Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts

Phil,

 

Tonight I called to talk to the kids and I told our 8 year old that I missed him very much and he said "if you loved us and really miss us them why did you do the thing that made you go away?

 

If this statement doesn't make you want to lay it down, nothing will. It's over. Your son's statement to you is very profound. You've been called out. Doing what you have done in the past will relay but one message to them.

 

I don't love you enough

 

God Bless

David

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 1.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I had a chance to visit with LRG tonight and I listened to her heart. Why couldn't I have done that when we were under the same roof??

 

I am 100% responsible for hurting LRG and our children. I don't know where to go from here. LRG is done.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I sent her a text today asking if she and the kids would like to have lunch together. I also sent a text asking if it would help the boys if I came out a tucked them in. That one was probably as much for me as it was for the kids I admit. She said no because that would probably confuse them even more. I agreed and told her to let me know if there is anything I can do to make it easier on the boys. She then called me very upset about my texting and the fact that I listened to her last night and followed that up by being nice. She says she is confused and she doesn't even know who I am anymore. She said she just wants me to take care of me and ian that she will take care of herself and the boys. She doesn't want any contact from me at this point. How long do I give her? I don't think she means forever.

 

Thanks,

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also want to admit that yesterday morning during our youngest child's basketball game LRG was seated in the back row while our oldest was sitting with me on the front row. We were laughing and having a good time cheering for our little guy. LRG looked like she had just lost her pet. She was visibly upset and very unhappy. I confronted her in the parking lot about it like the fool that I can be. I ask her why she was so upset when she was the one that tossed me out of the house. I was thinking surely it would be better to be together and for me to do what I promissed vs where she is today. She was quick to inform me that she resented the fact that I was laughing and having a good time cheering for our son because she couldn't right now. I told her I thought it was better for the kids to have fun at a place where you are supposed to have fun rather than sit there being sad and angry. She then said it's the facade I put up that she can't stand. That's fair enough and I am not going to be mean to her any more.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

LRG is tired. She is tired of the worry, the hope that maybe things will get better. She feels like she has missed the kids growing up because of being beaten down by me. She has had to weigh whether to hurt the children or protect herself so the children will have a mother. She has made her decision with the fear that the boys will grow up hating and blaming her for there daddy being gone. She has spent 20 years in a very bad marriage and she has moved on to save hersel. I have been a very bad husband and father and I completley hear her heart on how she feels about everything that has happened.

 

Taking it to the Lord now and always.

 

BH

Link to post
Share on other sites

BH, it is obvious that your relationship with Christ is not where it needs to be. The only way true change can occur is through Christ Jesus, the bible tells us that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" in 2 Corinthians 5:17.

 

BH - where is your fruit? The bible also tells us that "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" in Matthew 7:16. Nothing so much prevents men from entering the strait gate, and becoming true followers of Christ, as the carnal, soothing, flattering doctrines of those who oppose the truth. They may be known by the drift and effects of their doctrines. Some part of their temper and conduct is contrary to the mind of Christ. Those opinions come not from God that lead to sin.

 

Again, the only way to true change is through Christ Jesus. Not only will you become the man that God created you to be but you will also become the man that your wife needs you to be. So stop playing this and just DO IT BROTHER........

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to say after looking at all the evidence with unbiased lenses I agree with all that is that is being said. I had a long conversation with LRG last night where I listened to here vent the pain I have inflicted upon her over 24 years. I was able to listen for a long time but when I started feeling the hurt of hurting the the women I love I defended one insignificant little detail. My first reaction or trigger when feeling the pain is to defend me. LRG said goodbye at this point and she followed up with a text explaining why she did. I was able to call her back and apologize and validate her. At my very core I am a very selfish dude. That's where I am and I wish to do the work to change.

Link to post
Share on other sites

We would like to see you do the work to change too. LRG deserves it, your kids deserve it, and YOU deserve it. God has so much more for you than this selfish, fearful man you have become.

 

I will not waste a bunch of time repeating advice you have already received. Everything you need to do is already in this thread. If you will really engage here, be transparent, and talk about what you are learning, we will be happy to walk this out with you. I will be your biggest cheerleader, as long as you're doing the right thing.

 

Every time you come anywhere close to changing, you turn and run from the pain. Push through it this time. There is a whole new life for you on the other side.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Looney you couldn't be more right about everthing you said. I have one question that I am struggling with right now. Do I call, text and pursue her now or do I give her some space? It appears to me she wants space between us and she deffinitly doesn't want me near the kids. I don't trust my judgement here at all.

 

BH

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ummm . . . can I amend that just a bit?

 

Pursue, but . . . take it slow right now. LRG is hurting badly. She doesn't believe you are willing to change, and she is not willing to be strung along anymore. If you get too pushy, she will run as far as she can.

 

When you see her or talk to her, make sure you are loving her. Loving HER, not trying to make yourself feel good by doing what you have convinced yourself is loving. Loving HER, not trying to look good to all of us. Loving HER.

 

When you can show her that you can actually LOVE her through a simple phone conversation or one of the boys' games, then maybe she will be willing to let you pursue her a bit more. But if you can't get through the simplest interaction without trashing her heart, she won't want to be anywhere near you.

 

You put yourself in this position. It's up to you to get yourself out of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And remember, that's UNCONDITIONAL love. If you send a text that requires ANY kind of response (except for things like seeing the boys, where you obviously have to talk back and forth), then that's not unconditional. So even if you ask her if the texting bothers her, that's selfish. It demands attention from her, and you have absolutely no right to that at the moment.

 

Can you love her even . . . especially . . . if you get absolutely NOTHING back? That's what God wants from you right now. You've never been willing to do that before. If you had, you'd still be with her. But since you didn't, God told her to make you leave in a last ditch effort to get your attention. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should be VERY glad she followed His instructions. From what I've seen, His next step is usually to leave the man to his own devices and let him go the way he is determined to go. I really don't think you want that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I ask LRG if she and the boys would like to go out for dinner tonight. She only responded from the boys perspective ignoring that I ask her. I then ask if we could go out and she again responded that if I let her know in advance she would make sure the boys could go. That's all ok and I plan on asking more unless she ask me to stop. I will be out of town this week.

 

So to answer your question. I don't know. I am listening to the Bible ever day and I gave a homeless man a new jacket and $10 on the side of the road. I want my wife and kids back but not the way it's been.

 

BH

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...