shows blessings to her.

 

Watch for opportunities to really reach out to her. You could offer "Since I will already be there close to the house, if you don't mind, I would love to be a blessing to you. I will mow the yard, feed the horses and my dog, and (whatever else you know would bless her). I know you will be back about 5:30. Anything I can get done and still be gone before you get back I will do. Please, let me know if you are not comfortable with this. I do not want to break any boundaries with you. If I don't hear from you I will assume you are ok with this." Make sure that in all contact you have with her, that she sees it as having been a blessing and that your focus is on her. Shoot me a text as well for verification that she received your text.

 

Continue to press into the Lord and ask for help. Mrs. Clean has been giving you some really good advice with her posts. Use her as well to help you with ideas. It is clear she has a heart for the restoration of your marriage, as we all do.

 

Hope this helps you understand a few things.

 

Can't imagine trying to text all this, although I did start to...

 

631

Edited May 14, 2010 by 631