He says he's willing to do what it takes...

[MaryJane]

Sweet!

 

Thanks for keeping us aware of life at your house. It's encouraging.

 

And that THAT did not go unnoticed...

 

Blessings to you both -- and to those dear children!

[Mr. Clean]

Wow! A lot has gone on since I've been on the forum last! That'll teach me to wait so long, huh? Sorry, sweetie. Beeing on call has been extremely difficult for my darling wife! I wish there was a simple fix for that. Hopefully we can move closer to my work soon. That will help. Save two hours a day. I only had to spend one night away last time on call, and only because she wanted me to, so she could relax and go to bed. I have been spending as little time with my brother and sister-in-law as possible. They weren't there very often when I was there, and hadn't spent the night in that house until after I was off call. As far as me knowing she was pregnant hun, I really didn't. I had seen her a couple of times the past couple of months, and thought she had a little tummy, so I asked her and my brother if she was pregnant. They denied it, so I didn't think anything about it. She really didn't look "definately pregnant" until the day we met them for lunch. Then we were both sure! I didn't say anything about it before, because I really didn't know! There are so many things more important that we talk about every night, and I know you really get uncomfortable when we talk about them, so I try not to. I should have told you that I suspected she might be pregnant. I'm sorry it slipped my mind. I don't keep any secrets from you! You are my life! We are one flesh!

 

I'm sorry you have felt overwhelmed lately. I constantly tell you that I love you for who you are, not for what you think you should be doing! You do not have to earn my love! You have it! Unconditionally! I am happy to do things for our family when I get home from work. I love giving our boys baths, and playing with them so you can do something else, and cooking (not so much dishes, but do them anyway! lol). I will work harder to bring you different kinds of "life". Feel free to talk to me about anything whenever you are feeling unhappy. I will give you a safe place. Sorry it takes me so long to get on the internet. I read and type like a 5 year old! Which coincidentally is about my arrested age! I'm growin up fast! lol

 

I am working hard to improve my relationship with Kasie. She has her ups and downs. I am trying hard to initiate positively to her. It has been hard sometimes when she gets so verbally and even physically abusive. Julie and I have been doing well talking through behavioral issues and discipline. She's been a real handfull when she gets back from her dad's house. Her father lets her treat him very poorly(abusive) when she's with him, then it takes her a while to get back to normal when she gets back. Different rules at different homes makes it hard on everybody. (Don't worry, Julie approved of me talking about this before I posted it.) I love her dearly. She reminds me of her Mama some times.......difficult, but well worth it! lol. Just kidding sweetie. Gotcha!

 

Can't wait for our cruise!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 more days! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhaaaaaaawwwwwwwww! Mama and Daddy need a vacation! We both plan on not fitting in our pants when we return! lol.

 

I love you soooooo much sweetie! You're my hero!!!!!!!!!

Damon

[dory]

Nice update. Thanks for posting.

 

She's been a real handfull when she gets back from her dad's house. Her father lets her treat him very poorly(abusive) when she's with him, then it takes her a while to get back to normal when she gets back. Different rules at different homes makes it hard on everybody.

 

Back when my older two kids were younger and would go to their father's house (to be spoiled), we would refer their return as the "monday morning re-entry". Kinda like the rough ride in for the shuttle when it passes in thru the atmosphere, coming in from outer space. It took a day or so for them to re-acclimate their behavior to our rules.

[Tigger]

Dory,

 

You absolutely made me laugh!! I love it. Mr. and Mrs.Clean, go enjoy your cruise. Have the Honeymoon you did not have in August with 2 little guys in the room with you . Take each and every moment you can for yourselves, enjoy, cruising is sooooo much fun!!

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[dory]

Back when my older two kids were younger and would go to their father's house (to be spoiled), we would refer their return as the "monday morning re-entry". Kinda like the rough ride in for the shuttle when it passes in thru the atmosphere, coming in from outer space. It took a day or so for them to re-acclimate their behavior to our rules.

 

My oldest daughter adds.... I remember when we used to come home from dad's house and mom would check our tummy and say we would gain a few pounds. It was true we were getting spoiled by his food. But now that he has digestive problems we are eating fish. LOL I am so happy.

 

Coming home to mom's cooking is so satisfying.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Dory,

 

Yes...I actually weigh my daughter before she leaves for her dads...not for her, but for HIM. She has a weight problem, and because of her Turner Syndrome, she is more likely to have diabetes and heart problems, etc...so it is even MORE important to us to keep her at a healthy weight. Of course, her father says he cares...but the junk that she eats there is just overwhelming. I know I would probalby have a coronary if I knew exactly what she is fed over there.

 

So, now that we are "watching" her food intake per the endocrinologist...I weigh her occasionally (not my fault it happens when she's going to his house) and I let him know how we are doing. Nothing like keeping the pressure on HIM to be good.

 

She is the best eater when she is here. Eats what we put in front of her and doesn't fuss much.

 

Thanks Dory and Tigger for your input, it is much appreciated. My husband is such a good man, and I feel blessed to have him. I love him so much and can't wait to spend a week of quality time with him. Please pray that my UTI gets better by the cruise, because it has really been bothering me! I got medicine from the doctor for it yesterday, but I'm kind of worried, because it's still really causing me problems!

 

Love you all, and I'm sure I'll post more when we return from our honeymoon!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[dory]

Heavenly Father, we thank you and we praise you for this young couple Julie and Damon. We thank you that you have worked in their lives to reunite them in the most powerful way - in a way that will serve your kingdom well in helping other marriages. We come before you today with a special requests to make them physically well to be able to enjoy the celebration of their new covenant on their honeymoon. We ask that you send your healing spirit into Julie's body and drive out any harmful bacteria that could jeopardize their celebrations. We ask you to keep them safe and to keep their children safe while they are away. We thank you for all the mercy and grace you have poured out onto each one of us here on this forum. Most especially we thank you for the sacrifice of your son Jesus Christ who came to save all of us from ourselves. For it is in his name that we pray. Amen

[J_W]

Dory,

 

Yes...I actually weigh my daughter before she leaves for her dads...not for her, but for HIM. She has a weight problem, and because of her Turner Syndrome, she is more likely to have diabetes and heart problems, etc...so it is even MORE important to us to keep her at a healthy weight. Of course, her father says he cares...but the junk that she eats there is just overwhelming. I know I would probalby have a coronary if I knew exactly what she is fed over there.

 

So, now that we are "watching" her food intake per the endocrinologist...I weigh her occasionally (not my fault it happens when she's going to his house) and I let him know how we are doing. Nothing like keeping the pressure on HIM to be good.

 

She is the best eater when she is here. Eats what we put in front of her and doesn't fuss much.

 

Thanks Dory and Tigger for your input, it is much appreciated. My husband is such a good man, and I feel blessed to have him. I love him so much and can't wait to spend a week of quality time with him. Please pray that my UTI gets better by the cruise, because it has really been bothering me! I got medicine from the doctor for it yesterday, but I'm kind of worried, because it's still really causing me problems!

 

Love you all, and I'm sure I'll post more when we return from our honeymoon!

 

Take Care,

Julie

 

Please take the AZO -- it will help you with the symptoms

 

Be sure to take probiotics and/or eat yogurt on your cruise, too!

HOPE YOU HAVE A FABULOUS TIME!

 

NO weapon formed by the devil shall prosper -- get thee away satan!

 

 

Blessings,

June of

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Thanks, Ladies for your prayers!

 

No silly bacteria are gonna get in our way!

 

I think the antibiotics are working, but yes, I will be stopping by the healthfood store tomorrow for some probiotics...cause we don't want that other issue happening...

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Mr. Clean]

Woooooooo-hoooooooooooo!

 

What a great week! An awesome cruise, with an awesome woman!!!!! We had soooo much fun! My favorite week ever, with my favorite person ever!!!!!!!!! Only bad thing it resulted in is me probably gaining 20 lbs! lol. Sooooooooo much food! I think we ate every 2 hours! At least we got a little exercise doing the zipline, scuba diving, shopping, and a few other aerobic activities! It was a honeymoon after all!!!!!!!!

 

I can't talk anymore, have to take a cute little redhead out on a much anticipated date! Double feature in 3D!!!!!!! I'm sure my beautiful wife will fill in the details about the cruise! I'm just empressed with myself for getting on the forum and posting before my beautiful wife had a chance to! lol. A record! lol.

 

God bless,

Mr. Clean

[MaryJane]

I'm all smiles for you both!

 

 

(Although that shows only about half. This sober board won't allow the expression of any more happiness...)

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Hey all. It's been a while since I posted on our string. I guess we just got busy being happy, and kind of got sidetracked with that. Silly old happiness, thing!

 

We are all sick right now with the flu. It is HORRIBLE! Both boys, myself, Damon...we're all sick. The only healthy one is my daughter, Kasie. It's been a really tough week for us. I woke up sick on Monday, and Damon went to work. My mom came over and took the boys for me, and cooked soup for us for dinner. Then on Wednesday, Damon woke up sick and stayed home from work, and he stayed home on Thursday. I ended up finally having to take the boys to the doctor yesterday...and one has just a cold and the other has a double ear infection. Yuck!

 

So, Damon and I have been challenged by that. He's been home most of the week, which I normally enjoy...but I think he's gotten bored or something because he's been joking with me and picking on me a lot. That makes me tense, because that's like the "old" Damon. Plus, I'm PMS'ing, so I take everything personally...so that makes it even worse. We are in a rut!

 

I talked to him today because we started actually FIGHTING with each other which hasn't happened since, ummmm....Mothers Day back in May. Very NOT LIKE US. I told him I wanted us to get on the call tonight. Because we actually got to the point where he said, "so you get an excuse to act like a b**** all you want and I just have to take it?" This was in response to me telling him to stop "responding" like a woman because i did not want to be married to a woman! These are all OLD arguments that we had a long time ago when we were, ahem, ummmm, less mature.

 

He turned it around and apologized, and let me tell him how on edge all of his teasing and grumpiness has made me during this last week. He let me say that I'm NOT crazy, and I don't need medication for severe PMS (he told me that when we were arguing), I am a normal woman who is responding to her feelings of fear over her husband returning to his "old" self. Very typical, I think.

 

I actually had an anxiety attack in the bathtub the other night because of all of this. So, it has been pretty tough.

 

Anyway, seems like we're back on track this afternoon, and he's being good to me and like his old self...but I still want to get on the call and get some help. He and I both said that he needs to learn how to give life while he's still sick. I am totally prepared to give him grace when he's sick. He doesn't have to be perfect or even close, just better than it's been recently.

 

He's doing good right now...he won't stop touching my, ummm, chest while I'm typing this. This kind of joking around I can handle!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Kay]

Hey Julie,

 

As of now, Bob and I are running the call. I am happy to help you, because I know exactly what you go through, when the "old man" comes back, and also can relate when the "new man" returns. The story of my life. (btw... that's a yawn) Damon, glad to hear that you recovered! For you to recover this quickly, especially since the new man has only been around for a few months, is really amazing! We do have to work on that B word, though.

 

Joel and Kathy really helped me out a lot, last week, when we tanked........... I'll pass on the knowledge, and maybe, if you're really lucky, the great Bob will even add something!

 

I'm praying for ya all to get over being sick! No fun!

Kay

[MaryJane]

Thanks for the post, Mrs. Clean. I was relieved to read the "happy ending"! And I think it's very mature of you both to be getting on the call tonight!

 

[Kay]

What a dork I am. THought it was Sunday, so I guess it won't be us helping you. Sorry

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

That's okay, Kay.

 

As of now, he's NOT on the call. He's in bed "sleeping."

 

We had another "discussion" this evening where I tried to share my heart with him about how I'm feeling and it didn't go well in my opinion. I basically told him that because he's sick and has been sitting on the couch all day (and all day Wed and Thurs) watching movies and basically being unresponsive, I felt like he was the "old" Damon...because that is what the old Damon would do. He would lay in bed and watch TV or Movies for days...sometimes weeks. And I would take care of the family, serve him in bed, clean up for him and think that if I loved on him enough, he'd come out of his "depression" and be a husband. So, here I am, having flashbacks of my old marriage...my old life that he PROMISED I would never have to go back to. I tried really hard to give him grace today. I tried to be patient and loving. I cooked him breakfast. I even had a burst of energy and I clean the floors and the kitchen and did some laundry to try and make things seem more relaxing around the house for him. But occasionally, he would say things that just set me off. I don't know if I'm wrong to be upset by them...but here are some examples:

I was playing The price is right on Facebook. It has a little "chat" area at the bottom of the game. I moved onto the couch next to him and asked him to play it with me, and while he was sitting with me, playing with me, I typed a message to a person asking if they were memorizing the prices or writing them down, because they were getting them exactly right. He FREAKED OUT and said, "DO YOU KNOW THAT'S a CHAT ROOM?" I said that I hadn't realized it, and he went off on me, "well, I'm going to go get on a chat room and start chatting with women!" I just felt bombarded. He was using his loud voice and his angry eyes, which I haven't seen in a really long time. Later, when he came into the kitchen, I tried to talk to him about it. This was a few hours later. I told him that I am happy to not play that game, because it is just a silly game and in no way important enough to me to make him the slightest bit uncomfortable. However, the way he spoke to me about the game was inappropriate. I told him he should have just said something like, "I really don't like you being in chat rooms, that's something very dangerous that Joel and Kathy are against." I would have been more than happy to get off of the game and give him a hug and thank him for loving me enough to point that out to me. Instead, I just feel abused and hurt and more so a prisoner of a life I was lucky enough to get OUT OF back in February.

 

His choices in movies. He's been watching movies all day, and I've been trying to get him to pick one that I might like. He's been consistently picking more and more violent ones to watch. The one he picked around 4 or 5 o clock was a doozie. There were half naked girls, lots of sex, lots of violence and fighting. And here our little boys are in the room watching this. I just felt totally uncomfortable...not to mention I really didn't want DAMON watching it. I mentioned that it was too violent and it had too much sex in it, but he just kept watching. The Damon I married would have turned it off and looked me in the eyes and apopologized for choosing such a crappy movie. It's not like it was a surprise to him, either. I think (assume) he had seen it before!

 

His excuse for all of this still is "I'm sick." I get that he doesn't have a lot of energy. I'm not here complaining that he didn't help enough with the kids, or help me with the laundry or whatever. I'm here complaining because he's being and abusive butt. It takes LESS energy to be respectful and kind to me than it does to yell at me for playing a game on facebook that involves chatting. It takes LESS energy to just turn a movie off and choose a different movie than it does to fight me on watching a specific movie that he's already seen (I think). I'm not asking for him to NOT be sick...I'm asking him to have some respect for me. To stop abusing me and to start treating me right.

 

I told him that I wished he wasn't here. I normally ENJOY having him home and I hate when he's gone, but now it's the other way around. I wish he was gone right now. I don't feel at peace in my own home. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I'm afraid to say anything to him about any of my feelings because he's just going to accuse me of having PMS and needing to be medicated. That's what he said today. That EVERY MONTH it is like this and I need to go find some sort of pill to take so that I can be normal. This is what he used to tell me when we were married before. Every time I would freak out, he would turn it around all on me and make it about how I was crazy and he was just sick, or just stressed out or just tired, or just out of town, or just broke, or just...the excuses never ended. I remember the year it was MY FAULT that I was upset that he didn't call me on my birthday because he had a headache and couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone until 4 PM.

 

You know what I told him tonight? I AM crazy Julie right now. I was crazy to stay married to him, and crazy to have ever wanted to marry him in the beginning. And if he wants a different wife than CRAZY Julie, then he needs to be a different husband than Demon Damon. When I get Demon Damon, then I turn into Crazy Julie. If he goes back to being Mr. Clean, then maybe I will go back to being my happy self as well.

 

He asked if he could hug me earlier. I hesitated, but I did hug him. He asked me a few times for sex today, and I declined. I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it. And at this point, I think he's been abusive enough that I need him to turn around for at least a full day before I consider ML.

 

He's in bed right now after I asked him to be on the call. I did tell him that if he wanted to go to sleep because he felt bad, that was fine, he could get on a call tomorrow night. But, I didn't want him to stay up watching movies till 2 am and say that he's "sick" tomorrow...you know? I think since he's already in bed, I'm going to sleep in my daughters room since she's out of town. I don't want to be near him tonight.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[PlansForHope]

Julie;

So sorry that Mr.Clean is kinda bouncing back and forth between 'Mr. Clean' & 'Demon Damon'. From what you've written, you've really tried to be a godly helpmeet to him; and mirror back his behavior to him; when he's treating you with a real, honest Christlike love; you're returning that love as a wife should! But he shouldn't expect you to have sex with him when he's treating you with abuse (his loud voice, angry eyes; and untrue accusation about the 'chat room' were not loving or Christlike actions); if you'd just given in; and had sex with him after he'd been treating you badly most of the day wouldn't have helped him grow up; or be man enough to lay his life down for you; and really listen to your heart! I really don't think Joel and Kathy are going to try and control what games couples choose to play on their computers; an interactive game on FB is NOT the same thing as chat rooms for the express purpose of finding someone to date. And if your husband is really honest with himself and you; he KNEW that you weren't playing that game for the purpose of finding another man. And since all of you have been sick most of the week, why wasn't he helping you with some of those chores; or entertaining the children; giving you time to rest; instead of sitting there for most of the day watching inappropriate movies? If this behavior is what he'd chosen to do in the past; before your divorce; he should be fully aware that it would bring up old hurts and pain! And if he's sincerely trying to walk this path toward becoming a Christlike husband; why does he even have movies with half naked women; sex scenes; and violence in them? And to ignore you when you commented on it was not the actions of a man who's trying to bless his wife and children!

So sorry that you've hit this bump in the road; seems like the enemy is really attacking Christians everywhere; many marriages are in crisis modes right now; even marriages in this ministry that seemed to be pretty stable in walking toward an OHM!

Will be praying for both of you; that God will give you strength, endurance, and courage to keep standing up against his abuse; keep pointing things out to him when he continues to hurt you; keep mirroring back his un-Christlike behavior to him! Praying also for Damon; that he'll repent for his actions today; turn to God for help; and get back on track here soon!

Hope you both can get on the call tomorrow night!

[Kay]

He asked if he could hug me earlier. I hesitated, but I did hug him. He asked me a few times for sex today, and I declined. I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it. And at this point, I think he's been abusive enough that I need him to turn around for at least a full day before I consider ML.

 

You were right to not allow sex between you... No way do you want to reward him for abuse!

 

Wow, so sorry, Julie,

 

Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're right, the Old Damon is back, but, have no fear, precious lady, cause it's only a bump, and the New Damon will be back before you know it. The enemy is hard at work right now.

 

The first and most important for you to do right now is to pray! Seriously talk to God throughout the day and stay confident in your faith! Tell Saton to get lost and pray over Damon, too.

 

Some mistakes I see you making are the same mistakes that I have made and many of us make. WE "ask" our husbands to not abuse us. Have NO tolerance for abuse, cause that is exactly what is happening here. He is abusing you and going to continue as long as he gets away with it. IT's okay to gently point out how he is hurting you, but abuse is something totally differnt.

 

You need to be in a NO TOLERANCE mood, when he says something abusive to you. For example, when he freaked about you in the chat room, and told you that HE was going to go chat with other woman... THAT was ABUSE. Right there, you point out to him that he is being abusive and needs to apologize! What it seemed like you did, was to apologize to him, first for your actions, which gave him more power over you... So, turn that around, and get on his case, first! You make it perfectly clear to him that HE needs to apologize and repent immediately! IF he doesn't and starts arguing with you, then, tell him to talk with GOD about what he just said to you, and according to the advice I recieved from J & K.... walk away from him, and give him a few minutes to adjust his attitude and repent. Hopefully, by just you telling him to take it to God, he will do this, and Satan will flee. There is so much power in the word, Jesus Christ. When you walk away, also pray for him.

 

IF he still doesn't apologize after 30 minutes or so, then, what I would do is to treat him like the 5 year old he is being. What would you do if this was your child who did this to you?? There needs to be a consequence. Take away his computer, or tv remote, or kick him out of your bedroom for the night, or something........ He has to learn right away that he can NOT abuse you.

 

Damon, when you abuse your wife, it brings her so far back into that old World, and you need to understand what a horrible place that is for her to go. Please don't do this to her.

 

Julie, I only gave you one example of his abuse, but I'm sure you see the rest... Be strong and Be Firm.. No way would you tolerate that coming from the mouth of one of your boys, or Cassie, so don't tolerate it from this immature Damon, either. He can't get away with this. An Immature man will keep going for the throat until he is stopped. He was out to punish you, because he wasn't getting his way.

 

As Kathy has pointed out to me so many times. Change can't happen unless you demand it. Don't coddle him. Don't wait until he has you so far under that your going to break. Don't be afraid of rocking this comfortable boat you are in, cause the more water you let in, the longer it's going to take to get that water out of the boat!

 

So to summarize - start off being gentle but firm, and then move towards a more direct approach, and if all else fails, then get crazy!! (or call Joel and hand Damon the phone and say, "honey, you have a phone call" That always worked for me.

 

(hugs) Sick or Not Sick - NO excuses to ever abuse you like that!

 

I'm running the call, tonight, so maybe, tonight isn't a good night to get on. I might strangle the guy to hard. grrrr

 

Kay

Edited October 17, 2010 by Kay

[Miss Jane Bennett]

Excellent post from Kay!! Julie, I am so sorry. That was abominable. Satan (or one of his henchmen) definitely took advantage of Damon's physical weakness. That was a huge backslide. The movies--oh, my goodness. He was not guarding his eyes and saving his gaze for you, and he was bringing poison into your home. Your children are young and I can't remember their ages, but I believe he should apologize to the older ones who realized what they were watching, and tell them those movies are unacceptable and daddy was wrong to watch them. If that ever happens again, round up the kids and play with them somewhere else (and then kick him out of the house for the rest of the day). Bringing that garbage into your home is inviting Satan into your home. How did he get a hold of movies like that? Sounds like there needs to be a change in your TV service, if he is getting them that way. (We don't even have TV service anymore. We just use it for rental movies. That probably sounds extreme, but it is too easy to let garbage in otherwise.)

 

I am praying now that the Holy Spirit will convict Damon, and will give you strength. Be firm in demanding apologies for each of these abuses. Your husband has a jewel in you, and he knows it, and he had better pour on the sincere repentance and love.

Edited October 17, 2010 by Miss Jane Bennett

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Hey Ladies,

 

Thanks for the advice. Once I recognized that he was in abuse mode, I tried to not encourage it by arguing back. It's hard though, because it's been so long since he's been that way. Anyway, when he didn't get on a call and just went to bed last night, I wanted to give him grace by allowing him that rest, but at the same time, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of having a loving wife in bed with him last night. Plus, I don't think I could have slept next to him last night without being even more angry...so, I went and slept in my daughters room. I locked the door, too. So that he couldn't get in if he wanted to. But, I think he just slept last night, which is good. I hope that he got lots of rest and that he wakes up refreshed and well so that he can fix this mess today before it gets worse.

 

I was thinking about loading up the kids and going somewhere with them, but the kids are sick, too...so I need to stay here with them. Also, I still have hope that he'll wake up and be the Mr. Clean version of Damon that I love so much...so I guess we'll see.

 

About the movies...we have netflix, so he chose that movie on netflix. I think the name of it was "gamer." It was bad. He even said, "this would be a really good movie if it wasn't for all of the sex and violence," (or something of that sort). My boys are 2 and 1, so they probably don't need an apology, I just don't like for them to see that kind of violence. It isn't good for even 2 and 1 year olds. My 10 year old daughter went to visit with her grandma yesterday, so she wasn't here for most of the mess. He was picking on her in the morning before she left. I told him to stop, and he was receptive, but when I asked her if she wanted to stop this conversation with Damon, she said no. So, I guess she was enjoying it. Still, having thought about it last night, I don't want Damon bantering back and forth with her like he is a 15 year old. That is not his place. He is the dad/stepdad/husband in this equation, not her playmate or school buddy. Plus, the joking just makes me uncomfortable, because I think it kind of makes her uncomfortable but I can't tell. They were joking about how her grandpa was going to take the boat out without her. That makes her upset, because she doesn't want him to EVER take the boat out without her. Well, Damon let her know that he took the boat out last weekend with STRANGERS (friends of theirs that she doesn't know). Then she gets all worked up and he enjoys seeing her all worked up and running around freaking out. Then she said that she hates her grandpa for that, and then he tells her she should NEVER say that she hates her grandpa and if she says that then he won't take her on the boat. Then she gets even more worked up. It's not fair to Kasie...because she has a hard time making sense of the fact that this is all just a joke. It all makes me VERY uncomfortable.

 

Oh, another thing he did last night that struck me as manipulative and abusive. The phone rang while I was bathing the boys and when I came out, I asked who it was and he said, "your mother." I asked if he answered it and he said, "no, I didn't know if I could answer your phone." ????? My phone? I thought it was our phone! Just a few hours earlier, when he was already standing up, he answered the phone and handed it to me....so he didn't have a problem with it then. I felt like he was having one of those poor me pity parties or something. I don't know. Or just making a point that everything is MINE and not his and he's abused. I don't know. It just seemed very manipulative to say something like that. I think he just didn't want to get up and get the phone, so he said whatever he could to deflect from the real issue, which was that he wanted to be a baby and not get up and get the phone. So, he threw that comment in, knowing I would take the bait and run with it. So, when I pointed out to him that I didn't like that comment, and that it was abusive, he told me I was imagining things again, and that I was crazy. So, instead of him just being too lazy to get up and answer the phone, I was crazy.

 

Cool for him, huh?

 

I'll be praying for a better day today, or I will pack up the kids, sick or not and leave. Or, better yet, I'll ask HIM to.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Miss Jane Bennett]

I'll be praying for a better day today, or I will pack up the kids, sick or not and leave. Or, better yet, I'll ask HIM to.

 

Yes, choice #2--ask HIM to leave. I am praying, too, for a better day. You are probably planning this, but I'll say it anyway: don't let a "better day" cause you to let him slide as far as the apologies. As Kay said, NO TOLERANCE mode when he is abusive. Be the helpmeet that he needs right now!

 

God bless your day!

[Kay]

Hi Julie,

 

Don't have a lot of time, but after reading your 2nd post, I wanted to talk some more. I honestly don't think you realize how abusive Damon is being to you, because you have lived through so much of this in the past. I get it, because I didn't realize how bad Bob used to abuse me, back in our earlier days, either. Reading your posts is so de ja vu to me, and I think you should be able to get this, because I have a feeling you will be able to relate (think... Bob) Because you love him so much and you believe in him and you have seen the good Damon and you know his potential, you are making many excuses for him. It's almost like you don't want us to be too hard on him, because you don't want him to look worse than he really is. The fact is that we all know he can get back to being Mr. Clean (hopefully, he already has) and we have all have seen the great husband he has been these past few months, but the fact is that if you coddle him, and make excuses for him, or give him toooooo much grace, he will continue to cycle and your/his progress will just take that much longer. Trust me, it takes one to know one - meaning, ME being an enabler.. Even IF Damon has apologized, he really needs consequences.. He should get on the call and apologize publically to you. He needs to make up in a very big way for hurting you and making you worry. Anxiety attacks don't just come on. This was God's way of telling you that this is a very big deal. I would make a list and give it to him, or better yet, post it in your bedroom, of things that are unacceptable in your home. That's for starters. And, as for the negative teasing to Kassie?? REgardless how much fun, Kassie seemed to be having, or accepting this "fun", you are her mother, and what Damon was doing is not healthy for her. She was entertaining Damon at her and your expense. That's just mean. I know the hurt of laughing with everyone when the jokes are aimed towards myself. Lived like that for a very long time, and just because we laugh, doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, inside. I pray that Mr. Clean came back, today, and that he is taking full ownership of this old guy mode he's been in.

 

Praying for you,

Kay

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Mr. Clean IS back today, but he hasn't owned everything that he did yesterday or the day before. He has been apologizing, been giving me lots of physical contact (rubs on the back, hugs, etc), and he's not been abusive all day long. But, I do feel like he needs to own the abuse from yesterday and the day before a little more.

 

I am planning on getting on the call tonight WITH him...so we can discuss it then.

 

I am not afraid of being too hard on him. I mean, I dread it, because I just want peace, but at the same time, I am NOT going back to that bad marriage. We've come way too far to travel backwards now.

 

Love you all!

Julie

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

I have been very sick, and have been a poor patient at home. I'm sorry I have fallen short. I will try harder. Thank you all for your concern, support, and posts. I'm sorry for being abusive towards you honey, and making you feel like you were married to the old Damon. I assure you he is still dead! I'm sorry I'm a big grouchy baby when I'm sick. I'm sorry for watching an inappropriate movie with boobs in it. Please let me know in the future if anything I watch is inappropriate. I'm sorry for winding up your daughter. I will work harder to have more "positive" conversations with her. I'm sorry for yelling at you about chatting with other guys online, and for suggesting that i should do the same. I'm sorry for saying it was "your phone", when I was just too lazy and pathetic to get up and answer it. I'm sorry for not being much help around the house, when you do so much for our family. I'm sorry for causing you to sleep in another room last night without me and for making you feel like you needed to lock the door. I'm sorry for blaming your irritability on pms. You're just doing your job as my helpmeet. Thank you! I'm sorry I've been sick and missed 2 days of work. I'm sorry for being a couch potatoe. I'm sorry for blaming my abusive behaviour on being sick. That's no excuse, and I'm truely sorry. I love you darling! I am NOT sorry for asking you if you want to make love, because you're HOT, and I always want to make love to you! And I know it always makes you feel better! lol. Just kidding. Wanted to make you laugh!

 

I adore you honey, and don't ever want you to regret marring me!!!!

 

Your Husband,

Mr. Clean

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

That was Mr. Clean on my computer...if you guys didn't figure it out already.

 

 

I brought him the computer while I did the dishes and asked him to read the posts so that he would be ready for the call. I didn't expect him to have any problems with what was written, because this isn't his first rodeo...you know what I mean? I was surprised to hear him scoffing and making comments at some of the responses I got.

 

I got really nervous, but fortunately, my daughter got home and I was busy getting her ready for bed. When I came out from getting her ready, he handed me the computer and said he was sorry and gave me a hug.

 

So, we are doing better. I know I need to get on the call tonight, but I'm so tired, I'm hoping we won't be on for long. It's so draining to have arguments. I forgot how much they stink. You just want to crash for fifty years after they are over.

 

I'm thankful to have my Mr. Clean back, and I pray he stays that way. I asked him to go to the Dr. tomorrow, so if he's still feeling bad, at least he'll be on the road to recovery.

 

Also, I forgot to share some good news! Damon's credit is wrecked from some bad investments he made in the past...but we applied for a mortgage in my name based on just my child support income. Praise God! On Thursday, I got a preapproval letter from the Bank of America! It's not much, but it is what we can afford, and we are just praying prayers of THANKS to God for the home that we believe He is already preparing for us. I believe that a specific home is already ours because it showed up on a listing in my e mail in box one night after I had been praying to God about our home and he said to stop searching for it and let Him send it to me. That morning I got the listing for this home. It will be auctioning on November 8 and the starting price will be $69,000.00. I am praying that NOBODY will even bid against us...because if God is for us, then who can be against us?

 

So, if you all think about it, keep it in your prayers for us. We are looking forward to moving closer to Damon's work and also owning our very own home that we can afford and be proud of!

 

Take Care,

Julie