He says he's willing to do what it takes...

[Gods daughter]

heh.

 

gratuitous pictures of young children should be obligatory on this board.

 

he's simply gorgeous.

[dory]

He's even MORE precious in person.

 

I asked Damon if I could write "I

 

::clap ::clap

 

Tell Casey that he did the toe thing only because he might get fired for wearing polish on his fingernails.

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Grrr...

 

Maybe I'm just in the midst of a PMS induced emotional meltdown, but...

 

Grrr...

 

I'm sitting here trying to figure out if there is a job out there that IF Damon did THAT job instead of the job he currently has, I would not feel OBLIGATED to "worship" him when he comes home from work.

 

Let me explain: Damon is an AC man...which means that he crawls through attics that are in excess of 120 degrees during the day...works on rooftops that are over a hundred degrees, stoops over air handlers and other air stuff (said like a true woman), contorts his body into all sorts of different configurations to work around peoples oddly placed landscaping and air conditioners. He lifts heavy parts up ladders by himself, lugs machinery back to the shop, fixes it, and reinstalls it...all by himself. I am so proud of him!

 

But when he comes home, obviously, I feel in debted to him for working so hard to care for our family and provide for us. Especially since the first two years of our marriage he probably worked a total of 5 days...or less. So I view it as a HUGE sacrifice for him to be working like this for us. So, when he comes home from work, I usually have dinner prepared, the kids bathed and jammied and ready to play with him (and then quickly ready for bed), a huge glass of iced tea made just the way he likes it, and the remote control ready and IF things go well with the boys, the house relatively cleaned up. After I get the boys and Kasie to bed, I usually take a bath and sit with him while he watches a movie before we go to bed. When we go to bed, I usually try to massage him on his back or feet or we have intimate time together. Then, when we wake up in the morning, I wake up (by choice, he doesn't make me) and make him a nice breakfast and pack his lunch cooler for the next day before the kids get up and start moving around.

 

I also wash all of his clothes and make sure that they are clean and ready for him in the morning.

 

I do all of this because I love him and appreciate him for all of the hard work he is doing for me and our family.

 

But where is the appreciation for what I do??? I take care of our two babies and my daughter every day (except on the days that my daughters dad has her). When I go to the store, I go with the babies, Dr.'s appointments? Babies. Errands? Babies. Balancing the checkbook and keeping track of our finances? Babies. The babies and I are inseperable. I love our babies, and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but this IS A JOB at times! Keeping up with the house (and the babies who keep wrecking it) is a full time job. Then there is the laundry for a 5 person household, the dishes THREE times a day, the kitchen at least two times a day, homework for the 5th grader, add in a sprinkling of doctors appointments, specialists and other happenings and you have ONE VERY BUSY HOUSEWIFE!

 

But when I get home from work...wait, my home is my work. What I meant to say is when I clock out of work...wait...I don't clock out of work. Okay, I what I meant to say was when I get my time off...oh, wait...I don't get time off!

 

You get the picture.

 

Damon tells me all of the time how much he appreciates what I do every day, and how he couldn't do what I do. But he SAYS these things. I don't feel it in his actions OR his behavior. When he comes home from work every day and takes and takes and takes from me (dinner, massage, laundry, fresh towels, iced tea, lovemaking) but doesn't GIVE me anything...I'm left with nothing to GIVE him for the next day. Especially when the babies take and take from me all day as well. I don't want to view all of the things I do for him as him TAKING because I do all of those things because I love him, and I want to give to him. But what, other than working all day is he doing for me? I'm really not trying to be mean asking this. I adore this man, I do. I'm sincerely happy that we got remarried, and I know this is just a very frustrating bump in the road for me, but seriously...what does he DO to give me life? Am I overlooking it? Does just listening to my complaints and me pointing things out constitute him giving me life? Because I just feel DEAD these days. I'm running on fumes. I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE for sex, which isn't like me at all. I just feel like I have NOTHING to give him. Tonight, I just asked him to stay down in Marco because he is on call, and honestly, I am just happy to have the night off and go back to the way it was when he was courting me. Because I know that I can go to sleep without having to give so much of myself when I have so little in reserves at this particular moment...

 

He just called me. He is staying down there for the night. He just got done with his last call and it is 11:30 and he has to be back at the office by 9 am, if he doesn't get any calls earlier than that. He's in bed and promised to call me and let me know if he gets any calls in the middle of the night. He also apologized for anything he might have said that hurt me, and told me how proud he is of me and all of the hard work I do around the house here and with the kids. He told me over and over again how much he appreciates me and loves me. So, I do feel better...I don't know if it is the WAY he says it, or a sound in his voice or what, but there are times when I feel like he means it, and times when I don't. Maybe it's me?

 

But regardless, I'd really love some help (for both of us) on solutions here...so that he can "give me life" too. I mean, we both know that he is the initiator, and he breathes life into me...but what does that mean for us on a day to day? Does that mean that bringing the paycheck home is life enough? Or does it mean that texting me several times a day and calling me is enough? What IS breathing life into me?

 

I honestly think it depends on ME and what my marriage manual says. And right now, my manual says it is NOT enough (what I'm currently getting). We haven't had a date night since the wedding (which wasn't really a date night because we had the boys in the room, and Daniel woke up coughing at 1 am and I spent until 4 am at the drugstore getting him a nebulizer), and we are (I am) in desperate need of one. I have tried getting my mom to do it, but as a retiree, her schedule is booked on the weekends (I'm happy for her, though!)...and we really can't afford 10 dollars an hour for a babysitter around here. I don't know what to do! I need to get away with him, but the cruise is 3 weeks away! A date would give me life. Also, another thing that would breathe life into me is a massage or a foot rub, or for him to take the kids away from me one night and for him to bathe them and put them to bed while I lay in bed and watch TV (ahhhh...now that would be the life!). Another way would be for him to let me pick the movie once in a while when we watch TV. He did that last week and I really liked it. I made a point NOT to use my computer when he picked movies that he knew I would like.

 

He does really well with gifts...he brings me my favorite ice cream often, and whenever he sees a flower blooming, he picks it and brings it to me (we are on a strict budget, and we BOTH are proud of our progress there)...so I don't feel lacking there. I think it is just the day to day grind where I feel I am giving and giving and giving to him to the point where I'm expected to GIVE but I am not getting anything...so I'm just running out of fuel to give any more.

 

Ugh...I need to rest my brain at this point.

 

Any help is appreciated...also know that Damon won't be able to read the forum until Wednesday, though. I may read posts to him before then, because if I'm not feeling better by tomorrow night, I will make sure we get on the call and get some help.

 

I do want to make sure to say that Damon is going above and beyond here and he IS really working hard at being the man of my dreams. I don't want to downplay all that he is doing...this is just a little bump in the road for me, probably greatly excacerbated by my hormones AND by the bad timing of him being on call this particular week. Damon, when you read this...I LOVE YOU! But, I can't sit on these feelings, because it will just make things worse for BOTH of us in the long run.

 

I know you will embrace my heart and figure out a way to meet my needs so I can keep meeting yours!

 

Love you!

Take Care (to the rest of you),

Julie

[TimothyPaul]

Hey Julie,

 

I feel compelled to respond to your post, even though I was told not to post on your thread.

 

First, tell Damon to stop at the library on his way home and get a copy of First Things First by Steve Covey. (I know Central has it on shelf). Steve adds a fourth dimension to "time management", where we learn to prioritize important things in our life (family).

 

Every guy thinks that when we do the work thing, we are Blessing our Wive's. But that is very far from reality. And I hear this from EVERY guy I speak to. (no exception). Guys know how hard it is for you to do what your doing, and we do appreciate it. But it is the man's role, to step up at home also. The man's job of being the source of life includes the whole body of Christ, which is triunal. Mind, body and spirit. Any of the elements missing will throw our lives out of balance. More then one and a hurricane is brewing.

 

Somehow, even though a man is working hard, when he puts first things first, all the other aspects, somehow can still fall into place. Its just seems to work out somehow.

 

I think you can gently tell Damon, you require some more help in the house. Can you make some of the tasks "fun" time. How about a laundry "date" or a clean the kitchen date? Half the problem with doing household chores is just that, we make them chores. And thats no fun for anyone. Maybe, you and Damon can plan to clean together and make a fun experience. (clean the living room naked together after the kids are asleep! - well ok, not much cleaning would get done. LOL!) But you know what I mean.

 

You can't feel sorry for him because he is working in attics all day. This is the job (blessing) that God has given him for this season. For whatever reason, God blesses us in the way He sees fit, and we are supposed to just do it for His Glory. And regardless of the task, his job is still to bless you and the children. In every way with actions, not verbally.

 

It is okay to ask him to bath the kids, watch them, or do whatever you need for some recoup time. Don't make yourself the martyr here. If you condition Damon into thinking that is ok for you to martyr yourself, that he will get used to it and find it perfectly acceptable,

 

As to the date night. Have you found a church yet. Is there someone you could ask and would feel comfortable with at church that can watch the kids for a bit. Somehow, you really got to figure this one out. Its really, really important. We had kid issues too, and could never find a sitter. It eventually wreaked havoc on the "connection" part of the relationship.

 

Ok thats pretty funny, you are posting on my thread and I am posting at the exact same time on yours!

 

Be well and relax. Don't put yourself under any additional stress then necessary!

 

Yours in Christ.....TP

[musicteacher]

Hi Julie,

 

Just a quick suggestion to piggyback on TimothyPaul's suggestion. I never used babysitters with my daughter. I always left her with one of the families at church who had children she could play with. Perhaps you could do this and reciprocate for the other parents once in a while. It would give your children other children to play with, whether they are at the other family's house or yours.

 

Take care,

musicteacher

 

P.S. Your son is adorable!!!!

Edited August 28, 2010 by musicteacher

[Kay]

Hi Julie,

 

(Hugs) for my special, beautiful friend! What I am seeing is that you are, perhaps, without even realizing this, still living with some fear. Fear that if you don't do your part in this Marriage, Damon will get fed up and your happy world will fall upside down. You are doing, doing, doing, because you want to show him that he made the right choice, by settling with you. You don't want to give him any reason to doubt his choices of choosing YOU. You, my dear friend, are exhausted! Take a deep breathe, Julie and just take a break! Get yourself a sign that reads, "My house was cleaned yesterday. Sorry you missed it" You don't have to be that perfect wife, or that perfect mother because Damon loves you just the way you are. He loves you for YOU, not for what you DO!! Accept this unconditional love from him, just like you accept the love that you get from our father above. Damon loves you and he aint going anywhere!

 

Now, Damon - You need to Tell Julie the stuff that I just spelled out above. It is your responsibility to let your bride know that she doesn't have to earn your love. Ask your self these questions.... If you came home and the house was a mess, and there was no dinner on the table (and you were STARVING) and the babies were still in their play clothes with peanut butter on their little faces, and Julie was on the phone laughing with a girlfriend, as she casually waves a quick hello to you, with a tiny peck on your lips as she goes back to finishing up her funny story to "me" , how would you react? When she finally does hang up that phone, would you say something sarcastic? Would you pout? Would you give her the silent treatment? Would you try to fix the situation by telling her what she did to hurt you?

 

There needs to be days like this, too, Julie.... days where you just don't get the stuff done, days where you just lay around and give yourself a break, without the fear of worrying about what Damon says or does? Maybe, you can test him sometime, huh?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should turn into this housewife, but once in a while, it's OKAY to not be perfect! and, in all fairness to your husband, you still need to be his helpmeet by letting him know how you feel. You are doing what I do all the time, letting things build up inside of you, because you don't want to rock the boat, and then, when you can't take it anymore, you burst! Mostly on the forum, because it is safer this way, or because he is gone when you have your meltdowns. Great that your sharing, but try not to let it build inside of you. Why not say to Damon, when you are too tired to finish that bath for the boys, "Damon, hon, I know you must be really tired, but could you do me a favor and just finish getting the boys dressed because I really need a break" Let him show you just how grown up Damon he has become! If a tired mom can do these things, can't a tired dad?

 

How about on the weekends? Can Damon be the "housedad" on Saturdays or Sundays or both when he's not working, so you can have a day of rest? There needs to be balance. You both need days to just take it easy so you can be ready to take on the next work day.

 

Damon, read this again.........

 

A date would give

me life. Also, another thing that would breathe life into me is a massage or a foot rub, or for him to take the kids away from me one night and for him to bathe them and put them to bed while I lay in bed and watch TV (ahhhh...now that would be the life!). Another way would be for him to let me pick the movie once in a while when we watch TV.

 

There you have it.... things that Julie needs. So, go for it! Go raise her oxytocin levels and both of you have a great day!!!

 

Kay

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Thanks, my friend, KK.

 

This is all great advice, and I will draw Damon's attention to it ASAP!

 

Love ya!

Julie

[gracey520]

Julie --

 

Will be praying for you. Yes, Damon is working hard, but you are NOT HIS SLAVE. You are setting into place a pattern that will be hard to break. PLEASE let Damon minister to YOU after the hard day that both of you have. There were days when my kids were little that I would have traded it for an extremely physically demanding job with NO KIDS in sight!!! And remember, doing life with small kids is EXTREMELY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DEMANDING. Damon is working hard, but he is not 100% responsible for 3 other people all day long every day. He is not even responsible for his meals or his clothes, and you are rsponsible for all of that for all 5 of you. I know that he doesn't intend for this to develop into an unfair situation, but it IS. Especially in light of your history. Allow him to continue to prove himself to you, NOT you prove yourself to him.

 

I know I am not a helper, and haven't been on the forum much lately, but my heart goes out to you. Do not exchange one unhealthy marriage pattern (lazy husband plus all his other previous junk) for another equally unhealthy pattern (hardworking husband "King of the Castle" syndrome). BLESS YOU!

 

Blessings,

Gracey

[Thankful for Gracey]

Okay Julie, I have thought this over and I can't keep quite. I also work in the heat and on equipment in an environment that sometimes reaches well over the 125 degree mark and consistently in the 90+ deg and 100% humidity. I've been doing this for many, many years and there is no way on this green earth that I would even think about allowing Gracey to do the things you are doing. And frankly, I can't believe he is allowing you to do so. If he sees that he couldn't do the things you do, then DUH...help her out. It doesn't take rocket science to figure that one out. I am no superman but you can bet on it that even after days in the sweltering heat and the freezing cold in the winter, I love my wife enough to where I can suck it up and make HER life easier by doing little things that doesn't necessarily have to be "man" things. How long does it take to load the washer or load the dishes or watch the kids. Give me a break!! Even during my bad times, the times of my selfishness and being a real butt head, I never expected Gracey to do any of the things you have listed. She would have if I had ask, I am sure, but I am a grown man who can pick up after himself and be the man she wants me to be. Put an apron on me and I'll cook (if they feel lucky) but it doesn't hurt me a bit to help even after my hard days. Julie, bring it to his attention. You are not his servant by no means and shouldn't be treated as one.

I have to go and get ready for church. I worked 12hrs last night, but I am still going to take time for my God, my wife and my family.

 

I am..

Thankful For Gracey

[Tigger]

Julie,

 

I feel for you. I understand the fear that 'he' is going to get fed up and decide it just is not worth it all, all the effort. I live in that same unGODly fear too. It is a horrible feeling. You, like me, need to get the reassurance from our H's that they are here for the long run.

 

I have not been around much, for a multitude of reasons- non of them important, but I will try to stay better connected. I pray right now for strength and courage for you in this new marriage and for wisdom and understanding for Damon.

 

You have helped so many people, you are amazing. Keep coming here and, of course, going to GOD!! You are loved, both by GOD and Damon, as well as by all of us.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[J_W]

a husband who is willing to put on nail polish for your little girl WILL BE GLAD to do the household stuff... "do not fear" Damon is IN THIS for the long haul --

 

breathe and have peace -- God is still wanting to bring you the healing and He will still use your husband to do this....

 

Faith:

Hebrews 10:38 - 11:1 But the just shall live by faith [My righteous servant shall live by his conviction respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, and holy fervor born of faith and conjoined with it]; and if he draws back and shrinks in fear, My soul has no delight or pleasure in him.

39But our way is not that of those who draw back to eternal misery (perdition) and are utterly destroyed, but we are of those who believe [who cleave to and trust in and rely on God through Jesus Christ, the Messiah] and by faith preserve the soul.

1 NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. (Amplified Bible)

 

Although not having met Damon, you have told us about him, and am sure that J&K will help with this -- I have heard him on the phone that HE IS ALL IN... so, Julie as you tell him what it is you NEED, let's be confident that HE IS ALL IN.

 

satan, just in case you forgot, "YOU HAVE NO DOMINION IN THE 'CLEAN' family, they are covered by the Blood of Jesus and the agape-loving by the husband who is laying down his life for his bride, his helpmeet who is his crown (Prov 12:4)!" ... amen! period.

 

 

Julie, responding good for good -- becoming one flesh -- your marriage is a shining light, giving hope to those in despair -- satan is attacking, but GREATER is HE that is in you (and Damon) than he that is in the world!~

 

Blessings,

June of

[TimothyPaul]

Hey Julie,

 

I talked to my Pastor today and he is going to help me find you someone to help watch the kids so you and D can get a few date nights in. I know you obviously have to talk to them and make sure you feel 550% comfortable with them watching your cubs, but it may be an option.

 

I'll get more details later in the week, he is going to be out of town Monday and Tuesday.

 

PS - You and Damon might like this church. The sermon today was straight out of J&K book 2! Ephesian 5:21-31

 

 

TP

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

TP,

 

Thank you so much for thinking of us!!!!!

 

What church? I can't imagine that we haven't tried it, but who knows!

 

Let me know if you find anyone...our babies are easy...especially if we go out AFTER they are in bed (7PM)...then the person just has to sit there and make sure the house doesn't burn down!

 

I appreciate everyones posts. Every single one of you have helped me in your own way. Damon came home last night at around 10 pm and we watched some TV together and then came to bed and talked. He initiated, but I just couldn't...for many reasons, but mostly, I just don't feel all "lovey dovey." Well, I didn't last night. This morning, the kids woke up pretty early, which woke us up, and we cuddled in bed for a while and then I could have probably "gone for it" but then he got a service call and our two year old took his clothes off in the crib...and so it goes! I honestly think that after this morning, what I need is just TIME WITH HIM. Time where we can be alone and he can give me attention (that isn't directed toward sex) and then everything else will follow.

 

He hasn't read anything on the forum yet...he got home too last last night, and he's been gone all day today working. I drove down to Marco and had lunch with him and the kids and left him...and he had to go do another call. Hopefully that's the last one for the day, but who really knows. We've had lots of storms, and I guess maybe the power knocks peoples air conditioners out? After today, only two more days on call, though...and then no more until after the cruise!

 

Hopefully by then we will have some sort of plan as to where we are going to LIVE...we need to move closer to his work, and then he can come home and see me for lunch every day, and that will sure help. Especially if I can feed the boys early and put them down for a nap, because then we can make it a "date." That would be awesome for BOTH of us!

 

Thanks again everyone. Hopefully, we can get on the call tonight if he's not working and get some help. It is nice though, being able to have this little rut, but not having to argue and yell and scream at each other...that's how we would have done it in our old marriage...we probalby would have broken up and he would have flown back to MO in a huff. Just thinking about that makes me exhausted!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[TimothyPaul]

My Honor, I am happy to do anything that either restores a marriage or keeps one on the right track.

 

The church I attend is Church on the Way / First Assemblies on 951 (near Florida Sports Park). It took me a long time to decide on a church. First I listened to Praise FM every Sunday. I decided this was a good Church for me, because of listening to the Pastor's sermons. Then I attended for four or five weeks. His Wife is on the pulpit with him. She plays the keyboards. Pastor Jay is always talking about her.

 

When I decided to become a member, I asked if I could meet with Pastor J.. He actually made a hour time for us to meet and talk together. He is very down to earth. We talked about J&K's ministry, and not only being familiar with their work, fully endorsed their teachings. I told him where I was at with B and he prayed with me. It really was a very cool hour.

 

The neatest thing of all, was that after attending for while, my Son, who is very anti-church (Catholic influences) decided to step out of the box and attend a service with me. He LOVES IT!!!!!! and now refuses to miss a Sunday!

 

Amen......TP

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Thanks everyone so much for your input. Your comments have been with me through the evening and this morning as I spend time with Damon.

 

Damon came home last night around 9PM and I was taking a bath. He hopped in with me, which was very nice and we got to spend some time together. Then he asked me if we could watch some television together. I had a really bad headache and a sore throat, so I was happy to do some couch lounging, and I mentioned that a new show called "Swamp People" was on the history channel, and we both liked it. He said, he had remembered that and wanted to watch it, too...so we sat down and watched that. I walked into the living room to sit down, and he had gone to Hooters on his way home and picked up fried pickles for me and a sandwich for him. Fried pickles from Hooters are one of my most favorite things in the world. I will put up with the sexist, abusive way they market the waitresses in order to get the pickles (I know...a shortcoming of mine).

 

Anyway, it was really sweet that he stopped and got those for me...and I was really happy. I took some medicine for my headache and he rubbed my temples while we watched our show and just lounged on the couch together.

 

I told him after a while that this was all I needed. I just NEED time with him. I can do all of the things I do...and I LIKE doing it all...IF I have time with him. Time with him gives me the fuel and the desire to bless my family. When I don't have time with him, I just want to turn into a bump on a log.

 

Only two more days of him being on call...and then back to "normal". Hopefully we will have our living arrangements better figured out by the NEXT time he goes on call because this situation could become VERY problematic if we are forced to repeat it for an extended period of time.

 

Basically, when he's on call, I return to the place where I feel abandoned and unwanted...basically like the first two years of our marriage. Add into that fact that his brother moved into the house down there, so he's spending lots of time with him...and I feel even worse. I know he feels like he has no choice right now...and honestly, I feel the same way, but it still makes me FEEL like I did when he would leave me for Missouri back when we were married. That is NOT a good place for a newlywed to be!

 

I know we will get through this, though.

 

In addition, he keeps talking about how he needs to go up to MO for a weekend and get his car and our bunk beds (for the boys) and drive back down. I understand that the car is worth several thousand dollars and is not selling up there...and we need to sell it...and I need the bunk bed for Jacob who is starting to climb out of his crib...but I am NOT comfortable with him going up to MO all by himself. Even just for an hour. I'm just not. So, I feel like if we have to leave that car up there to ROT, I will be happy to do it rather than send my husband up there alone. He has said that it would be nice if I could go with him and we could visit his kids, and I agree, that would be nice...but he can't miss those days of work, and I can't find a sitter for the three kids for us to be gone...so it feels like that is just NOT going to happen.

 

Also, I am finding myself a little bit hurt about something...apparently, two months ago, Damon figured out that his brothers wife is pregnant. She is just a really TINY girl, and one day, he noticed that she looked pregnant and he said soemthing about it. They denied it, but he knew. I went over there yesterday for lunch and it was obvious...she's 5 months pregnant...and Damon knew for 2 months and didn't tell me. I feel like he should have told me. I mean, I am his wife...and it makes me feel very bad that his brother and his brothers wife now know that Damon kept that secret from me for two months. That in addition to all of the secrets that he kept from me during our previous marriage (he and his girlfriend hung out with his brother and brothers wife...and his brother is friends with Damon's girlfriend on Facebook) makes me feel like an outsider...like THEY are in a little club together that I am not in...and I will NEVER be in it. That continues to make me so uncomfortable when I'm around Damons brother and his wife...that when we went down for lunch, I couldn't even eat. I just wanted my time there to be OVER. I don't like being around them, because it is just a reminder of that life that Damon had before. I try really hard to get past it, but I have a hard time doing it. Not to mention I get there, and it is me, the three kids and her...and I don't know what to say. I mean, she was friends with Damon's girlfriend....while I was married to him. I don't know what to say to her. I don't trust her and I don't know how to build any sort of friendship with her...ugh.

 

I don't want to talk about this today.

 

I'm going to run some errands with the boys before naptime!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[dory]

Try this site for auto transport. Is this an option?

 

Also, I am finding myself a little bit hurt about something...apparently, two months ago, Damon figured out that his brothers wife is pregnant. She is just a really TINY girl, and one day, he noticed that she looked pregnant and he said soemthing about it. They denied it, but he knew. I went over there yesterday for lunch and it was obvious...she's 5 months pregnant...and Damon knew for 2 months and didn't tell me. I feel like he should have told me. I mean, I am his wife...and it makes me feel very bad that his brother and his brothers wife now know that Damon kept that secret from me for two months. That in addition to all of the secrets that he kept from me during our previous marriage (he and his girlfriend hung out with his brother and brothers wife...and his brother is friends with Damon's girlfriend on Facebook) makes me feel like an outsider...like THEY are in a little club together that I am not in...and I will NEVER be in it. That continues to make me so uncomfortable when I'm around Damons brother and his wife...that when we went down for lunch, I couldn't even eat. I just wanted my time there to be OVER. I don't like being around them, because it is just a reminder of that life that Damon had before. I try really hard to get past it, but I have a hard time doing it. Not to mention I get there, and it is me, the three kids and her...and I don't know what to say. I mean, she was friends with Damon's girlfriend....while I was married to him. I don't know what to say to her. I don't trust her and I don't know how to build any sort of friendship with her...ugh.

 

It is really good that you shared. Now its up to Damon to fix. What can you do about this Damon?

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Hey Dory,

 

Thanks for that link...yeah, it says it will charge us 600 dollars...which in my opinion isn't bad, considering the money we would lose in time off for Damon, plane fare or gas money, etc. Really, it seems like a deal. Plus, insuring the car and getting a tag for it to be driven down here will be costly as well.

 

Yeah...I haven't really mentioned the pregnancy thing...it's not a huge deal, but it did bother me. I just don't want ANYONE thinking that Damon keeps secrets from me. I want him to be one of those guys who says, "I don't keep anything from my wife."

 

I'm sure he just didn't "think" of it...I know it wasn't really intentional...but I wanted to mention it here, because there is so much stuff going on in my head right now, that it just adds to the mess and makes me even more "down."

 

I've decided that if I can't get my mom to babysit for this weekend, I'm getting a sitter and paying for it. We HAVE to go out on a date. It is NOT negotiable.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[dory]

We HAVE to go out on a date. It is NOT negotiable.

 

Again, Damon should be saying this.... Romeo Romeo!

 

Here's a fun link to make him sit down watch - to the end ! Its NOT Taylor Swift! But it still very fun!

 

(did I see this on someone else's string....?? can't remember)

[Tigger]

Oh Baby,

 

I love that video, I want to watch it again and again, but my computer will not let me .

 

Julie,

 

Keep bringing these things to the fore front. He is clueless, remember!! I can just picture POOH doing something like that, not about his brother, as he does not ever see or even talk with his brothers, but about other things. I would be especially wounded if it was someone near and dear in his life, especially if that person was not on my #1 list!! It would also probably affect me more if it was about a personal/intimate issue like a pregnancy. Of course that would affect me more because of the infertility issues too, but I would be put out if he had not told me.

 

Now I am not saying that Damon has done something wrong, just that to men somethings are less important to remember then they are to us women. Does that make sense?? I hope so. You are still in the learning, growing, building stage. I feel your hurt, now you need to have Damon feel that hurt.

 

Maybe you need to set some ground rules for when you are going to be visiting with his family; especially the ones who have hurt you. He needs to stand by your side the whole time, he has to be your hero. Maybe in time this can be relaxed, but for now, he should not leave you alone to fend for yourself in the sea of sharks. Think about this and pray on it, GOD will surly direct your path in this just as He has in everything else!

 

Enjoying your journey and looking forward to Damon not being on call. I just listened to your call, I think it was the day after your wedding; you and Kay and Damon were talking to a Deanne- I think that was her name. Well my computer has started to act up again so I should close before it crashes and burns.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[Kay]

Hi Jules,

 

Bob has downloaded all the Wedding Pictures onto our Computer and now, he is trying to send them to you. Not sure if this is going to work, but we're trying. Some turned out blurry. but, others are great. I'm asking for a new camera for Christmas. This one bugs me. It' soooooooo sensitive, and I hate that little green squarie thing that must show up before you push the clicker. Anyway, know that we are working on this, or I should say, HE is working on this... I'm clueless!

 

Hope your hubby is bringing you tons of healing from your sadness. Make sure not to downplay anything. If it bothers you then it IS a big deal. Period.

 

Have a great day!

Kay

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Thanks, KK...in a few minutes, I'll know if the picture download worked. I did receive the e mail...and I'm saving the file right now.

 

Thank you Bob and Kay!!! Don't worry about blurry pics...between you and Dory and my mom and brother, there are some really nice memories! And I wouldn't trade ANY of them for all the money in the world!

 

Love ya!

Julie

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

 

Can you tell I had a "date" with my husband last night?

 

He gave me everything that I needed! He got home late, because of work, and jumped right in the shower and then layed in bed getting rest while I finished homework with my daughter and got her into bed. Then I lit candles and took a bath by candlelight to relax and then I layed in bed with him and we just chatted and spent time together. It was AWESOME!!! I loved it. There was NO RUSH, there was no expectation of sex or that I would give him a massage or anything. I can't stress to men enough...that expectation RUINS alone time together. Because when we we women think that the man "expects" something from us, then it means to us that he is NOT INTERESTED IN BEING WITH US...spending time with us, talking to us, etc. SO anyway, Damon spent forever talking to me...just talking about my feelings, needs, emotions, etc...and I got LOTS of my "junk" out...a few tears...and I felt SO MUCH BETTER!

 

Then we had the romance part of our date, which I won't elaborate too much on...needless to say, things went amazingly well...like BETTER than amazing! I am a very happy girl! I am an outrageously happy housewife! And I don't think that Damon is too upset about it all, either...although we are both pretty tired!

 

So, things are good for now in Mr. and Mrs. Clean land...I'm back in honeymooner-land!

 

Thank you, Mr. Clean! I needed that!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Tigger]

Way to go Mr. and Mrs. Clean,

 

It sounded wonderful, the rest of us are all jealous now. Maybe we should send our H's here for some ideas. Look forward to those pictures coming up and being posted here. Please post at least one picture, even if you choose to post the rest on something like facebook, or what ever. I am not on face book so they will be lost on me.

 

Glad you had your "date" night, and that things are back on track. Happy wife, happy life.

 

BLessings,

 

Tigger

[MaryJane]

What a date! Sounds perfect!

 

You're both getting SO good at this!

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

Thanks, guys...since our date, things have been going swimmingly!

 

Damon is officially OFF call today!!!!

 

So, until after the cruise, he is working normal hours. Last night, he made it home at around 10 PM and we did the usual shower thing...and then we lay in bed together talking. It is turning out to be our favorite part of the day...just laying there with our "best friend" talking about stuff.

 

I told him I had found a book about Daniel and Revelations called "God Cares" that I had been reading when I was pregnant with Daniel and never finished. I told him I would love to read it together and he was all for it. So, we read the first chapter of the book (well, I read it out loud and he listened). After we were done, we both wondered why in the world we haven't been doing that every single night we've been together! It was just such a blessing to learn about God together and read the Word together. After that, we prayed for a while together...going back and forth between the two of us. Then we PASSED OUT and slept well.

 

We woke up in the morning both feeling happy and "in love"...and of course, because of THAT, Damon was almost late to work!

 

This evening, he asked me to keep the babies awake so that he could see them before he came home. I did, and it was such a treat to see the boys jump all over him and love on him. They sat in the chair and cuddled with him for a while before they went to bed.

 

Damon and I are excitedly waiting for our date on Sunday. We have been talking about what movies we will see and what we will do with our time away from the kids and with each other. I can't wait. It is going to be so fun to spend several hours with my best friend!

 

Thanks everyone for your support and prayers.

 

Love,

Julie